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Falling in Love with a Chaos Magician: A 3.5 Year Whirlwind Affair of the Heart and Soul: Part 6

Updated on October 23, 2012

Time Travel...........Well, yes.

Several years ago a video was produced called What the Bleep Do We Know? The premise was that life and how it works is very different than originally believed. Time and space are merely constraints that men operating from finite minds birthed. They support humankind in its growth and development throughout the vastness of eternity.

Chris, my Chaos Magician ex-lover, shifted every paradigm I had. I would learn that I was energy. This one point changed everything within me and for me. If we believe we are solid instead of condensed vibrations of energy, the next aspect of this hub will be unfathomable. But we are condensed vibrations of energy. What we see is illusion, albeit as Albert Einstein once said, a very persistent illusion.

In a holographic universe, the whole is contained in the parts. This can be seen in Kirlain photography ( This is crucial to understand. I have often watched David Copperfield spin his illusions. It is within this energetic realm that illusions are created. I don't know if David Copperfield uses such energetic based techniques but it may very well be the case. Chris' work, however, has always operated through the illusionary producing energy fields.

Past, present and future are one in the energies. There is no separation/division. That is how healing occurs in energy medicine. Blockages in the human energy field (h.e.f.) cause disease, injury and trauma. A healer goes into the h.e.f. with any type of healing modality (i.e., Healing Touch, Reiki, Quantum Touch, Tantra, etc.) and holds a "space" for the highest energetic vibration "unconditional, perfect love" to fill and restore the "space"---the total h.e.f.

That is healing work through the energies. Magick is a completely different context. Magick does not intend to heal. Magick---depending on the type (e.g., Chaos, white, grey, black, Wicca, shamanism, etc.)---serves to change "reality" and bring about physical/material change.

I have spoken before that Chris did not put in place in my life---to my current knowledge anyway---any particular form of magick. He provided a working template rather. I consider my magick to be One Love. Its format is Syncretic. I believe and practice that Jesus Christ is/was/will always be the perfect embodiment of unconditional love. I do not subscribe to any type of Christianity that I am aware of. I spent 34 years as a practicing Christian and it failed me and others miserably.

I believe that people's lives are awaiting transformation/transfiguration. People want pain and suffering to end. People want global and internal peace. One love when it manifests fully will provide all of these things. This was Chris' biggest gift to me.

Now in terms of past, present and future, there truly are no tenses that mankind did not contrive. Magicians take advantage of this. They "skate and surf" the energies. I have experienced a wild ride as a result. Let me give you an example of that ride:

A few years ago I had a dream. I was in a boat with a different ex-boyfriend. The boat looked like the boat in Jaws. I experienced the shark, Jaws, swimming about. I heard a voice like a narrator in a film say, "It's OK."

The following day I went to Thanksgiving dinner at a friend's house. I once went on a boating trip in my friend's boat. That Thanksgiving, my friend was wearing a black t-shirt with white screen printing that showed a picture of Jaws on the front.

Six months later I was having a craniosacral therapy session. During the session, I experienced a psychic connection to another incarnation with that ex-boyfriend in the boat dream. He was raping me in that previous incarnation. My craniosacral therapist said, "It's OK," just like that "narrator" in the dream.

A month later I was having a dream about a ship like the Titanic but also a ship like the one on the way to Europe in Interview with a Vampire. I and several others were in white life-savers in the water. Suddenly people began going underwater. It was a shark attack. One of the people going under was a woman in my local TV commercials---a commercial that sponsors a business that I bought my car from. The following day I got behind a truck on the interstate with that woman's picture in the exact pose she was in my second dream.

Later in the week I thought of the ex-boyfriend in that cranio session. I got home and he called. He saw a billboard that made him think of me. I hadn't spoken to him in about eight months. As he talked, I heard another voice over narrative. Later that day I went to Target. I was drawn to the impulse buy section. I bought Interview with a Vampire. I watched it. Brad Pitt spoke the exact line (and I can't remember the details of that movie/narrator line now) that I heard when I spoke to the ex-boyfriend. Furthermore, I saw a stone angel in the movie eerily shift at the very moment I thought I should move a very similar photo of a stone angel purchased in New Orleans years before.

These are just a few of the multidimensional experiences I have had because of implemented magick. I never had any of these experiences prior to my relationship with my ex-lover the Chaos Magician. I know now my life is on a continuum. I believe I practice a very different magick than Chris. My ideal is love, compassion and service. I live my life according to those ideals. Chris never pronounced such ideals. He believed in integrity. I still don't know what that integrity is. It is certainly a far cry from Webster's definitions. But then, so was Chris.

Magick changes life emphatically. It is wild to experience first hand.


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