I Have a Birthday Every Day
I became quite excited the other day. For no obvious reason I had that undeniable tingling feeling of excited anticipation. It lasted for most of the morning and I had no idea why I was feeling this way. It felt a lot like the night before my birthday or Xmas day when I was a little girl and on waking in the morning with so much pent up excitement and wonderment as to what might be inside those beautifully wrapped gifts.
It was then after checking my emails I found out that after such a long and frustrating battle, I had confirmation that yes! someone was finally going to do something to assist me in my battle to expose the truth about an event from my past. Perhaps it was a premonition I had had, or maybe it was merely a coincidence. Whatever it had been I wondered how I could get that feeling back. That wondrous feeling from childhood. The pure excitement that seems reserved for the young.
I went to bed that night feeling quite pleased and excited with the turn of events. I woke just before dawn, and wide awake I lay there thinking of the events of the day before. I could not shake the memory of that exciting feeling of anticipation and wondered why I could not feel that way more often. Unable to go back to sleep, I looked out the window as dawn was breaking and tried to conjure up that wonderful feeling from the day before.
It was then I had an ah ha! moment, an epiphany.
Unwrapping My Gift
I felt quite silly laying in bed with a smile on my face, normally I am not a great morning person, some would even describe me as sullen, so this was a new experience for me. My ah ha! moment was when I realised that I could feel excited about the start of each brand new day.
Each and every day is a gift that contains a surprise. I might plan my day but there are always elements out of my control. Of course there are no guarantees that what I receive for my gift of the day will be what I want, but you can guarantee it will be what I need.
I used to think that only good things should happen to me and become very annoyed and disheartened when, after truly believing I was a good person with a kind heart, bad things still happened to me. Then I read somewhere that it is important to moniter the way we perceive things. Once I realised this and understood it, I looked back on my life at that point and, for certain, "bad things" did happen to me, but in retrospect they were important in the grand scheme of my life. So they may have been difficult to endure at the time, but I made it through a stronger, wiser person. It had just been a difficult lesson about life that I needed to learn in order to move forward. It had been a gift.
To give you an example, I was involved in a car accident a number of years ago in which I sustained quite awful injuries, although not life threatening. My life was turned upside down, right when I thought I had it all sorted out and my future planned. This turn of events did not make me happy, in fact I became very depressed and felt so out of control. I gave in and started taking antidepressants to numb my feelings. Great for a while, but I had this nagging feeling underneath all of this that I needed to deal with things and not hide from them. So I stopped the meds and because I had a lot of time on my hands I started reading some self help books and also began dissecting my life and viewing it in a way I had never done before. I discovered some amazing insights.
My choice of the father of my beautiful daughter had been a bad one. He turned out to be the husband from hell. However, if I had not met him, fallen in love, married him and tolerated an unhappy second half of married life. I would not have my beautiful daughter, I would not have met some of my wonderful friends, and I certainly would not have met my current husband who is my rock. Some may argue that I probably would have still had a beautiful child to somebody else, but, I say she would be so different and I would not want her to be any different. My friends and my new husband I met because of my exes business dealings, so I doubt I would have met them at all.
I tell people that sometimes you have to wade through the shit to reach the beautiful sandy beach. You never know what the day may bring, or what you might receive at the start of the day. But having an excited feeling about it can't hurt. I now wake up each morning and say to myself "I wonder what today will bring?" and I smile and give thanks for the gift of a new day. And I feel special, just as if it is really my birthday every day.