Fate Ranting (Frustrated Me Lamenting Concepts of Destiny)
The thing with me and fate is, I don’t really like fate. Let’s say first that she’s had some nasty turns in store for me in the past couple of years, and we’ve had a few arguments. She’s a bit of a bitch sometimes and very, very stubborn. Do I believe in fate? What I believe in, and I’ve said this before, is a spectrum of fates that range from potential most to least realized. The factors defining “realized potential” would include happiness, satisfaction, contributions to the lives of others, usage of gifts and abilities, following of a calling, overall quality of life and quality of character. Obviously we all have, at least in my opinion, almost unlimited potential in the field of character. We can all be good people. We may not all be able to write symphonies, but, we can all stop lying, (or lie less, at least), help old ladies across the street, stay loyal, things like that. We’re all capable of these things. I don’t care how horny you are, regarding the loyalty one in terms of relationships, you can keep it in your pants. If you need to lie than obviously you’re doing something that doesn’t involve fully realizing your potential. Or you’re a super secret government agent. Either one.
An example of a fulfilled, actualized life… I was going to attempt to foresee what mine would look like at the end of it looking back, if I were to fulfill it, but that’s far too fortune-teller-ish and I really have no idea. I will say that to be realizing my potential right now I should be eating healthier, meditating more, working on overcoming some vicious cycles/self-defeating habits I’ve carried with me all my life, spending more time with my friends, being more caring and supportive of my family, I should be working, independent, and so on. Obviously not an amazingly original idea, but, it can tie into a lot of things, such as death and rebirth, heaven and hell, karma, anything involving cosmic-rankings.
About the habits and tendencies that have been doing harm to my life in general and that have been standing in the way of me achieving my potential: I watched a video earlier on using affirmations to overcome self-defeating behaviors, and it listed several that I think apply, such as fear of conflict, fear of women, and fear of failure. Fear, of course, as the program (AA) and a ton of self-help books tell us, basically runs most of our lives…if we let it. The idea of classifying fears into categories like these, however, seems brilliant at the moment. I’ve never really looked at how these things have truly affected me and how they could be changed. The woman thing I’ve vaguely known I would just have to work through with time and effort, but the idea of using a specific plan and direct affirmations to deal with that fear is something I haven’t thought of. It’s one of those things that I’ve talked about over and over and over again in therapy and never really developed a plan to carry out doing anything about it. I think a key for me succeeding in the rest of my life is going to be changing these patterns of behavior and learning to sculpt myself through these affirmation exercises. I’ve had tremendous success with them before, just never in that sort of specific way.
But briefly getting back to the fate thing, I find it to be almost insulting at times (it seems I find more than a few things insulting) in that supposing fate guides our lives, it must have been fated that I would relapse repeatedly and spend months in the mental hospital and have failed relationships and screw over my family over and over again. If it was me, I can be like, oh well I made a mistake. If it was fate, it’s more like, why the hell did I get THIS fate? Why didn’t the guy across the street get it? I’m not saying I don’t like how everything has turned out, I actually do like it. I’m just saying that I feel more comfortable and have more acceptance about my past when I view life as a series of choices instead of a series of points in a pre-set path determined by some force or higher will or whatever. I would rather it be my fault, and with that fault, something that I can learn from and not do again due to my own choices and not the whims of some mystical power.