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Feng Shui? No Way. Does It Really Matter What Direction Your Toilet Faces?

Updated on September 3, 2017

There is a peaceful element to things that form pleasing patterns, but can one take it too far?

I will admit it, I am not a fan of ancient Chinese Philosophy, but really, what difference does it make which way the toilet faces as long as long as it flushes

I have friends who love posting Chinese wisdom from the greats like Confucius, Laozi, Ge Hong. All I can think of is Confusion, Lousy and I don't even want to tell you what comes to mind on the last one.

As a Christian, I often find flaws with Chinese philosophies and not because I am being judgmental and elitist, but because at the core it doesn't make sense. You can always tell the difference between Godly wisdom which comes from outside the human perspective, and man-made wisdom that doesn't quite reach the high bar and often falls flat on its face when put to the test.

Here are just a few Chinese proverbs that landed flat and then we will get on with the art of which direction your toilet should be facing for maximum peace when going potty.

Chinese philosophers words of wisdom that fail the test, for me anyway.

"A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving." Author: Tzu

Hmm, where do I start. A good traveler should be comatose and awoken upon arrival? In my book, the good traveler is someone who can read a map, has enough food to get them through the longest traffic jam, likes to listen to the same music I like and is up for frequent walk and toilet breaks and doesn't criticize my driving.

"For the wise man looks into space and he knows there is no limited dimensions." Author: Tzu

Well, duh? Didn't take a wizened philosopher to figure that one. A two year old with good eyesight could fathom the same.

"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without." Author: Confucius

Tell that to David when he was felling Goliath. Personally I prefer pebbles with flaws. They are more interesting even though they don't sparkle and draw attention to themselves, they still are things of beauty if you search beyond the surface.

Okay, so back to toilet positions and Feng Shui

So, it is my belief that whoever created Feng Shui had a strong case of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder though there have been countless research articles written on environmental influences on psychological well being.

If you live in a messy environment, chances are your thoughts and habits will be messy as well. If you live in a clean and ordered environment, then you should have less stress; be able to find what you are looking for when you need it and not buried under a load of clothes you tossed on top of it planning to fold and hang them up later.

Granted, there are some good reasons to have a well-structured, organized, clean environment and a peaceful environment does encourage peaceful thoughts, but does it honestly matter which way your toilet turns? Does your "energy" really need "cleansing"? Will a dead or dying plant bring bad luck to your office or kitchen? Maybe that is why we lost that $20,000 account, because someone forgot to water the Ficus? Hardly, but what about that toilet?

According to the book, if your toilet is in the wrong location in your house (and they don't mean in the living room instead of the bath) you could literally be flushing good Chi down the drain. No, not Chai, that's a tea, but Chi; the vital life force that flows through your body, which I am assuming is not urine or feces, because of course, that is what is supposed to come out you and be flushed down the drain.

I suppose to a Christian, Chi would be the same thing as spirit or maybe soul. When we feel electrified, full of joy, burning with a desire to do the right things in life, we attribute it to the Holy Spirit working within us. Christ promised to send the Holy Spirit when he left us to return to heaven, even stating that the Holy Spirit could not come to earth until he rose to heaven, but that's for another article.

In short, the more balanced your environment, the better for your Chi or spirit. If you have ever walked into a fancy hotel bathroom with perfect white towels lined up in neat columns and rows, automatic sinks, toilets, sparkling tile, fresh flowers and a heavenly scent, along with a huge mirror and a lounging area that looked like it was fit for a queen or king, then you know that it lifts your spirit a lot more than the gas station toilet with the burned out light, spider webs in the ceiling and roach poop lining the doorway, but does it matter which way it is facing?

Maybe it matters if it faces an open highway and the door lock doesn't work well? Maybe it matters if the lights are burned out and it has a window facing the incoming sun, but probably not if it faces north or south or is in the far right of the store or the back center.

The steps you can take to counter a poorly placed toilet if you so desire to do so

Yes, you can counteract the bad luck of a poorly placed toilet. According to our source, you can use a mirror with a wooden frame to balance your toilet. No, I am not making this stuff up. Granted, a well placed mirror can make any room look brighter and larger, but wood? I think our Chi, at least mine, is incapable of telling the difference between wood or composite material made in wood-grain pattern.

We are also told that some tall or bushy plants will restore energy to our Chi. My bathroom is so small that I could not fit a tall or bushy plant in it. Maybe I could hang some Spanish Moss from the ceiling, the Mediterranean geckos would probably appreciate that for their Chi anyway, though I think they are just grateful I do not step on them as they dart out from under the hot water heater closet. They help keep the roaches down so we coexist peacefully. Perhaps my Chi needs some fine tuning after all...

Okay, I'll admit this one could use a little Feng Shui maybe!!!
Okay, I'll admit this one could use a little Feng Shui maybe!!!

"Dealing with toilet troubles" I kid you not!

The book states that a toilet is unlucky no matter where it is situated in your home. My bowels would beg to differ. We are told to keep the toilet seat closed, to keep the bad juju in the toilet from getting out to the rest of the house one supposes.

We are also to keep the bathroom door closed. Around my house and the office, that is a big no-no as I have waited up to an hour for someone to come out the bathroom only to discover no one was actually in the bathroom and I was about to wet my pants.

We are also told that when choosing a toilet we should try to pick a small, inconspicuous one. I don't have words... well actually I do, but it isn't polite to say them. You can also place candles made with red wax, as if that matters...apparently the fire red of the wax balances out the blue of the water...

Can you hear my silence? Ummmmmm..... just "no" people.

There is no wisdom in any of that as far as Chi goes, Keeping the lid down can keep the cat from falling in or the dog from drinking from the toilet. Candles when burned can help mask the smell of bad odors and dark wood framed mirrors help break up the monotony of a solid light wall and having a nicely decorated bathroom with a good rack of magazines and puzzle books and spare rolls of toilet paper you can reach from the seat are definitely all perks in my book, but spare me the Feng and Shui.

When I think of toilet troubles I think of clogged drains, bad smells, slow flowing water and reaching those hard-to-reach stains behind the toilet bowl, not whether my toilet is in the wrong place or my mirror frame is steel not wood, but maybe I am being too harsh.

Keeping your bathroom neat and clean and visually appealing is a plus, but, let's be real

I remember walking in to a friend's bathroom and feeling like I had been transported to a tropical island. The shower curtains had dolphins jumping through waves, seashells were everywhere. The soap dispenser was in the shape of a mermaid and even the drawer pulls were shaped like seashells. I was almost a little disappointed that the toilet paper did not have a nautical theme to it.

I was even tempted to take a photograph of it and share with friends. My own bathroom is dismal; barely big enough for one person with a giant toilet that my brother picked out for me along with the grey and white linoleum tile as a house warming present along with a new bathroom floor as the old one had rotted out. The rose patterned wall paper looked good when it was first put in, but now is peeling in spots and yellowing a bit where the glue has leaked out of the overlapping areas. There is always dust and dirt and dampness and smelly clothes in a hamper, not exactly conducive to peace of mind, but its a bathroom. I only go in there to shower and use the toilet or check to make sure I don't have toothpaste on my chin before I head to work or social events.

Would I like to have a cleaner, neater bathroom? Sure, who wouldn't. I'd also like to have a housekeeper who cleaned the bathroom for me, which would be a daily chore the way I track in dirt and water.

Would my health, wealth and happiness be increased if I balanced the elements of my bathroom and disguised the toilet with an airtight lid to keep the bad Chi from draining out? Probably not.

I don't take Chinese Philosophy too seriously. If you do, I apologize for being so flippant in excusing it. It has its good points and goofy ones. If you like plants and candles and fancy mirrors and fuzzy carpets or squishy ones made of bamboo woven together by Buddhist Monks in the caves of the highest mountains in the furthest reaches of earth, then have at it, but I wouldn't loose any sleep about my Chi draining down the toilet if I were you.

Does your bathroom meet the requirements of Feng Shui?

How well balanced is your bathroom?

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