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Lessons in Letting Go

Updated on September 6, 2013

The deep roots of stability have long eluded me. So many years of my life have been unstable. So many times I have moved, changed jobs, started over. It was all about knowing that the only "constant" in life is change. I knew that, understood that, made peace with it.

I believed that because I had so many things given to me and then taken away, that it was difficult to let go. I grew up from six-to-seventeen years old in the same house. I left home after high school graduation and became a "hobo." Well, sort of. I had a job (which hobos don't have) pretty much everywhere I went so I wasn't a literal hobo. Due to circumstances beyond my control many times, I moved so much, that I have thrown away or given away more material possessions than I can even remember. Don't get me wrong, because of my multitudinous moves, I am very good at letting go of material things (though I do have to say it took awhile to let go emotionally of my beautiful brand new Camaro in 1989 and my beautiful, custom-built home in 2002.) Some of those, I deeply regret getting rid of. If I think too hard about those items, I get too emotional and forget to let go!

The letting go of physical, material, worldly goods has been pretty easy. The emotional letting go of relationships, friendships I thought were real, even family members who have let me go, the rare stability I have had, - all those situations - have been way harder for me to release.

I found a book called, "The Sedona Method" by Hale Dwoskin. It's all about letting go. He teaches that it's way simpler to do than I could ever have imagined. He says to imagine holding a pencil tight in my hand (or to literally do that) and see how hard it is to let go when my hand is clenched tight around it. Of course, that pencil is not going to be released/let go at all when my fist is wrapped around it, right? Well, what if I just opened my hand, stretched my fingers out and watched that pencil hit the ground? How difficult is that?!

It seems our minds get so wrapped up into a fist around our thoughts that we can't see that the mind acts the same way a hand does - the mind locks onto ideas, images, perceptions, thoughts, fears, insecurities just as tightly as our hand can wrap around a pencil.

What if I had a job with my own income right now? What if I had my own car right now? I have neither of those things. I haven't had my own car since May 2010 and I haven't had my own income since September 2010. There could be a lot of fear wrapped up in those thoughts at my age (I am 51). But I learned a long time ago, as I have said in more than one of my other articles, that F-E-A-R stands for "False Expectations Appearing Real." It's so true! I have been dependent on God and on my precious boyfriend to help me through this time in my life.

It's been one of the hardest times I have had to deal with as far as learning to still have self-respect and to let go of the thought that I have failed. Because I haven't. My life is a result of my choices, therefore, the consequences are mine to deal with. Thank God, He loves me and my boyfriend loves me enough to help me through it all! I have no shame or guilt anymore for the choices I have made in my current past or my distant past. I learned that not letting go is the same thing as carrying extra baggage, extra weight, a ball and chain around on my back everyday of my life and it has benefitted nobody! As I have said before, we cannot always change our circumstance but we can definitely change or perspective about it!

I wish I had learned about letting go a lot earlier in my life. I think my emotional struggle wouldn't have been so rough. I think I wouldn't have made so many choices that have caused me regret in my past. I think I would have been empowered and more determined to make something of myself a lot earlier. I always had the thought of making something of myself but by not letting go of all the stuff in the past, it has hindered me in pursuing that goal sooner. Still, no regret! All the choices I made have been stepping stones on the journey to who I am today and the who I am today is someone I happen to love, admire and respect very much!

I know that all I can do now is to continually strive let go of negativity, of losses I cannot control, of people I can't change, of jobs I can't have back, of actions or words I have done or said that have hurt other people. Letting go, making amends, healing my own heart and forgiving myself most of all, has allowed me to become that person I have always wanted to be. It will allow me to make something even more beneficial out of my life. Like I have said before, it's never too late to live and experience and express my innate greatness! Neither is it to late for you to experience yours!


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    • profile image

      Lene Lynn 

      7 years ago

      purpleangel, you are welcome! I agree our time is way too short. I will be writing more hubs in another 2 weeks or so. I am totally overwhelmed with some other major writing projects right now...but it's all good! Thank goodness I love to write! :) You take care for now!

    • purpleangel47 profile image


      7 years ago from Baltimore, Maryland

      Awesome Lene! It's definitely never too late to learn to let go. Our time on this earth is too short to squander.

      And thank you for the follow - I'll be looking forward to reading more of your hubs!

    • FaithDream profile image


      7 years ago from (Midwest) USA

      Thank you Lene for sharing your personal trials & this Serenity Prayer. Losses like that definitely shape us. I lost my grandmother & father 3 weeks apart many years ago. Last summer, I lost my mom & my job only 4 weeks apart.

      When losses are coupled, the feelings of abandonment and the profound sadness are huge. Thank you for sharing as you are certainly one who can understand. *huggs back*

      Thank you.

    • profile image

      Lene Lynn 

      7 years ago

      Faith, I am so touched with your comments. I am so sorry for your losses. Losing those you love is something that you truly never let totally go. My purpose in this hub was to inform others of letting go of the past, as far as not being able to change anything in it now that we are in the present. It was also meant to help others let go of things they have no control over - for example, letting go of trying to get someone else to change. One thing I forgot to put in this hub was the Serenity Prayer, because it teaches to let go:

      "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

      I lost four family members in 2008 within an 8-month period. My Mom died of diabetes in March, my stepmom died of cancer in July, my brother hung himself in October, and my cousin also hung himself just 7 weeks later in December!!! I am still not totally over losing all of them. The pain of loss through death is something that you don't let go of easily. The pain may never get "less", it just gets more infrequent over time, so they say! I wish you much peace and strength to get you through all your losses! If there is anything else I can do or answer for you, please let me know...*hug*

    • FaithDream profile image


      7 years ago from (Midwest) USA

      Nice article here. I found it was so close to home for me. I'm still trying to let go of grief and pain over my losses. They say time heals, but letting go, I don't know about that.

      Thanks for sharing this wonderful piece.

    • Lene Lynn profile imageAUTHOR

      Lene' Lynn St. John 

      7 years ago from Glendale, AZ

      HI Sherry, yeah, like I stated in this hub, letting go of the material things was easy! Letting go of the hurt, pain, suffering, anger, fear and resentment about people and things of my past - now, THAT was the letting go I am talking about here. That takes a LOT longer than letting go of material things, for sure! Thanks for reading my work and commenting...blessings and peace to you!

    • sherrylou57 profile image


      7 years ago from Riverside

      It is material things and learning to let go is a lesson and you did it. Job well done! God bless you!

    • profile image

      Lene Lynn 

      7 years ago

      Lita, thank you so much for your comments. I am very glad that this article has helped you enough for you to bookmark it! God bless you!

    • Lita C. Malicdem profile image

      Lita C. Malicdem 

      7 years ago from Philippines

      The last paragraph came in very strong to me, I'm bookmarking this hub. I'm just starting to metamorphose from a long nightmare of not brave enough to let go of things, people, events, etc. that gave me negative feelings. This helps me a lot in my new journey. You said it, even at my age, nothing is ever too late to change for the better. Thank you. Useful and voted up.

    • Lene Lynn profile imageAUTHOR

      Lene' Lynn St. John 

      7 years ago from Glendale, AZ

      htodd, you are very welcome! Thanks for following me. I am following you as well! Happy Sunday!

    • htodd profile image


      7 years ago from United States

      Thanks for the article..Thanks for the info

    • profile image

      Lene Lynn 

      8 years ago

      mrod, you are very welcome and I totally believe and even teach others the very same words, almost word for word, that you mentioned in your comment...thank YOU for being who you are! :)

    • mrod profile image

      Monique Rodriguez 

      8 years ago

      That is why there is a bliss in staying present. Our past is as illusive as our future. The only true moment, is the present moment. Is the only moment we have control over and if we decide to cherish our present and embrace it, then the past becomes the road from which everything had to come forward to bring us to our present state of bliss. Therefore, whatever it was we lived, it was all worth living. There are no mistakes in the universe. Everything we have ever experienced, as painful as it may be, is what we had to live in order to arise to that higher level of understanding where we all meet with God and say "Thank you, for being with me through it all." When we reach this high level of awareness in the Supreme Being, is when I think our true life begins. A life full of faith, and grateful expectation, knowing we are never alone. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences, they touched a chord.

    • profile image

      Lene Lynn 

      8 years ago

      Thank you for your input. All thoughts are valid. And yes, I agree "May God bless all."

    • munirahmadmughal profile image


      8 years ago from Lahore, Pakistan.

      "Lessons in Letting Go"

      The hub is full of self experience and based on truth hence impressive and suggestive.

      The guidance available in the Holy Qur'an is:

      "Blessed be He In whose hands is Dominion; and He over all things hath Power;-

      He who created death and life, that He may try which of you is best In deed: and He is the Exalted In Might, Oft-Forgiving;-

      He who created the seven heavens one above another: no Want of proportion wilt Thou see In the creation of ((Allah)) Most Gracious. so turn Thy vision again: seest Thou any flaw?

      Again turn Thy vision a second time: (thy) vision will come back to Thee dull and discomfited, In a state worn out.

      And we have, (from of old), adorned the lowest heaven with Lamps, and we have made such (Lamps) (as) missiles to drive away the evil ones, and have prepared for them the penalty of the Blazing Fire.

      For those who reject their Lord (and Cherisher) is the penalty of Hell: and evil is (such), destination.

      When They are cast therein, They will Hear the (terrible) drawing In of its breath Even As it blazes forth,

      almost bursting with fury: every time a group is cast therein, its keepers will ask, "Did no warner come to you?"

      They will say: "Yes indeed; a warner did come to us, but we rejected Him and said, '(Allah) never sent down any (Message): ye are nothing but an egregious delusion!'"

      They will further say: "Had we but listened or used Our intelligence, we should not (now) be among the companions of the Blazing Fire!"

      They will then confess their sins: but far will be (Forgiveness) from the companions of the Blazing Fire!

      [67:1 to 11]”

      May God bless all.


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