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Follow your dreams despite the risk.

Updated on July 4, 2016
Nadine May profile image

Nadine is from Cape Town and is both a visionary fiction author, an art therapist and a graphic designer. Loves gardening, reading & writing

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“Many of you who are dwelling on Earth shall have the opportunity to complete the cleansing and take flight, flight into another state of being, flight into another realm of many parallel proportions. Uplifting your consciousness and creating the heaven that you all desire to see manifest on Earth, shall first be recognized within the psyche of your being.”

Barbara Goulding

Transformation

We hear of words like transformation, awakening, having a Soul purpose or being true to ourselves, but what do these really mean?

Transformation – a physical transition from one medium to another, is the closest description that I could find on Wikipedia, the free online encyclopaedia. The words that Barbara Goulding wrote on the Dragonfly Portal – Transformation came closer to my heart.

Dragonfly totem leads you through the mists of change to the land of magic where you find your true power and you hear the wisdom of your soul. Barbara Goulding

The inner voice that challenged me during the seventies to take a flight, being the dragonfly, urged me to have the courage to do so fifteen years ago.

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Having a Soul purpose

What is the purpose of the soul? Where does it come from and how can we attune it so that we may experience a fulfilling and successful life?

Over the years I met many people who had no idea about what I meant, or they honestly shared that they did not have the courage to follow their dream. When I shared my feelings about following one’s inner calling, I explained it to be like a sense of purpose that is essential to attract a satisfied and harmonious life.

  • A Soul’s purpose. – For me this is to find one’s highest purpose to life on Earth. Whilst it may be reflected in the outer world through a job, or expressed through a hobby or any activity that gives one joy, the guiding energy of the soul comes from within. It is at the heart of us all, without exception.

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Why the fear?

“What am I afraid of?” was what I often asked of myself during my years of Transformation. I knew in my heart that it was the rejection I would face. I read many books on the topic of transformation, attended workshops and joined groups that all shared a similar need; to make a difference. This intent is all very well and honourable, but we all learned that it MUST start with one’s self.

In 1994 I joined a group of people from Port Elizabeth, where I was living at the time, on a journey to the United States. This was my first visit to the USA. Part of my plan during that 8 week trip throughout the USA was to visit the Edgar Casey Foundation in Virginia. I had read a lot of books about him.

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The first book we have all read

I was programmed from childhood to believe that we should always consider others first above and beyond our own needs. That was clearly written on the first page of my life’s book! Following that daring idea of being true to myself was scary. I needed lots of confirmation. My tendency to search for truth in order to support the beliefs I was told during childhood was strong, because I challenged all the beliefs that had shaped me during my first thirty years. They did not ring true for me anymore.

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Be true to ourselves

Oscar Wilde once said with his usual wit: Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.

I can truly say that for the first thirty years of my life I suppressed that inner voice that kept nudging me to wake up! Today when I look around me at the people I meet at meetings or functions, I know that I’m different; especially when they proudly proclaim they are no different than they were the day they turned 16 or 26 or 36. Do these people seem flexible, easygoing, happy people?

I don’t think so. They are so busy insisting that nothing has changed, that they are incapable of taking on new ideas, learning from others, or growing up! They might believe that they are "being themselves" but in reality they are often NOT!

I once said to someone close to me: “Your unwillingness to change is a sign that you are growing old” I think that today this person has changed, but it was a painful journey.

Are you true to yourself?

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What does that really mean, being the real YOU?

The real us is not the personality we show others most of the time, at least I never did during the first thirty years as a mother, housewife and part time art teacher. The following points all applied to me until one profound moment in my life that I’ve written about before.

  • Many people show to the outside world the face that they think others want to see and will like them for.
  • People often dress up to be admired by others and so to feel worthy.
  • A lot of people give in to behaviors in order to be accepted in their social environment.
  • Many people are very good at hiding the true feelings they have when so called friends or family are talking to each other. They hide them in order to fit in.
  • Deeply hurt people often think it was their fault. In a way it was, but by not being honest they attracted the hurt into their lives.
  • Going every day to a job they hate in order to make a living, in order to be a responsible citizen and pay your debt. (This is a biggy. Many people are still trapped into that prison)

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Recommended reading

Before you love someone else, you should know what it's like to be loved. Know yourself before you begin understanding others.


This video holds such a beautiful,crucial and important message at this time. Clearing old energy.

It takes courage to honor ourselves

I use the word Courage, because for many like me true transformation is like fighting a duel when there is no guarantee that you will win.

  • Stop caring how others perceive you.

The first hurdle is often to stop caring what others think or feel about you socially, intellectually or privately. If you suddenly one morning dress for work the way you feel like, might not be aesthetically wise or the most flattering. If you wear flat shoes instead of stiletto heels or wear casual clothes instead of a suit that might jeopardize your job.

  • Speak up when you disagree, but find a kind way to do it and let people know why you think the way you do.

Some people might feel hurt when you speak from the heart, but learn not to take it personally. It’s their stuff and not yours. Yes your family could be angry or disappointed. The people at work might shun you, or you might not get invited to a function, but believe me it will blow over.

  • Be kind to yourself, give yourself treats.

I learned from an early age to disappear into my fantasy world when things were not so nice, and later as an adult it was the hobbies I got engrossed in that became my escape route. I was lucky.
I’ve met many people since then who have an addictive nature. Some start drinking as a treat in order to hide from feeling scared, unworthy, sad or lonely. Treating yourself can take many forms. One is to give yourself the luxury of ‘TIME’ By that I mean, put aside a period in a day that is totally for you. Book a hairdresser appointment, take a friend for coffee, do some gardening, or write a hub; anything that at that moment boosts your self esteem.

  • Never compare yourself to others.

Role models are for many people an example how they want to be seen by others, but what about who you are as an individual? Cultivate your own uniqueness. Find out what gives you joy. Be your own best friend. Only when you truly love yourself for who you are, will you have enough courage to live a trans-formative life.

  • Let go of the family and friends who cannot love you for being the real you!

This period during your transformation can often be traumatic. The people and routines you’ve known forever no longer align with your values. Yes you will always cherish the memories, but you find yourself letting go in order to move on.

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We have grown apart from someone

No matter what you do or how much you explain yourself, some people will gradually move out of your life. If you hang on to them, as time goes on they will prove over and over again that they are committed to misunderstanding you and clashing with your needs.
Years ago I became a marriage counsellor in order to learn that in any relationship there are cycles.

The Romantic Phase – 2- Power Struggle Phase – 3- Parallel Relationship Phase - 4 The Fork in the Road Phase – 5 Reconciliation, and Beginning Again Phase.


In my own case when I recognized that my marriage had once again reached the fifth phase, I chose not to go through another ‘beginning phase’ again. We had grown so much apart, we would only make each other unhappy, so we parted with grace.

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Letting go

These are my last two paragraphs in this post because that is what made me write this hub in the first place. I need to let go of a very dear individual but I know why I’m doing it. I will only ad the link to this post in my email. No more other emails, knowing in my heart that my letting go has never been the reasons that I stopped loving him, but at the moment I do not like what he has become.

On the journey of awakening there are many hurdles to overcome, one of which is to take leave of people in our lives who we will always love dearly, but because they cannot love us, or forgive us for whom we have truly become, they keep being unkind. The energy they express is not too truly to hurt us. They are hurt themselves and we have shown the courage to change from within, which they cannot do for having the lack of courage that it takes to do that.

Namasté

Nadine

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    • kerlund74 profile image

      kerlund74 3 years ago from Sweden

      Important hub. This tell us about the most important thing in our lives. To be true to our selves. I believe in this. I work had on this, and I succeed step by step. But it is painful sometimes and some people don't like or understand me. I voted this hub up and beautiful.

    • cecileportilla profile image

      Cecile Portilla 3 years ago from West Orange, New Jersey

      Wonderful Hub Nadine May! Many people (especially women) get depressed when going through the reconciliation and beginning again phase. That is a tough phase when a marriage has existed for numerous years and and especially when the female has lost her youth. I like the concept of honoring one's self i.e., not caring about what others think about my actions as long as they make me happy and fit within social norms. This is a great hub for self reflection. Voted up!

    • tsmog profile image

      Tim Mitchell 3 years ago from Escondido, CA

      hmmmm . . . Nice! Offers pondering, introspection, less reflective, more centered, and being proactive. I shall read once more . . . slower.

      tim

    • Bk42author profile image

      Brenda Thornlow 3 years ago from New York

      This is an excellent hub! It took me many years to learn to be true to myself. I was also taught to put others first and that looking out for my own happiness was selfish. Of course, when I started taking control of my life and happiness I did lose several "friends" but i know this was because they weren't real friends. I also had to learn not to compare myself to others. Letting go of this all has made a world of difference. Thank you for sharing. Voted up!

    • Ericdierker profile image

      Eric Dierker 3 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Very good stuff. But it does make me sad to see a couple split up because one thinks they can go find happiness, as though it is in someone else's greener pastures.

    • Nadine May profile image
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      Nadine May 3 years ago from Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa

      Hi kerlund from Sweden. Thank you for your comment. I'm at this moment reading your hub 10 Quotes Made by children and I wished I had written them down. I'm going to bed while trying to remember them, but loved reading yours.

    • Nadine May profile image
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      Nadine May 3 years ago from Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa

      Thank you for reading my hub and your comment Cecille. I like to comment on the last post of anyone who has read my last post, that way I feel Ive kept up, so I'm especially glad you voted my hub up!

    • Nadine May profile image
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      Nadine May 3 years ago from Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa

      Wow I've just come back from your last submitted hub on reading strategy so thank you for reading my hub.

    • Nadine May profile image
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      Nadine May 3 years ago from Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa

      Hi Brenda I just came back from your page and will start reading your chapters My Life As I Knew It. Thanks for your sharing and vote

    • Nadine May profile image
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      Nadine May 3 years ago from Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa

      Finding happiness from outside oneself is not possible, but for many its through a relationship that we discover that truth, so the partner became the best teacher. Thanks for reading my hub. Eric you have an Interesting perspective on Love.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      There is always a risk now isn't there? But what fantastic rewards if we follow our inner voice. Lovely thoughts here Nadine!

    • Nadine May profile image
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      Nadine May 3 years ago from Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa

      Absolutely Billy, the risk is there but the rewards far out-way the obstacles on the journey. It was the best decision I made, but we never know that before we take a different path. Thanks for your comment.

    • DDE profile image

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Showing and being the real you comes from within and unfortunately it is not always shown in most individuals they feel insecure about themselves an interesting hub.

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 3 years ago from Central Florida

      Nadine, there comes a time in life when we just have to let go. In fact, we will have to do so often. This is how we learn who we are and be true to ourselves. It takes inner strength, but must be done in order to be happy.

      Very inspiring hub, Nadine. And thank you for including a link to one of mine. What a pleasant surprise. I'm honored you found it worthy of sharing a page with you.

    • Nadine May profile image
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      Nadine May 3 years ago from Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa

      Thank you DDE for reading my post and your wise reply.

    • Nadine May profile image
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      Nadine May 3 years ago from Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa

      Hi Shauna I'm so glad that I wrote this hub, even if it was for my own healing. My letting go is in a sense the last straw that might hopefully trigger a loving memory in the person I have to let go off. Give him the freedom to express himself without feeling he needs to stay in contact with me.

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 3 years ago from southern USA

      Wonderful hub. I especially like the part about not comparing ourselves to others, as we are so unique and we should love such uniqueness! We should never try to be the person someone else would like for us to be, as that is a false existence for sure, and an unhappy one.

      Enjoy your Sunday,

      Faith Reaper

    • Nadine May profile image
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      Nadine May 3 years ago from Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa

      Hi Faith many thanks for reading my hub and your comment. I just read Had I loved....wow...and the photos speak for themselves!

    • FlourishAnyway profile image

      FlourishAnyway 3 years ago from USA

      These are good insights for authentic living. I especially like the recommendation to release those who cannot love and accept you for you. It's hard but worth it.

    • Nadine May profile image
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      Nadine May 3 years ago from Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa

      Thanks Flourish its always very helpful to read that a post has given readers some insights. The 'letting go' part of a close family member is not something one realizes might be necessarily, when one decided to be truthful to oneself.

    • Eiddwen profile image

      Eiddwen 3 years ago from Wales

      A brilliant hub and oh how important to be true to ourselves. This great read leaves much food for thought.

      Great work.

      Eddy.

    • Nadine May profile image
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      Nadine May 3 years ago from Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa

      Thanks for your nice comment Eddy

    • WriterJanis profile image

      Janis 3 years ago from California

      We do need to be true to ourselves and I think this is something that many people forget to do.

    • Nadine May profile image
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      Nadine May 3 years ago from Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa

      Hi Janis. Just been to your profile and you are a busy lady writing on all the sites you mentioned. I'm on Bubblews, but not all that active. About being true to yourself. Many people are not even aware that they are not honoring themselves. Most of us do compromise, and that is OK, so long as its not making us very unhappy to so so. Then we have to question ourselves why we keep compromising.

    • epbooks profile image

      Elizabeth Parker 3 years ago from Las Vegas, NV

      Wonderful message here all around and it seems like you have learned a lot and have risen above. Thank you for sharing with us!

    • Nadine May profile image
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      Nadine May 3 years ago from Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa

      Hi Elizabeth thank you for reading my post. Indeed I never regret about the choices I made.

    • annart profile image

      Ann Carr 2 years ago from SW England

      Yes, we have to be true to ourselves which is certainly not easy. However, we have to do it with sensitivity and gentleness, also difficult sometimes!

      There is a fine line between being true to ourselves and selfishness which I haven't quite come to terms with yet. Food for thought. Ann

    • Nadine May profile image
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      Nadine May 2 years ago from Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa

      Thank you for your comment Annart. For every person knowing this fine line is a kind of awakening. Learning that nothing others do is about us. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, and we have a choice to share that or not.

    • Au fait profile image

      C E Clark 2 years ago from North Texas

      There are no guarantees in this world -- except we all die at some point. Pretty much everything we do carries a certain amount of different kinds of risk, some more than others. But, to truly live, I think it is necessary for a person to accept a certain amount of risk. You have a lot of good advice here! Posting this to FB.

    • Nadine May profile image
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      Nadine May 2 years ago from Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa

      Thank you so much for your comment and sharing Au-fait . It makes me glad that I posted it.

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