Being a Victim
This is something that I have pondered many times over. Is forgiveness forever? What about rape, murder, continuous betrayal by a loved one?
I am a Christian; not claiming perfection, still a work in progress. But I am also human. The strength of having a heart can also be my downfall. At what point is it truly forgiveness? Is it once the words are spoken, or is it when you are able to be around those who commit transgressions without anger in your heart? If I choose to forgive, but also choose to extricate an individual from my life, is this action allowed?
When it comes to egregious acts, how is it some can calmy without hesitation state that have forgiven; while others speak forgiveness but revenge in the same breath?
If given the opportunity to sit across from the accused, what is the probability that forgiveness can be achieved; even if there is no apology? I ponder the thought of sitting across from someone that has done something so horrible to me, that it altered my whole way of being. What if they caused me to lose my job, or a child, or my freedom? I am less of a Christian, which would mean (in my mind) that I listen more to my human side.
Imagine sitting across from your rapist; this demon that took parts of your very soul every time he defiled you. I want to say with the strongest conviction that forgiving them, will help me to heal. I think contriving the same actions upon him in an even more aggressive manor would at least make us even- in the ways of having something taken that would never be freely given. The fact of knowing that nothing good for me, or bad for him became the final outcome, only leaves an ache; like a torn muscle. Although it is functioning better than when the incident occured, it will never be perfect- and it still hurts from time to time.