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Horoscope Review: AskNow.com, Most Pathetic Phone Psychic Reading Ever
Fake Psychic Sylvia Browne Was a Co-Founder
After checking AskNow.com's list of psychics -- among them Sapphira, Selena, Starlight Rose, Shamana, the usual unlikely names -- and learning that their normal rates for phone or chat were $5.99 or $6.99 per minute, I phoned. The young customer service rep proudly told me that the co-founder of AskNow was the famous psychic Sylvia Browne. "She used to be on The Montel Williams Show," the rep said.
I was shocked. America's most disgraceful fake psychic, Sylvia Browne, owned the business and they brag about it? Browne's other network, SpiritNow.com, discreetly didn't mention Browne all until after she was safely dead. I listened as the rep recommended for me two of their 250 psychics, Miss Wanda and Psychic Master Nunu. The fee was 10 minutes for $70, or, for first-timers like me, a special: 20 minutes for $40, charged every month, with a one-time today-only deal for 20 more free minutes. That was $1 a minute. I said I wanted the free 5-minute reading that AskNow.com advertises, and persisted while the rep tried three more times to hard-sell me the $40 special. At last she put 5 free minutes in my account, warning that every extra minute cost $6.99 and that I might kick myself later. Give that girl a raise.
When I called their extensions Miss Wanda and Master Psychic Nunu were already occupied, although I could request a callback. Fearing how much a callback might cost, I listened to a recorded list of available psychics and selected the psychic Tarot reader “Miss Madison” at $5.99 a minute. Just before we connected, a taped voice reminded me, "For entertainment purposes only. You must be 18 years old."
Obviously reading from a script, the smoky-voiced woman told me she had “pre-shuffled” and cut the cards, face down, and told me to pick pile 1, 2 or 3. I chose, and she began to talk about how I do everything for everyone and yet no one has done much for me. This is untrue. I interrupted to ask, "What card are you reading?"
Instantly she got defensive and said that one card can have many meanings based on its placement. I said I just wanted to know which card. Without telling me, she said she never reads just one card; she felt the vibration of all the cards at once. She added, although I didn't ask, that she didn't do her readings by the book or use the classic Celtic layout, that she had her own card layout. I said, please continue reading. She launched into a spiel about how I always plan to save money but never manage to save even half of what I planned (who does?).
I got tired of her smokehouse voice -- so much like Sylvia Browne's! -- as she rattled on, probably unscripted (word for word):
"I do feel," she said, "that, well, you've gone through an awful lot of changes it seems, and opportunities, and there’s a lot more changes yet to happen, yet to take place. I feel you’ve changed a lot within the last — oh, I'm going to overestimate — I'd say within the last year. Oh, a little bit more than that. Well, I say a lot more has been brought to your attention in the last six months, give or take. I still feel that even though a lot of those changes, some of them, have done you some good, I still feel that a lot of them have also managed to confuse you. But I feel that your planets are coming back into alignment, therefore changes are being made. And you have quite a few of those changes happening and taking place --" [I hung up.].
I couldn't stand to listen for five minutes, even for free!
© 2012 SylviaSky