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Healing From Child Abuse - The Anger

Updated on September 14, 2012
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Part 3 of 5

© Copyright 2012 by Gloria Tanner

The pain I experienced from facing the reality of my abuse gave way to anger. The rage I had buried within came surging to the surface. I didn't want to face that ultimately I was enraged with God. How could I be made at God; a peon compared to the creator of the universe. I didn't think I had a "right" to be angry with him. For weeks I wallowed in my anger refusing to admit I was angry with God. It was some of the most miserable weeks of my life.

This is when my very wise counselor said, "Gloria, it is what it is. Thinking or feeling that you shouldn't be angry with God doesn't change the fact that you are angry with Him." He then pointed out that I needed to tell God how I felt. Sure, I thought. If I told God how I felt about Him, I would probably be struck dead by lightening. Again, it was so wisely pointed out that God already knew, and He wouldn't be the least bit surprised.

This was a real struggle for me. My view of God was distorted. I was afraid if I told Him my true feelings he would reject me. I pictured Him with a big stick ready to bring all hell down on me. But then I couldn't contain my anger any longer, and the dam burst.

MY ANGER

Why God did you make me like this?
And when I was bused were you powerless
to stop the damage being done to my soul.
Now I bear the consequences - I had no control.
My prayers went unanswered. You didn't intercede.
I was left alone to silently bleed. Now I'm told I should put my trust in you.
Can't you see it's very hard to do?
I feel you weren't there whenI needed you then.
Why open my heart to be let down again?

Okay, so I didn't get struck with lightening, but then I couldn't believe that God loved me. Thus became my quest to know God.....



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    • heartexpressions profile image
      Author

      heartexpressions 5 years ago

      Thanks both Midget38 and Jenna - I appreciate the comments. Yes, Jenna I went though that too regarding my failed marriage. God sure has been patient with me.

    • Jenna Pope profile image

      Jenna Pope 5 years ago from Southern California

      What a beautiful installment. I had an experience kind of like yours where I was mad at God about a bad marriage. I had to do the same thing. no Lightening. I lived. Voted up, up, up!

    • midget38 profile image

      Michelle Liew 5 years ago from Singapore

      Hi Heart, I agree with Molly. If there's a person who's never been angry with God, he hasn't really made the move to develop his faith. But this is a great way to start. And many readers will be helped by the experience. Thank for the write!! Shared.

    • Lee Tea profile image

      Lee Tea 5 years ago from Erie, PA

      Sounds like a good place to start. Thanks for writing - be well.

    • heartexpressions profile image
      Author

      heartexpressions 5 years ago

      Yes, I agree with you. I love reading the Psalms from The Message.

      I appreciate your comments; it is my prayer that God will use this for His purpose. I was a little nervous at first about putting it all online, but I just told a friend if it helps just one person than it is worth it.

    • mollymeadows profile image

      Mary Strain 5 years ago from The Shire

      Heart, I believe that a person who has never been angry with God at one point or another has never really engaged with Him. You're right, it doesn't feel right to be mad at Someone who loves you, but when you're hurting you sometimes just need to vent.

      If you read the Psalms, you'll see that you're not the first person to scream a prayer.

      Thanks for your honesty here. I'm willing to bet that many of your readers will be able to relate and be helped.