Hell on Earth, a Tale of Lack of Forgiveness.
To tell you the truth I do not know of what I speak
Let us go to a dark place. A space that only you can create.
One fine man wrote: To Be Or Not To Be That Is The Question. And now you are told that it is not the question at all. For you shall be. And you have no choice what you shall be. Cogito Ergo Sum was written by another great man and it means "I think therefor I am" and alas he also was wrong for there is no being in just being. A rock just is, until the child of four picks it up and throws it in the pond. It will always be a rock. For it shall not think and it shall not even "be" until another makes it a splash.
You are so wise that you think that by simply being you exist. Well you are wrong on that account. You are a nothing until you declare your somethingness. This is the dark place that we all maintain within our own private places.
Look there first my friend. Find that darkness that is you. Know that weak and battered soul. We beg of you to know that nightmare inside of you. For it is there that you find your inner self. I can look at you and see it in 30 seconds, yet you do not even know this companion of your life.
Do not look at me for solace. For I shall rip out your heart and leave you with eternal Hell fire that you deserve.
Bring your self to that brink of madness that is Hell on earth. Embrace it and know it.
We give you no relief but we embark on a journey that you are infinitely invited to join.
We have a coat rack over there with a lovely attendant. That is where you check your ego, but please keep your ticket to get it back. Now come and be welcomed to Hell.
Do not let there be days like this -- until you kick that demons ass from here to hell!
So what do you do? Do you drink or abuse your spouse or do drugs or hate people.
We all have that devil on our shoulder. Somebody told us that we have free will. What an ass. We do not. We are buried in our own hells. Our life is not our own. We are taken down by our weaknesses, be them greed or insecurity or lust or larceny. We are torn down and asunder for the gods we make within our own lives.
Our lives are living hells. Just get over it.
Now I got your limited attention.
Guess what?! I love you!
Oh ya baby I love you mucho. It is the dangdest thing. You can survive in that pit of hopeless despair. You can live through burning every day. But I got something in my front pocket and that is love for you. And you are just scratching your head and wondering how the heck I can love you but I do not even know you. Just call it a mystery, cuz I do not get it either.
You can try your darndest to live in that pit. But if you read these words you cannot stay there. I will not let you. Because I love you. Now I am just a beaten down no good for nothing writer of words and doer of evil deeds and I can love you.
Ok do not believe me. But I can try real hard. Now what can you do? You know you. You are you. You make you. Do not believe that I can love you. I will go with that if you insist. But you have to admit that you can love you. See what an idiot I made myself so that you can love you. Well that is just my love for you in action. Now love yourself.
You are a total screw up. Yet I can love you. So do not believe that but believe that you can love you. Now step back and think hard. If it is possible for me to love you, and for you to love yourself, how much easier would it be for God to love you.
Boom bada bing baby you are loved.
That pit just became a spit in the dirt and you rose above it. You are awesome and you are loved. Now look to that coworker and know they love you. Certainly look to that spouse, child, neighbor or parent. Are you now seeing how futile it is to be in hell?
How could I be loved by this little monster?
Fear and loathing.
So we are inclined to go to the negative. But I put this under the religious heading. You are inclined to be human. However you are also inclined to be loved. It is a strange backdrop of hope and despair. A roller coaster ride on a daily basis.
One time the author was in a horrible rapid, out of the boat. He was banging into rocks and most assuredly drowning. He could not catch a full breath. The water was just over freezing with ice chunks in it. The waves were over 30 feet tall and there was no hope of getting out. His brother ran down the shoreline and stuck his huge arm and hand out to catch him. But the waves were so strong and the current so powerful he knew that to grab his brother's arm would be to pull him in also. So instead he dove down to drown. There was no hope. And yet he surfaced and was thrown upon the shore and lived. The brother blanketing him and hugging him back to life.
Sometimes it is not grabbing on to the love that saves us, but the letting go.
Sometimes the best path looks like hell.
So let us get to the religious part.
Funny that God. What is God up to? Why does God give us choices of hell and heaven on earth. Love and be happy and it is heaven. Hate and resent and it is hell. Personally, he took away that choice a long time ago. Back about 1989. Somehow God just said, "This way to Hell and this way to Heaven". It is not about after life it is about this life. Do I want to live in deep despair and agony? Or do I want to grab this day by the horns and live it to it's fullest? Well that ain't no damned choice at all. Free will ---- bull!
So there you go. My wife will let me live in Hell. She is cool with it but looks at me funny. My children will let me roll around in my pity pot all I want to, but they invite me out.
But I have to be honest here. God will not let me live there. I have no idea how He does it. He must just close his eyes and reach out a hand like my brother did so many years ago. And I know he is on higher ground and will hold me safe and so I latch on.
May you reach out from the torrents and grab a firm hand and hold on for dear life.