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How to be a wife

Updated on December 12, 2011

It's Not just about being a Bride!

I'm going to be a wife! Help!!!
I'm going to be a wife! Help!!!

“Tell me all about how to be a wife.”

A cry, a request I have heard over the years from a number of women College students getting ready to be married. Although I don’t have any “magic” answers for these women it encourages me that they are seeking the way of God. However, when this same question was once again brought to me yesterday a complete thought began to illumine itself. I use the term a “complete thought” as in that very instant the fullness of the thought filled my mind.

Being a wife is the same as anything we attempt to do or to be….Jesus, get close to Jesus and all will be well and turn for the glory of God.''

Jesus is the ONLY way we can be a good friend, a good wife, sister, daughter, mother OR doctor, teacher, writer, artist… anything! Our relationship with Jesus affects everything about us…both inside and outside; who we are and what we do. Being a “wife” is not outside of this thought.

1. First guideline: be with Jesus and…let Jesus be with you.

2. Second guideline: be, wholly and completely without apology or compromise what/who Jesus made you to be.

Okay, these two questions birth yet another question: and understandably so….

In the beginning He created
In the beginning He created

Who did Jesus make me to be?

Ahhh…good question… Who am I? You, the reader, will possible laugh or chafe at what I believe is a strong part of the answer to that very question which has plagued mankind over the ages. If we, personally, get to know Jesus – stay intimately close to him –we will know who we are. We will also be enabled (empowered and encouraged) to walk with him in whatever is before us in life!

In other words, EVERYTHING we are and do stems from our creator. Listen to the disciple John as he shares:

Through Him (Jesus) ALL things were made; (ahem…that includes you and me )

Without Him NOTHING (no-thing, nothing, nada )

was made that has been made.”

This is a truly amazingly freeing – courage building -- thought/truth. This is one of those absolutes (which many like to claim doesn’t exist as it makes them uncomfortable yet doesn’t change the absolute!) that we can place our feet on confidently.

Do you want to know how special you are to your Creator? Psalm 139 tells us clearly. Our Creator eyes SAW your unformed body – He knit you together – with a unique blend of gifts and talents – THEN He created works (things for you to do with your unique blend of gifts and talents ). God prepared these works IN ADVANCE in anticipation of you! (See Ephesians 2:10).

It’s marvelous. How do you be a wife? God has ALREADY created; prepared the things you are uniquely created to do to be the matchless spouse to your unique intended! And God created – planned your spouse (exclusively ) to do them for. So, again, stay close – very close in fact…to Jesus.

I encourage you to listen as Jesus, himself, tells us – His sheep, children, brothers and sisters, - in John 15 to abide in Him. Jesus reveals this truth himself, that He is the true vine!

Remain (don’t go in and out but remain ) IN me (Jesus ) and (are you ready for this???) I (who? Jesus! Yes…Jesus Himself?) will remain in You!”


In his own words the Son of God

– our Savior and Creator promised us…his own…that He WILL remain in us! HE is NOT going anywhere. Remember what Jesus said just before he went back to heaven to be with Father? Matthew recorded it for us…

And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

These were his very last words spoken to his own before God took him up. However long before this God, himself, promised us this….Moses recorded for us God’s words…Deuteronomy 31:6

Be strong and courageous.


or terrified because of them (whatever and whoever “them” is in our life )

for the Lord your God goes with you. He (God ) will NEVER leave you nor forsake you!”

The Promise for Joshua and us!


It was worth repeating!

But listen God doesn’t only say it once, He repeated himself. This is worth listening to. Just two verses later Moses passes on these words from God to us a… Deuteronomy 31:8

The Lord Himself (what an assurance ) goes before you and will be with you; He will NEVER leave you or FORSAKE you. Do NOT be afraid; Do NOT be discouraged.”

Think on this for a while, camp here…whatever you do --- don’t leave this truth behind!

Check out God’s repeat to Joshua. Amazingly this promise wasn’t JUST for Moses! (Joshua 1:5 ). Also see the faith and assurance of King David in Psalm 27:10; as well as a co-psalmist in Psalm 94:14. God will NEVER reject His very own – His people – you and I -- and others who are truly called by His name.

Finally, if you need just one more assurance – go to the letter of Hebrews – a letter written to Jewish Christians in Rome – (it doesn’t matter where you are ). The writer exhorts in Hebrew 13:4-6 (Some very good marriage instruction here by the way ) solidifying all he says with these words,

“…be content…because God has said, NEVER will I leave you; NEVER will I forsake you.”

Oh my…just Selah here for a moment….revel in this…ground yourself in this… envelope yourself in this!

Remain in ME

So…let’s go back to John 15!

Now that we have many assurances that Jesus will indeed remain in us! (Oh yes He will!) That truth gives great encouragement to us to remain in Him. You are NOT doing this alone, even the remaining/abiding. What a relief…God has indeed left NOTHING to chance where His children are concerned.

With Jesus all things are do-able...



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    • MONICAADOLEY profile image


      6 years ago from PORTLAND

      Thank you so much, it is my pleasure to read your awesome hub, thanks again!!

    • UlrikeGrace profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from Canada

      MONICAADOLEY....congratulation on your marriage. What an awesome attitude you have....Jesus is the integral part of your marriage and if He is in the #1 spot right from the beginning you are already well on your way to a fulfilled and contented marriage journey. Bless you for stopping to read and leaving a comment.

    • MONICAADOLEY profile image


      6 years ago from PORTLAND

      Totally awesome!! I am almost to my one year anniversary and so thankful for the LORD JESUS CHRIST being the third person in my marriage, this is sooo true our intimacy with JESUS will help us to be all that HE created us to be and then some!! God bless you for this great hub!!

    • UlrikeGrace profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from Canada

      THanks Dad...I am glad that you enjoy and appreciate what is poured out of my spirit. Blessings to you and you

    • profile image

      you dad 

      6 years ago

      Ulrike, I thank God for you and what He has given you.

      again you have written right out of His spirit, His word is alive today in you.

      you are truly blessed.

    • UlrikeGrace profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from Canada

      shannon darling sweet friend...thank you so much for stopping to read and comment. Your thoughts are needed in the body of Christ...we learn and grow from each other...bless you my sweet sister and oh how I miss you too!

    • profile image

      shannon barreau 

      6 years ago


      Thank you dear Ulrike.

      There is something here in your writing for all!!

      And, so thankful to our God, for our Savior, our Immanuel...God is with us!!

      Bless, bless, BLESS YOU!!

      Missing you!!

    • UlrikeGrace profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from Canada

      Bukika Holmes...what a joy to be walking with Jesus as we learn what seeking the kingdom of God means....I so agree... I do what He has put in front of me to do to the best of my ability; leaning on Him for the strength, ability and godliness of attitude to do it. In that He is glorified. In that others can see Father as He works His works in and through me...thank you for stopping to read and blessing us with your comments.

    • profile image

      Bukika Holmes 

      6 years ago

      Seek ye first the kingdom of God and all of these things I will add unto you. Matthew 6:33. This is key to all of ventures in life. We first must develop and maintain a relationship with God. This is a step that I must dig deeper into. I need more intimacy with God. Someone told me once I open up to more intimacy with God that the breakthroughs that I have been expecting for a long time will come through because I am now prepared and lined up in the word of God. We have to line up and be in position within the purpose that God has created and called us to. We think that the more independent and individulistic we are that the better we are. What a lie from the enemy!! It is the submission and obedience in faith that leads us to the promise land and to be able to be used by God to affect others. When we catch that concept, then we are ready to be a true vessel for God and the Godly wife we were called to be. I am learning to perform the tasks that were given to me by God and then allow Him to perform what I cannot do. When I am walking in this concept, I am being prepared to do this with a physical partner that He created for me. I have a lot to learn still, but just knowing this concept is liberating and exciting because I am learning more of the purposes and the characteristics of God.

    • UlrikeGrace profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from Canada

      rlsimmanuel, once again I thank you for your thoughtful remarks. You add depth to what I have written and appreciate your perspective. I am hoping that as time goes on I can add to this particular subject. It is one close to my heart. I feel that there is much that is so often left out when speaking to couples, young or older when they are considering marriage. This is, to me, the most important foundation to any relationship or endevour. Once again thank you for stopping in and sharing your thoughts. Blessings to you...

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      Welcome back UlrikeGrace:

      Once again, I believe you have written an excellent article. When I began your hub, I was expecting to read of many worldly thoughts, actions and choices that would make for growing in "wife excellency." Once again you presented a thought and expanded on it that challenges us in our relationship primarily with God, our creator, Savior and sustainer. We live in a very indvidualistic, humanistic culture that teaches us to find the answers to life's problems from "within." This attitude has infiltrated the church of God and yet we presume that God will bless us with wisdom and power to live life as "we see fit or expect." How unbiblical is that! Ulrike, you have presented the answer to a question that points to the only true solution to the challenges life will present in this sin stained fallen world. You have pointed us straight toward Jesus, our creator and sustainer. He is the only one who has the answers for the questions of our longing hearts. He has answered those questions in His Word and He empowers us to live out those answers with love in this world by the power of His Holy Spirit. Be blessed UlrikeGrace and please: "Keep writing." It is in you to do.


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