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Is God a Complete Dork?
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Why Original Sin is a Lie and the Flood Never Happened
So, you’ve heard it before. Noah’s ark really existed. He actually brought pairs of every species of animal, bird, insect, bacteria, and you name it on board this boat. Creatures from Australia, Antarctica, North and South America, Siberia, China, Pacific Islands all made their way to the Middle East to get on board. Whoopee! What a roundup, eh? And then God flooded the entire planet with salt water, which would ostensibly kill every land plant in existence, well, with maybe a few exceptions. But not many. When all of the creatures were settled comfortably within the confines of the ark, the rains came. Forty days’ worth. Heavy, heavy rain. Had to be. Flooded the whole world.
Here’s my first question: What did everyone and everything eat while on the boat? All the natural predators and prey were there, including all the fleas and mites and ants and tse tse flies. Yikes. Have you ever read the measurements of the ark? Not enough cubits to hold every creature—in pairs, mind you—for forty days without eating. Oh, and what about the pooping and peeing? There were only eight humans on board. They couldn’t possible keep up with all the dung. How could anything have survived? And then, once the ark landed on Mt. Ararat and all the creatures debarked, how long before they could find any food? Would the lions not immediately eat the gazelles? What about the herbivores? There were no trees or fruit or sprouts or seeds. And how long did it take for all the new continents to form and for the animals to find their ways to them? How did the kangaroo find Australia? How did the penguin walk across oceans to get to the icy places? How did the grizzly get to Wyoming? And how did the parrots end up in South America?
The literalists will tell you that God had his ways, even if they weren’t spelled out in Genesis. That’s a cop-out. If you expect us to believe that fairy tale, you will need to provide a lot more details. But you can’t. The text is closed. And no fair assuming that God just picked up each creature and set him/her on a new land. Or kept them from dying (since there were only two of each) before making it to their destinations.
You’re treading on pretty thin ice, my believing brothers and sisters.
My second question goes much deeper than a flood and some animals. It’s this: Since Adam and Eve were the first sinners, and the flood was due to God losing patience with all the sinning humans to follow them, why did he save a remnant of the same fallen species i.e. Noah* and family, just to start the whole process all over again? If he was so fed up with all the sinful creatures, if he was so tired of being debased, disregarded, and disobeyed, why would he not simply create new humans and get rid of the old sinful lot, including Noah, altogether? Start fresh. Lesson learned. New paradise?
Hmmmmm….. Something fishy (pun intended) here.
There are only three possible explanations for God deciding to destroy the world and yet keep the same fallen creature to start it all up again.
1. He is a complete sadist and, like a scary video game, just wants to play it again and again.
2. He is just plain stupid and didn’t consider the consequences.
3. Or, and this is most likely the default, it all never happened.
You can never justify God’s destroying humanity for being sinful and yet allowing a sinful Noah to recreate the exact same scenario, making it necessary to send a savior over in the New Testament a few thousand years later. And, worse, this time threatening everyone with eternal fire. Do you get the feeling that this god is a bit inept? Or obsessed with obedience? Angry, perhaps? Stomping his holy sandals while yelling “Worship me or else!” Sounds like a spoiled Roman or Greek emperor, or even a pharaoh, not the creator of the universe.
Christian, you can deny every other contradiction in Scripture. You can say that, if it’s not in the Bible, God doesn’t want us to know it. You can yell till you’re blue in the face that Adam and Eve brought sin into the world and therefore, all of humanity is totally depraved and requires salvation.
But you cannot deny that destroying the world because of sin, and then doing it all over again, is anything less than idiotic. Mean, actually. Not the god of love, for certain. And most important, not the incredible Spirit that lives at the center and circumference of my being, the Spirit that breathes me, animates me, loves me. And you, as well.
Thank whoever the true creator of the universe is, the story of Noah is just a myth.
*The Bible refers to Noah as “righteous.” Does that mean he was not tainted by original sin? Not likely.
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