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Awesome Images Of Jesus

Updated on October 18, 2009
Traditional Velociraptor Jesus, as we knew him best...
Traditional Velociraptor Jesus, as we knew him best...
Fish Stick Jesus
Fish Stick Jesus
Kit Kat Jesus
Kit Kat Jesus
Pita Bread Jesus
Pita Bread Jesus
Dog Jesus
Dog Jesus

Some people say that Jesus never existed. Others say that he was the son of God. These two groups of people could be right at precisely the same time, but nobody wants to see the entirety of that particular elephant. (What am I talking about? You know, the old story with the three blind men touching the elephant and one thinking that it was a tree trunk and the other one thinking that it was a snake and the other one thinking that it was a giant posterior.)

Many people claim to see the image of Jesus in everyday objects. The son of God apparently quite likes paying calls to pieces of toast, wooden doors, and every so often, a pecan pie. Jesus is not nearly as good a visitor as the Virgin Mary however, the Virgin Mary appears absolutely everywhere. Barely a day can go by without a devout Catholic discovering that the mother of God has paid a visit to their bad of Doritos.

It's comforting to think that although terrible things like tsunamis, earthquakes, famines and plagues are buzzing about the world on a regular basis, the favorite deities of the West are paying house calls in the form of blurry pseudo images in the swirls of an old lady's cup of tea that she dunked her cream biscuit into.

I'm tempted to say, hey 'Jesus, how about you get the heck out of my cheeseburger and go and stop that typhoon bearing down on South East Asia?' but history has shown that the holy trinity and the Virgin Mary and Gabriel and all the rest of them care relatively little for doing actual change in the world. They're like the Queen of England, more of a figurehead than anything.

None of this dissuades others from loving themselves a picture of Jesus. Jesus pictures make up a whole entire industry, because Jesus needs money. As George Carlin pointed out before his sad demise, “He loves you. He loves you, and He needs money! He always needs money! He's all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can't handle money! Religion takes in billions of dollars, they pay no taxes, and they always need a little more.”

Fortunately for Jesus, his image is one of the most marketable images in the world. That's where Islam went wrong. It's a sin to depict their prophet, and they're languishing in poverty with only profits from vast reserves of oil to succor them. Over here, we have Jesus revenue. Hallelujiah.


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    • Nolyn profile image

      David R Jennys 

      8 years ago from South Dakota, U.S.A.

      The change that God makes in the world is made through those who believe that real change is possible. The face of Jesus (plus his hands and feet, etc.) are our faces whenever we greet each other in love and grace.

    • profile image

      Michael E. Horton 

      8 years ago

      He is there when you least expect it.

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      As my parents, who both went to seminary said:

      "God doesn't need money, but damnit I need to pay for that wine!"

    • profile image

      Carolynn Jonni 

      9 years ago

      George Carlin did say it best!

      He also said,"All the wars ever fought from the dawn of time more people died in the name of God than any war!"


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