- Religion and Philosophy
Holy wit: Christian Jokes
Even Eve had trouble getting Adam to pick his socks up ;)
Walking on water
One day a Pastor and a Brother took a Visitor fishing on boat.
Once in the Middle of the lake, the Pastor said" I seem to have forgotten my fishing pole, be right back" and to the visitors amazement stepped out of the boat and walked on top of the water towards the shore.
When he had returned, the Brother said
"I need to use the restroom, be right back"
Again the visitor watched in amazement. Once the Brother returned, not wanting to be outdone, the visitor said " I need to use the restroom too"
As soon as he stepped out of the boat, he sank.
The Pastor nudged the Brother and said "We should have told him where the rocks were"
It was about a month ago when a man in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess, so went to his priest:
"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WWII I hid a refugee
in my attic."
"Well," answered the priest, "that's not a sin."
"But I made him agree to pay me 20 Gulden for every week he stayed."
"I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause."
"Oh, thank you, Father; that eases my mind. I have one more question..."
"What is that, my son?"
"Do I have to tell him the war is over?"
Unfortunately phrased announcements
"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."
"Don't let worry kill you. Let the Church help"
"The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church"
"Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7pm. Please use the back door."
Acting Up In Church
One Sunday in a Midwest City, a young child was "acting up" during the morning worship hour.
The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle.
Finally, the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out.
Just before reaching the safety of the foyer, the little one called loudly to the congregation,
"Pray for me! Pray for me!"
A child's prayer
From a 3-year-old:
"Our Father, Who does art in heaven, Harold is His name.
A man, down on his luck, went into a church which catered to the "uppity". Spotting the man's dirty clothes a deacon, worried about the churches image, went to the man and asked him if he needed help. The man said, "I was praying and the Lord told me to come to this church."
The deacon suggested that the man go pray some more and possibly he might get a different answer. The next Sunday the man returned. The deacon asked, "Did you get a different answer?"
The man replied, "Yes I did. I told the Lord that they don't want me in that church and the Lord said, 'Don't worry about it son; I've been trying to get into that church for years and haven't made it yet."