Lessons in Letting Go
The deep roots of stability have long eluded me. So many years of my life have been unstable. So many times I have moved, changed jobs, started over. It was all about knowing that the only "constant" in life is change. I knew that, understood that, made peace with it.
I believed that because I had so many things given to me and then taken away, that it was difficult to let go. I grew up from six-to-seventeen years old in the same house. I left home after high school graduation and became a "hobo." Well, sort of. I had a job (which hobos don't have) pretty much everywhere I went so I wasn't a literal hobo. Due to circumstances beyond my control many times, I moved so much, that I have thrown away or given away more material possessions than I can even remember. Don't get me wrong, because of my multitudinous moves, I am very good at letting go of material things (though I do have to say it took awhile to let go emotionally of my beautiful brand new Camaro in 1989 and my beautiful, custom-built home in 2002.) Some of those, I deeply regret getting rid of. If I think too hard about those items, I get too emotional and forget to let go!
The letting go of physical, material, worldly goods has been pretty easy. The emotional letting go of relationships, friendships I thought were real, even family members who have let me go, the rare stability I have had, - all those situations - have been way harder for me to release.
I found a book called, "The Sedona Method" by Hale Dwoskin. It's all about letting go. He teaches that it's way simpler to do than I could ever have imagined. He says to imagine holding a pencil tight in my hand (or to literally do that) and see how hard it is to let go when my hand is clenched tight around it. Of course, that pencil is not going to be released/let go at all when my fist is wrapped around it, right? Well, what if I just opened my hand, stretched my fingers out and watched that pencil hit the ground? How difficult is that?!
It seems our minds get so wrapped up into a fist around our thoughts that we can't see that the mind acts the same way a hand does - the mind locks onto ideas, images, perceptions, thoughts, fears, insecurities just as tightly as our hand can wrap around a pencil.
What if I had a job with my own income right now? What if I had my own car right now? I have neither of those things. I haven't had my own car since May 2010 and I haven't had my own income since September 2010. There could be a lot of fear wrapped up in those thoughts at my age (I am 51). But I learned a long time ago, as I have said in more than one of my other articles, that F-E-A-R stands for "False Expectations Appearing Real." It's so true! I have been dependent on God and on my precious boyfriend to help me through this time in my life.
It's been one of the hardest times I have had to deal with as far as learning to still have self-respect and to let go of the thought that I have failed. Because I haven't. My life is a result of my choices, therefore, the consequences are mine to deal with. Thank God, He loves me and my boyfriend loves me enough to help me through it all! I have no shame or guilt anymore for the choices I have made in my current past or my distant past. I learned that not letting go is the same thing as carrying extra baggage, extra weight, a ball and chain around on my back everyday of my life and it has benefitted nobody! As I have said before, we cannot always change our circumstance but we can definitely change or perspective about it!
I wish I had learned about letting go a lot earlier in my life. I think my emotional struggle wouldn't have been so rough. I think I wouldn't have made so many choices that have caused me regret in my past. I think I would have been empowered and more determined to make something of myself a lot earlier. I always had the thought of making something of myself but by not letting go of all the stuff in the past, it has hindered me in pursuing that goal sooner. Still, no regret! All the choices I made have been stepping stones on the journey to who I am today and the who I am today is someone I happen to love, admire and respect very much!
I know that all I can do now is to continually strive let go of negativity, of losses I cannot control, of people I can't change, of jobs I can't have back, of actions or words I have done or said that have hurt other people. Letting go, making amends, healing my own heart and forgiving myself most of all, has allowed me to become that person I have always wanted to be. It will allow me to make something even more beneficial out of my life. Like I have said before, it's never too late to live and experience and express my innate greatness! Neither is it to late for you to experience yours!