I am a giver. I like to do nice things for people. I will give, love and share. As a rule, however, you and I both need to do what's best for all involved. We must stand firm on that. We must deal with those who push the limits. One can't very well expect others to respect our boundaries while we keep moving them.
It is good to give intangible gifts: acceptance, time and love. The receivers of these gifts feel accepted. There is nothing like having relationships that involve these qualities. If what is given helps others, then we enjoy giving.
Now are we really helping someone when we give unconditionally? It is good to give to others because that's how we show love. The gifts we give make life a little sweeter for others as we give from our heart. What can compare to the expressions of joy on the part of the receiver. Ah beautiful moment! What happens when one gives too much? There is no balance in life for giver nor receiver. It's easy to take things and people for granted. It is time to set boundaries. Let's examine this.
There are two types of people to avoid, the spoiled and the ungrateful. The spoiled person expect gifts over and over.There is just no end it's 'Give me whatever I want whenever I want it'. When you give to the ungrateful person, its as if you didn't do anything.
Are you feeling disrespected now? Well you must put a stop to this. It is time for receivers to focus on what else they can do with their life besides being a receptacle. One should give time, love or attention. The kind of giving I am talking about holding back is mostly material, not love. We typically think of money when we give materially. That is not always the case. When someone comes in order to borrow something that he has said that he would give back, you look for him to pay it back. This can also apply to books or anything else of value that you have loaned to someone for a short period of time. It's maddening to wait on receiving back what you've loaned. Stop loaning your belongings out if this is a regular problem.
When you hold back on the giving, you are not holding back love. You are forcing these people to be more respectful. For everyone else you give to, you are forcing them to set goals in life. Show them that you expect them be more efficient with their time and more responsible to themselves and others. For example, allow the college student to pay for his or her own schooling. They may live at home but they can pay for something. Do you have a friend who is always down on his luck? It is no harm to say 'No' to this person. It is time for these people to decide how to make their own way without a crutch. They must focus on what can be accomplished in their lives when they work hard. If you are complaining that the ones you give to always look to you for things but you still constantly give, you are an example of someone who moves his own boundaries. These people will never be responsible for their own actions if we don't hold them accountable, ourselves too! Don't complain about the one who never pays or gives back and you keep giving. Are you finding it hard to say 'no'? Well someone has to set a boundary and keep it set.
Allowing the receiver to take part in making their own way becomes a gift in itself. Give them the best gift of all, Independence. Set those boundaries. A person will learn to establish themselves on their own. Life needs to have challenges for us or else it can be boring. There are and must be ups and downs in life. To expect no challenge is unrealistic to say the least.
On that note, the challenge in this case is to not give if this causes dependence on the part of the receiver. It is good when everyone involved is happy. This world involves giving and receiving. One can receive a paycheck after the giving of a service. Volunteers can receive a sense of satisfaction for giving a service to the community at large through sacrificial giving of time or a contribution of money. This is a type of giving with boundaries. Always take the time to give purposefully. Don't always expect to receive without giving. In order to receive any kind of contentment life one must give. Do not forget to maintain balance in both giving and receiving. You will be much happier. ENJOY!
- Gifts That Give Back - Stories of Giving - Oprah.com
In a world of grand ideas and enormous appetites and huge plans, here's hoping that these eight little articles speak volumes.
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