God seems to have made a mistake
Houston...Human...we have a problem...
Has it ever occurred to you that God made a lot of mistakes when He created Humankind? Everything else on earth seems fine. It’s just we humans who seem to have been involved in some sort of mix-up. He must have made a mistake because He seems to have given us a lot of things we don’t want. Let me list a few of them here.
The only place we want hair is on the top of our heads
He put hair under women’s armpits and they don’t want it there. He put in other places, too. You could say that His putting it in any place other than on the top of our heads was a mistake. Ladies don’t like any of it – except the hair on the tops of their heads. Anywhere else is everything from a damn nuisance to an embarrassment. Too much hair on eyebrows – off it goes! Too much on the legs – off it goes, no matter how painful the process. Oh, and one more mistake. God didn’t make women’s eyelashes long enough. But that’s okay. It’s been fixed up with false ones. They look better than the skimpy wisps the Good Lord gave ‘em.
Every man over fifty would look like Santa Claus
No point in men laughing. We’re in the same boat. Every day most of us shave our faces so we won’t look the way God or Nature depicted we should look – long, long beards that grew longer and thicker with age. Okay, so we don’t shave our armpits and crotch, but many of us do wear aftershave. Which brings me to something else.
Gawd! What's that pong?
In the animal kingdom the sense of smell prevails. In the kingdom of humankind the sense of smell is generally considered a damn nuisance. Apart from the perfume of flowers and that which can be put into a bottle and sprinkled on our bodies, any other smell is deemed to be pretty awful. Sweat, farting and various body odors which are quite natural to us are deemed ‘awful,’ and are either regarded as taboo or make for a laugh in our bawdy jokes.
What idiot said "Clothes maketh the man"?
Oh, and probably the biggest mistake God made was to make us a ‘hairless ape,’ (apart from the hair areas already disparaged) for we either freeze when it gets cold, or sunburned if it gets too hot. No other creature to my knowledge wears clothes. Nature, it seemed provided adequately for all but its human species. Yes, another big mistake…
The only sensible reason to wear clothes is to keep warm
But we’ve solved the problem. We wear clothes. We wear them not simply to keep warm – which you’d think was about the only sensible reason to wear ‘em – but to make ‘fashion statements,’ wear ‘appropriate clothing for the occasion,’ even if it means a tuxedo in 100 degree heat, and always something to cover our… Well, need I say more?