Most of the time I would wonder if God still hears my prayers. In almost all aspects of my life I seem to be a failure. Anything I touch is cursed. This feeling have been going on for quite a while but I had to convince myself that its not true.
When I was younger, I visualized myself becoming rich and enjoying my midlife. When I finished school, I was always in a hurry to achieve my goals. I would hop from one employment to another, accumulating experiences to bring when I start my own business.
After nine short employments, I was ready to start my on my own. With five (5) friends, we started a corporation engaged in the construction industry, with a meager start-up capital. There were a lot of struggles during the first year of the company but in two years' time, we made our first million. I was on my way to realizing my dreams. From a very poor family, having extra cash on hand is new to me. This never happened to me before, money was very scarce. But my relationship with my partners went sour, I had to quit the corporation and start anew with another set of partners. My new partners were very passive. Work came far between and if ever there were contracts we would lose. I also found some irregularities with the implementation of projects until I decided to discontinue having partners in business. One thing I learned with having a business partner... never make your friend your business partner. When the partnership is dissolved, the friendship is also dissolved.
Still in the construction industry, I registered my company as a sole proprietor six (6) years ago. There were projects, some were profitable and lost money on some. While my projects are profitable, I was able to buy my first car, a second hand Rav4 (toyota) and another a high-lux pick up. I was able to live on a condominium unit which I renovated costing quite a sum.
I thought I was on the right track, though slow. But when I accepted house construction projects, my finances plummeted downward. House owners would demand the best materials for their house but are not willing to pay accordingly. I worked with my contracts above board, giving my clients what is due them. Most of my clients are satisfied, though as the saying goes, you can not please everyone, some are hard to please and are fault finders. Maybe some are just creating reasons in order for them not to pay.
Lately, most of my clients did not pay the final payment. I am now left with zero (0) amount in my account and worst, I still owe my creditors. Now, I am at a lost how and where to get the amount to pay off my creditors because I have no existing project.
Waking up each morning becomes an ordeal because I have to face my bills for utilities which anytime may be cut-off. Ringing of my telephone sends me shivers, my creditors are calling everyday to follow up payments. I have ran out of reasons why I have not paid them. I wish I could just evaporate.
The present situation made me conclude that everything I touch is cursed! I wrestle with this idea everytime it crosses my mind. I may be in a very hopeless situation but I am able to hurdle each day without any injury. I believe in my heart God is carrying me while I am in this very difficult situation. I pray that my ordeal will soon pass and make me realize my dream to enjoy life.