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I'm Not Easy To Love But Jesus Loves Me Anyway - A Brief Study Of Peter the Apostle

Updated on July 18, 2017

God came to earth as a man and chose for Himself a small group of men to be His followers. Among these men was the man Peter, a stubborn, tough, gruff fisherman with a propensity to speak and act before thinking. He was much like so many of us that, being so sure of ourselves, he did not draw from the wisdom of God but on his own experiences and fleshly wisdom. So we have to go through what Peter went through as the Lord straightened him out time after time. Jesus loved Peter and knew that once he learned to listen to the small, still voice inside him that He would be a strength to the new church which Jesus was founding upon Himself - the Rock.

The tongue is a fire, I know it is true

No one falls prey to it, as much as I do,

My daddy was like that, but that's no excuse

To speak without thinking, tongue flapping loose,

All through my life, it's caused most of my shame

I'm not at all innocent, and much to be blamed,

Like the time when the Lord said, He was to die

And I opened my mouth, I don't even know why,

I said, "Not so Lord, far be it from thee!"

But instead of a smile, His look frightened me,

I'll always remember, that look on His face

"Get thee behind me Satan! Get in your place!"

I was crushed in my Spirit, cut to the heart

And vowed to guard my speech as soon as it starts,

But before I knew it, I'd be sinning again

Both speaking and acting, before thinking begins,

"I'll never leave you," I once vowed with pride

Though everyone else, may leave you to hide."

My Lord looked at me then, with His all-knowing eyes

"I know this will shock you, and be a surprise,

But before the cock, crows but twice

You will deny knowing Me, and then pay a price."

I was shocked, dismayed, I stood aghast

What could He be thinking? I'd overcome my past!

But sure as the day, dissolved into night

When I saw His cross looming, large in my sight

Then I felt my fear, grow higher and higher

And I denied I knew Him, as I warmed by the fire,

As I heard the rooster, crow the second time

I'd realized my sin, and the depth of my crime,

And I remember the tears, as I ran away to hide

Because of sin in my life, and the depth of my pride,

Then they crucified Him, nailed His feet and His hands

He suffered more pain, then did any man,

He took on my sin, and He gladly died

Because He loved me so much, and that's why I cried,

They buried my Lord, and three days He lay still

And on the third day He rose, because of God's will,

But I carried my shame, and still ran away

And went back to work, a-fishin' all day.

Then Jesus appeared, to the disciples and me

I was driven by shame, so I dove in the sea,

When at last to the shore, I finally came

The Lord was there cooking, and called me by name,

He said, "Peter, Peter, do you really love me?"

I knew that my love, was not what it should be,

Then He asked me again, then He asked me once more

If it really was He, whom I truly adored,

"You know that I love you," was all I could say

Even now the pain of the question, won't go away,

I know the Lord loves me, just as I am

I seem to be flawed, more than the next man,

And since that time, I've served my Lord

And I know in heaven, I'll find a reward,

But the image of Him cooking, still stays in my mind

And the questions He asked me, in a voice that was kind,

My Lord said I'd drink, from the same cup as He

It wasn't that long, 'til His enemies seized me,

When they offered a cross, on which to die

I thought myself unworthy, for this manner and I

Asked that they turn, my cross upside down

And it gave me some peace, to stare at the ground,

So I've considered all my life, since my own birth

As I hung like my Lord, between heaven and earth,

My wounds gladly borne, my blood I do give

It's the least I can do, for the life I have lived,

I reviewed all my memories, reviewed every one

And did not stop, until I was done,

As I felt my blood flow, and my life ebb away,

I rehearsed in my mind, what I would say

To my Lord Jesus, when I see His face

And opened my eyes, at His Throne of Grace,

The words would not come, none could I find

But seemed to be smoke, on the edge of my mind,

The pain was intense, but just at the start

Then Jesus was there, at the last beat of my heart,

"My son and my servant, my apostle and friend

You loved me with everything, right to the end."

"But how can you say that?" I said, tears streaming down

You know I denied you, and with sin I am bound."

But Jesus then gave me, that all-knowing look

He said, "Peter, my son, your name's in the Book.

With my blood I have washed you, so you're every whit clean

Your sin never happened, because you're redeemed."

I knew then, it would take me forever to know

The depths of Christ's love, that He was willing to show.

This poem was about Peter an apostle chosen to be one of Jesus' inner circle of three (Peter, James, and John). Peter was impulsive and often did things before he understood all of the implications. What always struck me about Peter is that his love of the Lord was undeniable to any who read the account. His faith enormous but he needed one thing and that was to come to the end of himself and realize he needed a Savior. After Jesus died and he understood what was done for him (and for every person). He was able to grow into the giant he became to all of us who know him through the writings of the Holy Word of God.

Like Peter, we all need to come to the end of ourselves and realize we are sinners incapable to saving ourselves. No matter how good we are, we will never be good enough to get into heaven. We can never be holy on our own. Jesus is the only one that can wash us like Peter was washed, so that in God's sight it is as if the sin never happened. It is wiped from our account, paid for by the blood of Jesus.

How did this happen to Peter? Well, the first thing that Peter had to do is to realize that he was a sinner. In Peter's case, I think that was not a hard thing to see in himself. He was always making mistakes and blurting out inaccuracies. This is what we must see too. We are sinners in need of a Savior. The next thing the apostle had to see was that Jesus was That Sacrifice sent to pay for his sin and that of the whole world. He witnessed the death and burial and resurrection of Jesus so he thoroughly believed that. All that was left was calling out, crying out to Jesus to forgive him and save him. We are not given a complete account of every word people spoke so we are not "witnesses" to this conversion between him and God but it had to be something like this- (Pray this if you are have not already done so):

Dear Lord Jesus, I know that I am a sinner and I cannot be holy on my own. I will not make it to heaven without my sin paid for by You, Lord. Please forgive me of my sin and save me. I believe in your death on the cross, your burial in the grave, and your resurrection to heaven. I turn from the way I was living and I promise to follow You for the rest of my life. Thank You Lord for saving me. In Jesus' holy name. Amen.


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    • no body profile image

      Robert E Smith 7 years ago from Rochester, New York

      You know I have often wondered that same thing, Why did God choose Peter instead of the "obvious choice" John. John always was my favorite because he felt so strongly about loving Jesus. Jesus picked him to watch over mama. But God laughed and chose Pete. Then there is the why choose Joshua over Caleb. Compare what the Bible said about the two. Caleb was vocal. Caleb wholly served the Lord. over and over. and He picked Joshua. I am so human and near sighted. I am not omniscient and definitely not God. He even picked ME to write...go figure!!! Love you Jimmy.

    • James A Watkins profile image

      James A Watkins 7 years ago from Chicago

      This poem is incredibly wonderful, Brother Bob. Reading it brought tears to my eyes.

      Dorothy Sayers wrote that God chose Peter instead of the Beloved Apostle, John, to lead the Church because, "John was all gold, and gold is rare. The work could not wait while God found enough men like John. Peter was a common man; made of stone as are most men."

    • no body profile image

      Robert E Smith 7 years ago from Rochester, New York

      This is the type of comment that blesses my heart the very most. When I see that the ministry edifies my Christian family or others that need it. I am so appreciative. Thank you for reading and for telling me it blessed you.

    • profile image

      keren 7 years ago

      this was something i needed the most right now... it touched my heart thank you, Lord.

    • no body profile image

      Robert E Smith 7 years ago from Rochester, New York

      I pray that God protect you and your ministry my precious sister. I love you too. If the words God gave me here blessed you them I am truly blessed as well. You need to talk or vent, feel free to write me. Love you. Bob.

    • drpastorcarlotta profile image

      Pastor Dr. Carlotta Boles 7 years ago from BREAKOUT MINISTRIES, INC. KC

      Thank you again nobody for a wonderful poem. I came to be lifted up and that's what I received!!! PRAISE GOD!!!! Thank you! Love You!

    • no body profile image

      Robert E Smith 8 years ago from Rochester, New York

      Sorry Cheryl, I need to check my hubs better. Me email hasn't been giving me notice that comments are being made. I thank you for reading and appreciating it. Mary has been a hero of mine for years. I so love the way she loves Him. I want such focus on my Lord. Many blessings.

    • Cheryl A. William profile image

      Cheryl A. William 8 years ago

      A wonderful poem. Thank goodness that God loves us and sees beyond our brokenness.

    • no body profile image

      Robert E Smith 8 years ago from Rochester, New York

      God is so good at doing that, isn't He? I DID mean it. I love you and I know my sister understands because she is so much like me. Love is a container that never gets filled. It isn't like icecream which you can get too much of, but more like the clouds in the sky on a breezy day. It's the time when you are tired and you find just the right spot to sit or lie and watch them and feel like you could be there forever. At that point there are never too many or too much. That said though, you my sister, are too special for words. You are like my own sister Belinda. She is like one of those clouds all billowy and white against a blue sky and as I watch, it changes, so I can't take my eyes off of it, so I won't lose track of its life, and lose her again. I lost her once you see when she was a little girl and I never want to lose her again. I love you like that. I think God is teaching me that when it comes to love there will be no distance too great for it to travel. Love never leaves us or forsakes us.

    • Judah's Daughter profile image

      Judah's Daughter 8 years ago from Roseville, CA

      I AM blessed, saith the Lord and His saints! I have lost my earthly brothers to the world, and yet He restores. I am so blessed to call you brother, brother.

    • no body profile image

      Robert E Smith 8 years ago from Rochester, New York

      I will write,

      blessings be yours,

      I'll be your brother,

      for evermore,

      through thick and thin,

      good and bad,

      be the best brother

      you ever had

    • Judah's Daughter profile image

      Judah's Daughter 8 years ago from Roseville, CA

      We love the Lord with all our hearts, and yet like Peter, we fall short of His glory within ourselves. He is the image and glory of God and when we are His, we are also, praise God! Beautiful composition, brother. God is using you so mightily. Keep on writing more and more, and I will be here to see what's in store!


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