God, Where are you?
This is an open question not intended to offend or disrespect anyone. This is more or less the exposure of a big taboo. Do believers can hate God?
Of love and hate
I Just talked with a very good friend of mine over the phone. We go to the same church, we shared the same duties as teachers every Sunday and we both married a person that has Paranoid schizophrenia.
She was, to say the least, desperately trying to deal with the particularities of someone with this disease. I listened, without saying a word for about 20 minutes. Then she started to calm herself down and reinforcing her own faith. I interrupted her and in the most polite tone I could mustered I just let it Go...
- Sweetie this is not going to happen. If you are still thinking that one day he will be cured of this, you are the one that needs medication. I have been in this marriage for 18 years and a person with this condition, specially un-medicated, deteriorates.
I have been praying for a miracle for almost two decades and as you can see God has been permanently disconnected. Faith in a hopeless situation is cruel, It does not let you move forward!! I can't even pray anymore, I feel more delusional than my husband!
I am tired of trying to follow something that I can't feel in this darkness. If you keep your faith in a miracle, the wait and the results are going to mutilate your soul.
Silence filled the line. Then she started to cry while she explained,
-So, you hate God?
-I don't’ know. Right now, yes!
-Sometimes I hate him too. There is too much pain, grief, injustice in the world and not enough bread, compassion and love. But for people like us, that know what raw pain is like, Hope is all we got.
I know you, I have seen you, get up in the pulpit and give hope talking about a piece of string!?You held my hand, when the world was coming down on me. I saw God in your eyes.
- Please stop being so condescending, I am so angry at God that I haven't stepped in the church for weeks. I did what I HAD TO. I am tired of being in pain and seeing people in pain, and on top of that, have to put on my poker face so that when I teach a class in “God’s Love” so my face doesn’t contort into a ball. This is why atheists laugh at “church” people.
- But do you hate God?
- Does it matter?
- Of course it does! If you have these feelings towards God, that means, that you still believe in him enough to hate him.
-And this “Is good” in what way? Look, if I was an atheist we wouldn't be having this conversation, or I would have divorced him. My life in general would have been completely different..
- No, it wouldn't. Because you are you. You are mad at your lot in life, not at God.
This conversation, did not resolve any of the problems at hand. But It showed me that hating God, even in desperation, meant that I still believed in Him and loved Him enough to feel abandoned. That is a start...
I made this video today for my friend,as a I am So sorry ...
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