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Eric's Sunday Sermon; The Pain Of Helping?

Updated on June 18, 2018
Ericdierker profile image

Holding degrees in philosophy and Law. Formal studies or certificates or degrees in business, theology, insurance and security. Ex-preacher.

You Are Not Allowed

That is his road do not fear
That is his road do not fear | Source

When Do I Have A Right To Hate?

There is this cool concept from our friend Jesus. We are to turn our cheek something like over 70 times when someone smacks it. And then if a guy steals your coat you give him more if he needs it. That is some heavy love of enemies stuff.

So the fellow you know has something wrong with him. Let us say a friend or a family member. Not an enemy of any sort. And through problems like being a workaholic, obsessive disorder, drunkenness, sloth and on and on. It would seem to me that I get no free pass to abandon on 40 times or if I have to give him the shirt off my back, 8 darn times.

If love were conditional in such regards it would be a false love or a love taken back. Can you take back love? I think that makes you a hypocrite maybe. In like maybe the eighties some shrinks came up with tough love and that is a crock of cow dung. It is counter intuitive to someone who loves.

Alright I am a weirdo in many ways and my wife loves me. She is crazed in so many ways and I love her till my death and beyond. My son is an irritant in so many ways and I am a horrible dictator in so many ways. Our local trees create a pollen that knocks me out. I still go over and hug them.

My son just horribly farted and laughs were abundant. We foul the air but we still love each other. How many times must we love our enemy? And how many times must we love family and neighbors? I think for me it is 80 times. I will have to count it up. I will but a notch on the wall and then when they hit 80 I will just go kill them or maybe bring my hose and hose them down or maybe just not talk to them ever again. I just cannot do it. Maybe the hosing – that sounds like fun. Whoopee!

So we get bummed and frustrated with the recalcitrant person. So we abandon them, even though we know isolation is the worst thing for them. But we are arrogant and ego self-interested because of the 20 times they did us or others wrong.

If you are bad I banish you and curse you and hate you even though I proclaim my love for you –IF

Apathy Is The Opposite of Love, Not Hate

The Bull

Three Boys Under That Sign. They Charge and Take Names Later
Three Boys Under That Sign. They Charge and Take Names Later | Source

Get Good And Mad -- And Write Me About It.

Ladies and gentleman’s I was taught like kind of grudge thing from my family of origin. It made my heart sink. Something just sad happened to me. How could I possibly despise a guy for breaking my nose in a great fight? Raymond Billygoats was a bully. So I took him on. Bad stuff. A cast but not really a broken arm just splintered. The concussion would heal itself but the black eyed warned others. On the other hand Raymond being slammed against a block wall and would recover more slowly with both my feet and hands pummeling him. A friend of mine from back in little school days told me that I was really strange fighting all the time. But thanked me for head butting his nemesis. I got whooped and whooped. I never despised a guy for fighting me. In time we were friends always.

How can a person hold on to hate, grudges and judgments? It is beyond my frame of reference. Can hating really cause more pain to the hated than of the hater? I just cannot fathom such nonsense yet I see it constantly.

To be sure in my area the ones being held against are big white middle aged guys – even better older ones. And I only see that with testosterone filled young men. Well that is ok by me. A guy honked really hard at me then pulled up alongside and we rolled down our windows to road rage madness no cuss words and “happy Father’s Day” after correcting the others driving.

My boy in the back seat in his safety chair thing starting laughing at me. “Can’t you get mad ever”? Later on this Father’s day he challenged me again about when I got mad and was mean to him. Slamming a door with fingers in harm’s way and a fifteen minute “missing” in after school activities. He laughed again. “For, like 5 minutes Dad”. “Boy do not piss me off because I am meaner than a low belly Wolverine”. More giggles.

I admit to failure in the area of anger. Maybe it got used up as a kid? Or maybe it just did not ever exist? Or maybe I am just stuck in this rut of God being love, ergo love. I cannot explain it and it has caused me some grief with those who love me.

My Young Son's Fav.

Get That Love From Your Mustard Seed

That Battle is Forever, Make It About Love
That Battle is Forever, Make It About Love | Source

Together We Win Forever In Love

It would be quite nice to preach to you that you have to love above all else. I think I could make a living with that, maybe. It would be good of me to tell you not to hate. A fine thing to preach to let slights go. Perhaps I could tell you that all matters must be matters of the heart of love.

But then wouldn’t I be a sanctimonious jackass? How many times must we turn that reddened cheek? So wouldn’t we be silly billies if we charged another for judging us? It is a circular fun notion. “I am so mad at Joe for judging me and not taking my calls or texts!!!” I hope you see how funny that is, like I do. “I am really mad because Jane is mad at me!!!”

For some not so funny reason I think that is the foundation for war. Is it the foundation for politics or religious conflict? Do not look at me for an answer I do not do those.

So Father’s and the boy is pajama and sandals ready at just past dawn. He has the balls lined up for multiple sports. He as a bottle of water for me. And a whole journal for me and a cool card. Do not get me wrong but I need some warm stimulating beverage and a head/fog clearing space. So what up with that? Is it Dad’s day or Boy’s day. No issue there the boy has it ready and scoots outside for my space.

The day game is on. We agree to break the rule and get fast food (6 months since last). We bust into the huge church where the preacher says some can get in but others can’t but all can. My son gives me that one eye look and we flee. Up Mt. Helix and rock climbing and calling siblings. We meet 40 or so there and two great dogs. “Dad I cannot understand what they are saying”. OK son those over there are Chaldean and those over there are Chinese Mandarin and those over there are Mexican and those guys on their phone were clearly Vietnamese like you. Hey Dad, you really like knowing that stuff huh?

Boy I do not think so. I think God wants me to know that stuff. You know all that crazy international stuff I do. Well hold on a second there, that was stupid huh? I really like knowing all these kinds of people.

Thanks for pointing out that wonderful Father’s day gift. “Look to joy and love, leave the rest on the sidelines of the playing field”

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    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      3 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Lawrence I think we are on the same page here as always. I am bad, most the time I do not care what "they" say. But rather what they make me think for me.

    • lawrence01 profile image

      Lawrence Hebb 

      3 months ago from Hamilton, New Zealand

      Eric

      Absolutely, it has become 'cliche' and too often is apathy in a mask.

      And you're welcome, your sermons always make the think about the subject.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      3 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      And a super thanks Lawrence for giving me my next sermon about "it is all about me".

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      3 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Right on Lawrence if that is how you define tough love you are right for sure. It is like "fearing" our Lord. Sounds all wrong but in my mind works just fine. Truth be told my son fears his parents. My issue on the tough love is that it is cliche'. And I think more often used by the person applying it as only turning the cheek about 15 or so times.

    • lawrence01 profile image

      Lawrence Hebb 

      3 months ago from Hamilton, New Zealand

      Eric

      Okay, I have to admit to not agreeing over the 'tough love' stuff, maybe I've understood it different.

      To me, its when you've drawn an imaginary line and said, "Go beyond that, and much as I do love you, I can't help you"

      To me, the ultimate in this would be God the father who draws a line at sin and says, "I love you, but if you continue down this path I can't help"

      Just like that Father in the story of the 'Prodigal son' the father could go to tge far land and bring the son home, but he doesn't, he waits until his soncomes into sight, to me thats how 'tough love' should be.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Chris you remind me that old love in the heart might not be the best. Giving it up, cleanses and refreshes. Give it and give it and do not look back because that old heart will be replenished.

    • cam8510 profile image

      Chris Mills 

      4 months ago from Flagstaff, AZ

      For me, the pain of helping is minimized if I hold out the gift in an open palm and don't maintain even a loose grip on the gift afterward. Once it's taken, it isn't mine anymore. That's just one way. This is a good reminder that giving is permanent.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Bill yesterday was another tough day. Another best ever Saturday. I admit it was a give and take gas wise. Boys just go silly.

    • lifegate profile image

      William Kovacic 

      4 months ago from Pleasant Gap, PA

      I have to wonder if it was you who farted instead of your son, what would the reaction have been - lol.

      Seriously, love is such a beautiful thing. Hate ruins it big time.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Thank you friend. Sometimes I get all twisted into a wad here also. But I suppose if we try we find our chair at the table again.

    • Frank Atanacio profile image

      Frank Atanacio 

      4 months ago from Shelton

      Eric, first happy belated father's day... and I haven't been receiving new publishes so I missed out on so many hubbers hubs.. but again I love the sermon.. and the piece why I have the right to hate.. awesome my friend and thanks for sharing..:)

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Elijah I will look more into this. I was thinking the "tough love" of the text book type was an abandonment concept. "I love you so I leave you". Now your notion is the exact opposite.

      Get down get dirty, do brutal honesty and come up swinging is not my tough love. To me that is the sweetest of loves. In just a few hours Tiger Boy is coming after me with some new crazed idea about loving his friends.

      For some very strange reason he is liking bare knuckle boxing this week. So we box hard and love hard. Not tough.

    • Eurofile profile image

      Liz Westwood 

      4 months ago from UK

      You deal with some tough concepts in your sermons. Thanks for giving us the chance to mull them over and discuss with others.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Chitrangada Sharan.

      What did we miss? We have been pushing love for so many years together. For sure 5. That is really the core of who I am. Steal up the sea shells of love. Your shell sparkles and my son and I twinkle.

    • ChitrangadaSharan profile image

      Chitrangada Sharan 

      4 months ago from New Delhi, India

      So much wisdom, in your Sermon!

      I believe, when one is close to God, it’s easier to conquer anger, hatred, jealousy etc., or vice versa.

      Those who hate, or feel jealous do more harm to themselves, than to others. They are in a miserable state of mind.

      Thanks for sharing another of your wonderful Sermons.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Elija a pray you rethink that. We know that the opposite of love is not hate but apathy. See my point? This notion of tough love is to not care anymore and call that loving.

      I cannot count the times my elder siblings made me fail/fall. Seriously sometimes with bandages. Not one episode would I replace as it made my children's dad. And apparently this writer and the rider and....

      That was "fall down boy and get up or get left behind and if you whine to mom you are dead". Can you imagine all my 5 elder siblings are still alive and kicking my 60 year old butt? Being tough and loving is not tough love.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Thank you so much Linda. This is right in the area I am working on. Jung to Buddha, Christ and Cicero are not finishing the notion well although Kipling may help.

      Rules dictating how we love those who trash us just does not work. Try as we might. Forgiveness is good.

      But the punch I am looking for is to feel love about it right then and there when we are being beaten.

      We will get there.

    • Carb Diva profile image

      Linda Lum 

      4 months ago from Washington State, USA

      Eric, I'm sorry to be so late in arriving at the party. It sounds like you had a wonderful weekend with your mini-me.

      Can hating really cause more pain to the hated than of the hater? Let me tell you a story. This past weekend I received a nasty surprise in the comments on one of my articles. I received a piece of hate-mail. (Actually, there was one post in the comments section of my article, and another in "Questions to the Author", but the words and tone from "anonymous" lead me to believe it was the same individual.)

      It took time and effort for that person to write, and the things they said were vile and hate-filled. I'm not angry. but the words still creep back into my memory. I wonder what is happening in the life and heart of a person that would lead them to act out in such a way? I feel sorry for them. I can (and have) erased their comments, but I can't erase the feeling they left on me.

    • The0NatureBoy profile image

      Elijah A Alexander Jr 

      4 months ago from Washington DC

      Eric, most things human come up with is a "crock of cow dung" but I don't believe "tough love" is. There was this 3-year-old who was afraid of everything, even pigeons. His mother liked how I played with another child so when they went back to Iowa she asked me to play with her son. In "Washington Square Park" in NYC I took him to the children's playground where he didn't even want to play with the other children. After many weekends of being under me I climbed on a platform slide and sat there. He wanted to come up and slide so I told him to come on. He made about 3 steps up and got afraid to go higher or back down and began to cry.

      With his mother across the park from us she didn't know what was happening so he cried for about an hour. Several other mothers wanted to assist him but I told them he was under my charge. Seeing I was not going to allow anyone to help him he finally claimed up praising himself for doing it. He wanted to go down the slide and I suggested "do it" and told him the other children did it without their parents' help. He slid down and praised himself again and began coming up and going down for the pleasure of doing it without help until on his way up his foot slipped between the steps and he cried for help. I only said "get up" and he did again praising himself over doing it without help.

      That happened just as it was getting to cold for the playground so the next spring when she brought him back he was doing all kinds of things he had seen other children do without help. He even petted a dog the owner said he was the first child the dog had ever allowed to pet it.

      That, brother Eric, is what tough love is, allowing someone to get into a situation they can master and force them to do it for themselves.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Manatita isn't it a wonderful notion just to consider. I do not do answers but I love ideas.

    • manatita44 profile image

      manatita44 

      4 months ago from london

      Oh! I just like that quote from Vivekanada, the Seer.

      I think I even said it wrong.

      "Remember, not the soul for nature, but nature for the soul."- Swami Vivekananda.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Dora I am dealing with some hate issues in my family right now. (not to worry a bunch of love also)

      The energy that gets sapped in hate and the energy that is created in love is a total trip.

      I will just go back to my turtle shell ;-)

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Weithers 

      4 months ago from The Caribbean

      "Can hating really cause more pain to the hated than of the hater?" Of course, not. Thanks for the illustrations.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Back a ways we used to say "You trip me out dude". Fun.

      I thank you for your gentle correction on the soul. Really important.

    • manatita44 profile image

      manatita44 

      4 months ago from london

      Happy Father's Day, Bro.

      Who cares if it's Tuesday or not? Not me!

      More musings from you. You seem to cover so much in so little space!

      70 times seven is a difficult one. One for the Heart I say.

      Remember, the soul for nature, not nature for the soul. Peace.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      That is such a wonderful comment. I Cherish it. This last Fathers day Weekend my boy and I practiced like the other broke our leg. The idea is that we do not get broke, we just pretend to be.

      He gets it.

      Me, maybe not so much.I just do not want you to own the bad.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Loannis they would even get given a horse (big deal) to ride and ride backwards. They were specially put into sweat lodges to speak their crazy because the perspective was needed to not have the same perspective. The original "outside of the box".

      I was just reading Matthew. Jesus was crazy -- just saying. And is Socrates even an issue?

    • Dana Tate profile image

      Dana Tate 

      4 months ago from LOS ANGELES

      I am slow to anger but I have a problem with holding on to grudges. I love hard so when someone hurts me or betray my trust its hard for me to forgive. I will say it and try to live by it but I do have a hard time practicing what I preach.

    • Sean Dragon profile image

      Ioannis Arvanitis 

      4 months ago from Greece, Almyros

      You know some Native American tribes, considered crazy people to be Sacred. You are my Sacred Weirdo, Eric! I love your spirit!

      I always have an extra cheek with me, just in case...

      Hasta la vista!

      Sean

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Mary I get wonkers on my technical writing stuff. I just go South. If it is just a little bad I shadow box. Real bad and my chimney gets the brunt which always wins ;-) Aren't we blessed!

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Bill I feel very confident that you and I do need to work more on anger issues and maybe "get some". ?? Just saying ;-)

    • aesta1 profile image

      Mary Norton 

      4 months ago from Ontario, Canada

      Sometimes, I find myself forgiving but then the day comes when I remember all these and my rage rises and bursts like a volcano. Something triggers us at times, something in our unconscious maybe. Ah, I just let the complexity baffle me.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 

      4 months ago from Olympia, WA

      I anger easily. I hate no one. I feel safe in saying that. I do need to work on the anger issue....it's only been 69 years in the making, but I'm on it. lol

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