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How Can Someone Tell You The Proper Way To Grief?

Updated on October 17, 2014
Building relationships should be the most important thing in our lives because without it. We wouldn't know what makes us tick.
Building relationships should be the most important thing in our lives because without it. We wouldn't know what makes us tick. | Source

Our Relationship With Our Father.

My Father and Mother separated, when I was just nine years old and my brother was only three. Our father had been in and out of our lives for many years, we really didn't have a stable relationship with him because he chose to live a different lifestyle and he spend most of his time building relationships with others and not finding enough time for us, when we're children. As my brother and I, grew up and married and decide to build our own family, our father continued in his ways. My brother and I, could only remember sharing a few quality moments with him and those times, we will definitely treasure with all our heart. He taught us a valuable lesson to always put your family first then everything else is secondary.

June O3, 2011

My Father was a heavy smoker and two years prior to his death, he'd found out that he had lung cancer. The disease wasn't hitting his organs yet because his weight was the same and his eating habits had somehow increased, when he went to radiation treatments. He refused to go through chemo-therapy treatments because of what his family and friends had told him about the side-effects and so forth. My brother and I, did our very best to convince him to try it but we failed in the process. As time kept ticking, he started to lose weight rapidly and steadily every week and month. My father left us on June 03, 2011 during the evenings hours and thats when family relationship started to crumble.

A Picture Of My Father And Daughter Before He Past Away
A Picture Of My Father And Daughter Before He Past Away | Source

At His Bedside.

I had been standing at his bedside, so he wouldn't be alone but a group of his family and friends were standing there also to say their final good-byes. I'll never forget what happen, when my father took his final breath, one of my uncle's wife made a sarcastic remark, while I was standing next to my father's bed with my eyes closed and head down. This what she said, "Why aren't you crying your eye out, because if this was my father, I would be crying my eye's out?!" I was taken back by that comment and her actions that I kept my cool and left. I told myself to avoid any conflict just go home. After that incident smacked me in the face, it seemed like majority of my father's brothers and sisters starting to turn on me and my brother regarding our emotional feelings. Throwing indirect jabs at us for no apparent reason, but I think it happens in a lot families once a love one dies things start to get ugly and nasty afterwards.

When People Lose A Love One What Do They Tend To Fight About?

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The Message Is To Be Kind Hearted In The Time Of Sorrow.

  • Don't judge people because they are not like you.
  • We are all different and unique.
  • Be understanding to others when it comes to the matters of the heart.
  • We all grief and mourn differently so honor that.

Addressing The Matter.

Why, do I feel the need to address the matter because its a real common fact that people tend to say the wrong things at the wrong time. Its also known fact that watching or seeing a love one die is not an easy thing to go through, but I feel that everyone should be able to grief and mourn in their own special way. People shouldn't have to tell you how to properly mourn, when it comes to the matters of the heart because your heart will tell you when is the right time. If you don't want cry and be fake or use those crocodile tears as they say. I feel like just because someone else is crying or shouting, you don't have to follow their lead and do it also just because. I want that moment to touch my heart like its suppose to. Many people grieving process can take weeks, months, or even years. While some people can break down in the present time and others it can take time for them to do so. In my case, it took months to become emotionally unstable, I must've of cried for two whole days straight that my family thought, I was going crazy because it just happen out of nowhere. While I was watching a movie about a daughter and father as they were hugging and crying it touched my heart so fast, that I couldn't control myself. For some people it can be a song, book, picture, movie, place and even a special item that was given to you by your love one. If you agree with me that It can be just about anything at any given time.

I Felt The Need To Share My Story.

If you went through a similar incident with your family or your going through this right now. Be strong and turn to God for guidance, he'll meet all your needs. Please share your story with others letting them know how to handle unexpected situations like these.

Any Feedback Will Be Helpful!

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