For Better or Worse... No One Thinks About the Worst
Do you take this man/woman to have and to hold...
For all of you who are not married, here is a little secret that is both good and bad: The for better or worse line of marriage is binding and there will be worse. This is not to scare you, and it is not a bad thing it is simply life and what we all go through. In my case the worse was a little more than I ever expected, but the bond held through even the darkest deepest moments. Here are some of the facts and realities that you will want to consider when getting married. Please understand, this is not a negative hub on marriage. Quite the opposite! It is to help all of us who go through life and find that the counter side of our wedding vows are what hold us together not what pulls us apart.
For Better or For Worse
This one sets the tone for the rest of your vows. I understand, you are getting married, this is the happiest time of your life. We are definitely in the for better time of life. This is when things are at their best. Everything at this point is and should be absolutely wonderful for both you and your spouse. Better is what we all see, better is what we all are. Worse is not and should not be part of your life now or ever... but it will be. There will be times as you grow old that things are simply not as you wish they would be. Things will derail in ways you never thought possible. The amazing part of life at this point is that when you do have the worse times, there will be someone by your side; or you may be by theirs!
For Richer or For Poorer
Getting prepared for a wedding is expensive, in today's world we often spend thousands of dollars for the special day. This indicates that richer is at least a part of your current mindset. Poorer will not be part of your life for a while, but it will come. Keep in mind that poorer does not mean that you will be poor by other standards, simply that you will be poorer by your own.
If you plan on having children your financial situation will absolutely be altered. This is not a bash on children, just a personal observation that money after a child tends to drop drastically. Even if you were both working and continue working childcare has been proven to be expensive. If you have more than one child studies show that childcare will be more than rent in many states.
As money changes in your life you must consider what richer or poorer actually means. Again, let me reiterate that money is not the standard I am using for this assessment. It is something that we place a tremendous amount of priority on, however it is not what I have come to determine richer or poorer to mean. There was a time in my life that I was making more than most people think of in their life, had a house, and my health until within 20 days when it was all gone. Today I have more debt than I have ever had in my life and absolutely no way I can ever "work" again with my disability, but I am richer than I have ever been.
In Sickness and in Health
Sickness absolutely sucks. All of us have been "sick" at some point, a cold, the flu, general illness. Some get sick and then get better, we know these as remission, cured, and other terms. Others like myself will never get "better." This was not something we planned, it was not what we thought, it was the worst possible thing we could imagine at the time. As you may have noticed at this point I tend to have a but when I give bad news...
Sickness for me led me to find the better parts of myself. This is not to say it has been easy, but it has led to a healthier relationship. Funny how that works isn't it? Sometimes our sickness can lead us to places that we never thought possible. We cannot get there without work though. In life we chose to make commitments, these commitments; in he case of marriage, we solidify in the form of vows. Vows we make before people and God. Stay the course and you too can find peace in the sickness even if it is not gong to go away.
Till Death Do Us Part
Here is the hard part... Death can come in many ways, physical, emotional, psychological... In the case of marriage the vow is made for physical death. For us we have been though emotional and psychological death. I am not now and never will be the woman I once was. My husband made the choice to stay with me, even knowing that I will never be who I was. I am mentally deficit from when we dated and married and this is irrevocable.
Here is the kicker, he is not the same man I married either. Life, time, and experience have changed us both. He is stronger now, more reserved, more responsible.
Things did not go the way we planned. Let me be honest nothing in our life has gone the way we pictured when we said our vows. However, I would not change a single thing in our lives. Immediately after we said our vows we became pregnant with our daughter, by this I mean immediately. If we did not have our daughter I honestly don't know if we would have made it though the darkness of going from rich to poor, from health to sickness, and everything in between. Still, if we had not made it through we would not be as strong as we would have become.