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God, Where are you?

Updated on April 22, 2015
ananceleste profile image

Anan is an online blogger and private consultant since 2009 in the areas of relationships and interfaith spirituality.

Author's note:

This is an open question not intended to offend or disrespect anyone. This is more or less the exposure of a big taboo. Do believers can hate God?

Of love and hate

I Just talked with a very good friend of mine over the phone. We go to the same church, we shared the same duties as teachers every Sunday and we both married a person that has Paranoid schizophrenia.

She was, to say the least, desperately trying to deal with the particularities of someone with this disease. I listened, without saying a word for about 20 minutes. Then she started to calm herself down and reinforcing her own faith. I interrupted her and in the most polite tone I could mustered I just let it Go...

- Sweetie this is not going to happen. If you are still thinking that one day he will be cured of this, you are the one that needs medication. I have been in this marriage for 18 years and a person with this condition, specially un-medicated, deteriorates.

I have been praying for a miracle for almost two decades and as you can see God has been permanently disconnected. Faith in a hopeless situation is cruel, It does not let you move forward!! I can't even pray anymore, I feel more delusional than my husband!


I am tired of trying to follow something that I can't feel in this darkness. If you keep your faith in a miracle, the wait and the results are going to mutilate your soul.

Silence filled the line. Then she started to cry while she explained,

-So, you hate God?

-I don't’ know. Right now, yes!

-Sometimes I hate him too. There is too much pain, grief, injustice in the world and not enough bread, compassion and love. But for people like us, that know what raw pain is like, Hope is all we got.


I know you, I have seen you, get up in the pulpit and give hope talking about a piece of string!?You held my hand, when the world was coming down on me. I saw God in your eyes.


- Please stop being so condescending, I am so angry at God that I haven't stepped in the church for weeks. I did what I HAD TO. I am tired of being in pain and seeing people in pain, and on top of that, have to put on my poker face so that when I teach a class in “God’s Love” so my face doesn’t contort into a ball. This is why atheists laugh at “church” people.

- But do you hate God?

- Does it matter?

- Of course it does! If you have these feelings towards God, that means, that you still believe in him enough to hate him.

-And this “Is good” in what way? Look, if I was an atheist we wouldn't be having this conversation, or I would have divorced him. My life in general would have been completely different..


- No, it wouldn't. Because you are you. You are mad at your lot in life, not at God.

This conversation, did not resolve any of the problems at hand. But It showed me that hating God, even in desperation, meant that I still believed in Him and loved Him enough to feel abandoned. That is a start...

I made this video today for my friend,as a I am So sorry ...

What about You?

Have you harbored hate against God?

See results

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    • ananceleste profile image
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      Anan Celeste 3 years ago from California

      Troyangeluk, I have no idea what is it that you are trying to say. Is obvious that you are confused and upset about God knows what. Your post is all over the place, Did you read the Hub? That was a conversation not a random rant. You haven't even stated if you believe in God or not. Before accusing me of anything get to know me, don't judge a couple of lines. Is sad and funny at the same time, you are judging me for something that you obviously took out of context. In no way shape or form are anyone saying anything about what you mentioned All that misguided anger and resentment makes me wonder...

    • Troyangeluk profile image

      Troyangeluk 3 years ago from UK

      It's really annoying how people act all knowing like they're intouch with God, like any of us even remotley deserve to know his entity. You all speak of him like you know him but your all blindly making statements that are simply opinions, your making spiritual statements of yourselves where you will be judge for at death and in fact you are a human being right now, this alone makes it clear that you simply aren't ready and your opinion isn't in the right place... So I believe you should stop trying to lead the nieve, stop making statements you know deep down when you read this you know nothing about and stop trying to be all knowing.

    • ananceleste profile image
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      Anan Celeste 3 years ago from California

      Likewise LadyFiddler. :)

    • LadyFiddler profile image

      Joanna Chandler 3 years ago from On planet Earth

      You are welcome sweedie anytime i am hear for u to lean on . Have a bless night

    • ananceleste profile image
      Author

      Anan Celeste 3 years ago from California

      Hi Ladyfiddler! You are so right. It wasn't until my husband deteriorated to the point of me turning into his mother, and my Multiple Sclerosis turned my life into a cell that I made peace with life, God and "my lot in life". Due to my illness, mobility became an issue so I could not go back to church. As my children grew and their own faith became stained by grief, church became a burden so they stopped. I sometimes can't wrap my mind around God's will. Then it hit me, as I try to pick up the pieces of what was left of my life, and got more involved with others that suffer, I saw horrific,monstrous things: Sometimes God is nowhere to be found. Men ( human beings) do horrible things, our body will succumb to illness and death. God resides in the human heart, only when that person allows it to happen, feeding that faith constantly then it has a chance to perform miracles. Or the miracle will come about even if you think that He is not listening. My grandmother used to say; The Lord works in mysterious ways, He does.

    • LadyFiddler profile image

      Joanna Chandler 3 years ago from On planet Earth

      I continue my comment.......

      #3 We have to come to a place where we do not blame God for our sicknesses etc or our temptations. 1st James 13 says: Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man: Who we need to blame we do not which is the devil. You know what i find solace in when God takes his time to answer my prayer? I say if natural humans can have just 1 or 2 children and they complain and wheen and get weary of their kids at times. Look at how many billions of needs God has to tend to, so maybe when he has us on hold someone else is on the other line.

      #4. I am saying all this because i am not well either i have a very discomforting illness that doesn't seem to have a cure. I have been too many doctors did all kinds of tests, tried tablets etc. Now I have no choice but to go back to God if the doctors failed, the tablets did, who is gonna help me? What i need to see is that the Lord will not give me more than i can bear and it's all for his glory in the end ' THE SAVING OF MY SOUL" because if I or you was well we would have no time for Him, we might have been somewhere busy for the devil while we place God on the back burner. Sickness and Troubles gets us desperate with God!

      #5. The devil will use anything to turn us against God because he is looking for followers, people with hate, jealousy envy etc. Look at Job I am sure we haven't suffered like him and he said though God slay me yet will i trust him, can't we do the same.

      Don't get me wrong i know exactly how you feel especially when depress sometimes you feel to give up. Don't you ever give up on God he careth for you. Is only when we go over yonder we will see why we had to go through all these things 'Farther along we will know all about. It’s all for our perfection.

      Listen to songs like : Leaning on the everlasting arms, blessed assurance, won't it be wonderful there, through it all I've learned to trust in Jesus, I've been on the mountain with Jesus, When he reached down his hands for me, Jesus hold my hand etc.

      Singers on YouTube ; Iris Dement, George Jones, Charlie Pride, Alan Jackson etc. real old time gospel to lift you up.

      Take care

      ~~~ Shalom & Peace be unto you~~~

    • LadyFiddler profile image

      Joanna Chandler 3 years ago from On planet Earth

      Hi good day Ananceleste i can read the pain you feel in your writings. I am a christian and i believe in God whoever my faith wavers sometimes i murmur sometimes i feel that God isn't hearing me.

      However we have to remember that if everything in this life was fine and dandy we will never know what trials are, we will never worship or praise God. As the song writer wrote : " Through IT ALL I've learned to trust in Jesus I've learned to trust in GOD , for if i never had a problem how would i know that God can solve them.

      #1. Faith is evidence of things not seen and the substance of things hoped for. Too many times we want healing including myself but instead of letting our faith rise we let the symptoms take away our faith, then one day we feel God and say that we are healed, but if we feel a little pain coming on we claim back that sickness by yielding to the symptoms and the devil comes right back on us. We must confess positive.

      #2. We are sinners we have done all manner of wicked things and God still see it fit to feed us, cloth us, share his love and light upon us. Look at Jesus he did no wrong and was crucified he suffered and was tempted in all points as we are but he went through his trials. Once he said : Father let this cup pass from me and then he said not my will but thine be done.

    • profile image

      TheTruthSays 4 years ago

      all i ever wanted from GOD was to meet the right woman for me, instead of having my wife of fifteen years that cheated on me. now divorced and single again, it is so very hard for a straight man like me to connect with a good woman again. i wish that we could have women like June Cleaver and Donna Reed again. they were the very loving and caring women, that were very committed to their men too. and they certainly ACCEPTED their men for who they were, unlike the women of today that are looking for a man with a very large bank account.

    • ananceleste profile image
      Author

      Anan Celeste 4 years ago from California

      Hi epi !

      My favorite poet, I agree. I am afraid is bound to happen, He will have to start this failed experiment called humanity once more.

      Conviction can be a prison on it's own. ( I am living proof of this) I can't hate God, but I sure have no idea what the hell is he thinking.

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 4 years ago

      ...love your passion and conviction and integrity and honesty and boldness - maybe what He really needs to do is flood this entire planet like they said He did in the Bible and start all over again - because man, God love him(bit irony, bit pun), will sooner or later 'self-destruct' and ruin everything that He loves - He gave us free will and we are abusing it - lake erie time ontario canada 3:54am ....yes and hate is a strong word as someone mentioned , perhaps you should just use the phrase 'dislike intensely' ......

    • Rebelchick1 profile image

      Tina Di Troia 5 years ago

      Hey girl, I posted chapter one of Keeper of the Darkness!

    • ananceleste profile image
      Author

      Anan Celeste 5 years ago from California

      Thank you rebelchick1; indeed he does. You should hear our discussions. :)

    • Rebelchick1 profile image

      Tina Di Troia 5 years ago

      I agree. He knows why we say and do as we do and what our real heart says. :)

    • ananceleste profile image
      Author

      Anan Celeste 5 years ago from California

      Thanks rebel chick. I know, I am more than forward when my faith is concern. I think that is something that actually keeps me closer to God.

    • Rebelchick1 profile image

      Tina Di Troia 5 years ago

      Awesome Hub Anan! Well written and says what many of us are so afraid to say. I think we all hate God at one time or another as we did our parents when we were small. But deep down the love and trust is there and I'm sure he understands just like they did. :)

    • ananceleste profile image
      Author

      Anan Celeste 5 years ago from California

      Thank you Abundant old soul, Is that knowledge that grounds me every time.

    • Abundant old soul profile image

      Abundant Old Soul 5 years ago from united states

      This is really moving. I have hated god. Then I remember, he doesn't really care. He loves me anyway. This was very important as I deal with the haters in life. Thank you.

      Miqwa.com

    • ananceleste profile image
      Author

      Anan Celeste 5 years ago from California

      Thank you so much for your comment.Do you remember the story of Job and his friends...

    • imamkrate profile image

      imamkrate 5 years ago from Dubai

      patience is painful but its results are very sweet

      if u were teaching biblical texts so u certianly know the main principles of christianity Hope nt depression Love Patience or Perseverance . in this life everyone has his own cross coz the Creator Himself carried one and if we want to follow Him we ll do the same

    • Mr. Happy profile image

      Mr. Happy 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada

      I think hate is too strong of a word for me.

      I have my questions ... Afterall, we do know some things Gods don't: We know what Death is and we can act with It in many ways. There is power and great significance in that, in my opinion.

      So, I do not hate the Gods I pray to but as I said above, I have some not-so-happy questions ...

      The Faith remains.

      Thank You for writing this. Much to think about. Cheers!

    • Claire Evans profile image

      Claire Evans 5 years ago from South Africa

      You're most welcome, ananceleste. :)

      Thanks, Lone77stone. You're comment is beautiful.

      Just a correction to my comment:

      *God kept His promise that He would (not) allow me to go through more than I could take."

      :)

    • ananceleste profile image
      Author

      Anan Celeste 5 years ago from California

      Thanks for reading and undestanding lone77star.I agree with EVERYTHING you said, but sometimes I have to be reminded of it. I am glad you liked the video, this was my first one.Thanks.

    • ananceleste profile image
      Author

      Anan Celeste 5 years ago from California

      Thanks for your kind words @Clarie Evans. Those are the things that everyone has to remember when things get testy.

    • ananceleste profile image
      Author

      Anan Celeste 5 years ago from California

      Thank you. I will pick it up. :)

    • lone77star profile image

      Rod Martin Jr 5 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

      @ananceleste, deeply moving. Thank you for sharing this gem. And the video, a slice of heaven.

      And a beautiful comment by @Claire Evans. Thank you both!

      Beyond "faith" when defined as "belief" there is a FAITH that blows away everything you've ever felt about the subject. When you are filled with the Holy Spirit, you switch from the dim shadow of the mortal realm where all "belief" is imperfect and spotted with doubt, to the blazing light of true faith which pure and clean.

      I have felt this faith -- the faith of walking on water or parting the sea. This "faith" is beyond "belief," "logic" or "reason." It is 100% perfect confidence.

      When in utter humility you feel this perfect faith, all things through God are possible -- not eventually, not next year, but now -- instantaneously!

      You can do this. Feel yourself fill the universe, not just your body. Feel the farthest stars and the fluttering leaf three galaxies over. Feel God fill you up and lift you up. "Know" his strength, not just believe it.

      The most important thing to God is for you to let go of the dependence upon this world and the methods herein. Put your dependence completely in Him.

      Hold your breath and feel how much your body hungers for oxygen. That need is an arrow and a strong one at that. Fashion your own arrow, stronger than your need for breath, and stronger than every other need in your life. Then aim it at the heart of God. Find yourself depending on him for everything. Step out onto that water and hold your faith better than Peter did and just as his master did. Leave reason and reasons behind.

      Every logical thing in this universe was based on what God created. Your true, transcendent faith connects with His power -- just as Elijah did when he smote the water, just as Moses tried to get his people to do when they were in the wilderness.

      The time for healing is at hand.

    • Claire Evans profile image

      Claire Evans 5 years ago from South Africa

      God has compassion for those who are angry with Him out of misunderstanding for the evil in the world than think. It means you have compassion yourself.

      God is not a genie. He cannot solve the problems of the world unless our free will is taken away from it and we'd be mere robots. What He can do is bring spiritual enrichment out of suffering. He will never allow anyone who loves Him to go through more than they can take and I know that from personal experience.

      I have a father who is a psychopath. He purposely suppresses his conscience. He recently stopped paying my mom maintenance. We cut off all contact with him but were concerned about how we would financially survive and yet money did come in. Enough to fulfill our needs.

      I suffered from unbearable night terrors and no amount of praying helped. I was furious with God. I even wondered if He enjoyed seeing me suffer. I almost lost my faith but once I was contemplated suicide, they stopped because of medication I was prescribed. God kept His promise that He would allow me to go through more than I could take. Why did He allow me to go through hell? The spiritual enrichment I got out of it was fantastic. Every bit of suffering strengthens the faith which will allow one to trust Him more in future hard times.

      And God is not looking from afar watching the world suffer. He is suffering with us. God never spared Jesus, his own Son, from being killed and descending into the pit of hell.

      Feeling angry with God is just part of the journey in life. It is not something to be ashamed of.

    • parrster profile image

      Richard Parr 5 years ago from Oz

      Thoroughly enjoyed this honest and compelling read. A good book on this topic is Larry Crabbs, Shattered Dreams. Voted up. Thanks for sharing.

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