Healing From Child Abuse - The Anger
Part 3 of 5
© Copyright 2012 by Gloria Tanner
The pain I experienced from facing the reality of my abuse gave way to anger. The rage I had buried within came surging to the surface. I didn't want to face that ultimately I was enraged with God. How could I be made at God; a peon compared to the creator of the universe. I didn't think I had a "right" to be angry with him. For weeks I wallowed in my anger refusing to admit I was angry with God. It was some of the most miserable weeks of my life.
This is when my very wise counselor said, "Gloria, it is what it is. Thinking or feeling that you shouldn't be angry with God doesn't change the fact that you are angry with Him." He then pointed out that I needed to tell God how I felt. Sure, I thought. If I told God how I felt about Him, I would probably be struck dead by lightening. Again, it was so wisely pointed out that God already knew, and He wouldn't be the least bit surprised.
This was a real struggle for me. My view of God was distorted. I was afraid if I told Him my true feelings he would reject me. I pictured Him with a big stick ready to bring all hell down on me. But then I couldn't contain my anger any longer, and the dam burst.
Why God did you make me like this?
And when I was bused were you powerless
to stop the damage being done to my soul.
Now I bear the consequences - I had no control.
My prayers went unanswered. You didn't intercede.
I was left alone to silently bleed. Now I'm told I should put my trust in you.
Can't you see it's very hard to do?
I feel you weren't there whenI needed you then.
Why open my heart to be let down again?
Okay, so I didn't get struck with lightening, but then I couldn't believe that God loved me. Thus became my quest to know God.....