Healing with Faith in God
I haven’t written a hub in quite some time. Mostly due to college courses that I have been taking surrounding Biblical studies as well as a recent back surgery that has me in bed again for a few months. I have been trying to cope with my misfortune of having a spinal disorder and have been clutching closer to God because of it. I cannot say that I was OK at first because I had a surgery in October 2009 and found out this past February that I would need a second surgery to fix the first one because it had failed. I also had a new neurosurgeon because the first one I had gave up on me which is why I was seeking a second opinion. As everyone knows no one know our bodies better than ourselves regardless of what doctors have to say to you to try to tell you otherwise. I was grateful to find that the reason of the fusion failure was not something I had done it was something that was wrong with me. I found that I have central spinal stenosis along with degenerative disc disease and osteoarthritis. I know that is a handful of problems especially only being 34 but I know that what I have cannot compare to others that may be dealing with problems worse than mine but then again we all have our own battles to fight and we all handle these battles differently.
Using the word misfortune earlier was not the right word to use and I am going to leave it in there instead of changing it because as I write this I found that I used that word and maybe it was for the reason in writing this hub. I don’t think in my opinion that any situations we may have to deal with in life are a misfortune in any sense. In any case we learn from them, grow stronger, and become a wiser person because of them along with growing closer to God and learning from Him why we go through certain trials that we are faced with. I know things happen that do not seem fair or we look at them as horrible things and we wonder to ourselves why is God allowing this to happen to me? Why do I have to deal with this when I worship God and He knows how much I love Him and have given my life over to Him? I know we have thought this when things go wrong regardless of how long we have been in the faith we are only human and sometimes these things do cross our minds. I am thankful for the support I receive from my family at church. We as Christians are family we are all brothers and sisters in Christ sticking by each other through trials and sufferings because we know that sticking together we can create more prayer for healing, more love to pass around, and we also are accountable to each other to help keep our faith strong, to stay on the straight and narrow, we all need to stay on the path of life regardless of what happens so that we can rejoice together in Heaven for eternity and we all know there is no better place to spend eternity. I know that it helped me and without it I may have allowed depression to sink in which is what the enemy ultimately wants.
When I had my first surgery I was not saved nor was I close to God because at the time I was upset and did not want to be close to God. I think in part that may be why some things went so poorly because the enemy likes to get us when we are weak and at our lowest and doubt is something he likes to have crossing our minds in these times in our lives. He knows by pushing doubt into our minds he can push fear and depression in as well and we can fall because of it but we have to remember that with Christ we are not standing on an icy slope we are standing on a rock! The rock of Jesus Christ! I believe I am writing this to hopefully be an inspiration to others who may be dealing with some type of issue and am in hope that this may help. When I received the news that I needed to have this second surgery and that there are possibly more surgeries to come in my future I was ok with it at first, shocked but ok. About a week went by and the doubt started creeping in and I started to get depressed. I didn’t want to go to church or pray because I felt like I did something wrong to have this happen. I am very faithful in God and I was being pulled away by self-pity and depression instead of looking at the big picture. I seeked out help from a dear friend from church and I opened up to her about my feelings. I told her that I didn’t understand why, that I was sad and confused as to why I couldn’t receive healing from God, what did I do? She opened my eyes to something greater. The greater good of God. As Christians we know that we are born into the world with the curse of sin and death, the enemy has created disease and suffering for us to bear and it is our faith that helps us to surpass this and stay with God because he wants the better for us.
I believe this – When I had my first surgery my heart was not open to God, I was dabbling in things not of God and figured that the only way that I could fix myself was to rely on a doctor and he would help me. The doctor didn’t help me he did not do the surgery right, my back for a year and a half caused me so much pain and grief every day. I would wake up in the mornings and be in so much pain that I had to take medication and lay in bed for a while before I could even get out of bed. I would take medications during the day to get through work and be so sore that by the time I got out of work I would have to lay down as it was the only way I could relieve myself from the pain. One night about 6 weeks prior to going to see my first neurosurgeon for a checkup I was at intercessory prayer and my pastor had said he felt lead to pray for healing for me and the group laid hands on me and prayed. I stood up but did not feel relief I thanked my pastor and the others and said God works in his time, I refused to give up. The next morning without even realizing it at first I sat right up in bed without pain, I couldn't believe it, I got out of bed to try to bed over and I did! I could bend over and touch my toes without tears coming out of my eyes, the glory goes to God for that. After a while the pain returned but not in same spot which was typically the lowest part of my back (my tailbone had always felt “broken” from the first surgery) it was more in the upper part of where the other part of the first surgery had been done. I went to my surgeon and I told him there was something wrong still and he told me that I didn’t know what I was talking about his exact words to me were “get off the meds, get over it, and suck it up”. After leaving his appointment I felt defeated and broken, I cried the whole way home. After a week or so I called a doctor in a larger city a couple hours from where I lived I had to wait about 6 weeks before I could see him. I couldn't let that doctor break me, I knew I had more of my life to live and I wasn't going to live in pain any more, God wanted more for me and I know that.
I finally got to see him and he said that he needed to run a test to get information to find out what was going on, he wouldn’t give me any answers until I had the test so to me that was good because he wasn’t jumping to conclusions. A month went by and I had the test done and another week went by before I went back to talk to the surgeon about my results. It was then that he told me that I needed to have a re-exploration for a reconstructive surgery on my spine. He said there was a disc that had almost completely degenerated and the vertebrate was basically close to rubbing bone on bone and that I had stenosis and it was closing off the area to my nerves which causes more pain and as the doctor said they weren't living in a "happy place" and worse case scenario is if it wasn’t taken care of it could damage the lining to my spinal cord which as you know if your spinal cord is damaged then paralysis could/would occur. It is rare for the spinal cord to be damaged by this but for the year and a half from my first surgery my spine was basically free floating between the screws with little to no support which was not good for me at all. I had my surgery a few weeks later with much prayer and support from my church and family. God was with the surgeon I know this as he was also with me.
My first surgery I was in the hospital 5 days, this second surgery I went home the morning of the third day. My first surgery I was in bed for 6 weeks before I could be out of bed for more than 5-10 min before having to lay back down, my second surgery I was up moving around and sitting in a chair for 45 min at a time the day after my surgery. My first surgery I couldn’t drive for 6 weeks because the pain was so bad I couldn’t, the second surgery I was driving to go grocery shopping with my fiancé 10 days after my surgery and walked around the store with little pain. My first surgery I was out of work for 5 months returning to work with major restrictions for 3 months, my second surgery will allow me to go back to work at 8-10 weeks with little restriction at all. Can you see what I see? The first night of my surgery I was alone in my room until later I heard a woman coming down that hallway praising God at the top of her voice thanking him over and over and over for helping her make it through her surgery and allowing everything to go right she had praised him for over an hour maybe more and hearing her do that lifted my spirits and my faith in God even more. God knows the end before the beginning and I believe he placed us together in the room for a reason, to uplift each other and glorify Him for our surgeries and recoveries. Of all the people in a large city my roommate ended up being a God loving all inspiring woman praising him and giving him all the glory for her surgery – how beautiful!
The surgeon found more stenosis that he had seen from the
test but was able to remove most of it; he fused the damaged disc with the
other vertebrate after removing all the screws and rods and replacing
them. He removed the screws from the
lowest part of my spine that were in my tailbone because that was the only one
that had completely healed (going back to me being able to bend over and sit up
in bed after intercessory prayer). God
had me endure this second surgery so that he could fix what I didn’t allow him
to be there for in the first place and it had to be done in order for me to
have a fast and speedy recovery that I am having. The doctor is extremely happy with how
well I am doing in such a short time. I believe that if
God was not in my life I would not be having the success this time compared to
my first surgery, that I would not have been able to be lead to a surgeon who
could fix me the way I needed to be fixed. I thank him everyday for this surgery.
God is there for us even when we think he isn’t. He has a plan and a reason for each of us no matter what trial we are enduring, the pain; the suffering is a test of faith in God. He doesn’t want us to be in pain and without God in my life I honestly believe that I would not have been lead to the doctor I was lead to because I had asked for a different doctor who was not available and could only take the one they had set me up with. This doctor ended up being the doctor that God wanted me to have to assist in making me better. The doctor also said that he has seen cases where once the worst part of the spine is fixed correctly it can relieve the pressure off the parts that are bad and give them an open space to heal so that further surgeries may or may not be needed, it truly depends on the person and the healing. I pray boldly in the name of Jesus Christ for a complete healing to happen so that I can continue to give God the glory for such healing that he graciously gives to us and I believe that God will be persistent in my healing process allowing me to avoid these possible future surgeries. He healed me in more than one way. Not only did he find me the path to the doctor and the quick recovery but in truth he helped me build my faith even more so than I had I realize more now than ever that since I can and do open my heart to allow myself to trust him with my eternity, that I can and am trusting him with my now. All the glory goes to God, my father, your father, our father. If ever in doubt reach your hands out to him and take hold of them because he is there with open arms, he is our comforter, our healer, our redeemer, our life, our way, as the father, the son and the Holy Spirit, He is my all in all.