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Healing From Child Abuse - My Prayer
Part 4 of 5
© Copyright 2012 by Gloria Tanner
Once I finally released by anger towards God regading my abuse, I didn't believe that he could love me. How could he, when I was so angry with him? But God knows us better than we know ourselves, and he used what I loved the most to show me His love for me.
One day, after discipling my son, he was in his room raging angry. I went in to talk with him and said, "I love you." He responded, "So." I told him, "I still love you." He pushed me away and said, "I don't care." Then I wrapped my arms around him and said, "Even when you are agnry with me, I still love you!"
I walked out of his room, and God stopped my there in the hallway and gently wrapped His arms around me and said, "Gloria, if you an imperfect mother could love your son when he is angry with you, then why can't I the perfect Father love you when you are angry with me?" For the first time, I knew in the depths of my south that God loved me.
This left me with the daunting question, "Who are you God?" Who is this God who allowed me to be abused, yet who loves me with a love that goes beyond anything I could ever imagine. I wanted to find out who this God is, and I wanted to find purpose beyond the circumstances of my life.
I want to know you God
in the depths of my soul.
Where you can break through the deadness
bring me to life and make me whole.
I wanto to grasp who you really are.
Wipe away the image I've acquired.
My heart amd mind they don't connect.
I need to be rewired.
As you dismantle the faulty circuits inside,
and the damage is brought to light,
hold me and let me feel your love.
Even if I'm putting up a fight.
Show me how to trust you
when my life is in such disarray.
Don't let me fall into despair.
Teach me how to pray.
Let me know it's okay to be honest.
And with you my true feelings share.
That I don't have to hold anything back.
Even when I'm angry - you'll still care.
I want to be able to give to others
from that which you've given to me.
Show me your will for my life.
Make me all you want me to be.
As I began my search of knowing God he brought me on an amazing journey where I found mercy, grace and forgiveness, and He showed me who I am in Christ. Now I could no longer stay in the confines of self-contempt and shame - it was time to Change.....