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How to Let Go of Anger After Someone Has Wronged You

Updated on February 4, 2012

Everyone at some point in time has been wronged by another. Some wrongs are small and others deeply affect the core of our being. We may be wronged directly or indirectly. Sometimes the deepest of wrongs come from those we love and trusted to never hurt us. After we have done everything we can to have the wrong righted and pick up the pieces, some individuals become so lost in the pain of their grief from these deeper wrongs that they lose themselves in depression and give up the possibility of reclaiming their power to move forward in life. Even when we seek healing and attempt to regain control over our lives and free ourselves from the hurt, we start with anger and risk not completing the healing process.

Anger and rage are very powerful. For those who are oppressed, these emotions provide motivation and the energy needed to fight their oppressors. When we face a hardship at the hands of someone we trusted, anger acts as the voice that says, "Wait, this is wrong. I did not deserve this. I deserve better. He/She/They had no right to do this to me." Those words pave the way for real healing. Even in cases that we have not been perfect, knowing where our faults lie in the negative situation and realizing that the actions of the other person were not fitting as reactions to your own can clear away the false blame we previously accepted as ours.

Despite the positive role that anger and rage play when we have been wronged, these emotions can quickly turn negative. We may attempt some form of attack against the one who has wronged us claiming we are justified. We may seek revenge, plotting and acting on negative intentions that will make the wrongdoer regret ever crossing our paths. We may commit crimes against the wrongdoer that far exceed the wrong done to us. Acting on the anger nearly always causes more wrongdoing and is counterproductive to healing.

Once we have allowed ourselves to feel the anger, we have to let it go. Just as disbelief, sorrow, and pain needed to be experienced, anger deserves its time. However, once anger has served its necessary purpose, the grieving process needs to move forward. Anger, however, is addicting. The emotion can protect and empower you and after being hurt, why would you ever want to let go of that control? When an individual holds onto a lingering anger, the best option is to harness it in a productive way.

Actions that allow you to send out the energy raised by the anger are positive. Spell-casting allows an opportunity to send the energy out. Hexing and cursing simply out of anger are not the solution. Those are for preventing a greater harm being done to yourself and others, not causing harm because you are upset. Good spells to release the anger are for justice. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. The wrong that is done is not without consequences to the wrongdoer. However, these "karmic" consequences do not always occur during the current lifetime and, when they do, they may take years or decades to take effect. If you choose to cast a spell to relieve your anger, a good option is to send the energy to the universe to help speed the process of return for the wrongdoer.


For the non-witch, other options are equally suitable. Prayer can be utilized to get your feelings out, whether you are praying to God, the ancestors, or the universe in general. Express your pain and the anger. Ask that the energy of the anger be taken and given to good use. The prayer can be taken a step further into a form of spiritual contract. If you do something positive (ex: treat others with kindness, give to a charity, help others who have been wronged the same way, etc.) the pain and anger will be released.

No matter which of these or other options an individual takes to release the energy from anger, the most important step is making a personal declaration. This declaration may accompany a spell, prayer, or be the positive action of a contract. The declaration will differ based upon the wrongdoing, but involves letting go of the wrongdoer. Whether that wrongdoer was a conman, an ex, a family member, a random stranger, or political or religious leader, you have no need of helping them in any way.

Even when you find forgiveness for the wrongdoer, you have no obligation to lift even so much as a finger for them ever again. Granted, should you come across said individual literally bleeding out or otherwise in some form of danger, it would be inhumane to just walk away. However, should their lives fall apart and they lose everything they have, recognize it as the consequences of the wrongdoing they have done. Even if their circumstances do not appear as equal payment for what was done to you, keep in mind they may have done more wrong to others.

An individual has the choice to help a past wrongdoer or not. He or she is not obligated to help. Likewise, he or she is not weak for choosing to help. The declaration merely states that you will not reach out to the person who has wronged you. You will not lift a finger to help or harm the wrongdoer. You already did whatever you could to help the situation and now release yourself from any responsibility. The wrongdoer has made a choice and he or she will face the consequences without your interference.

Your declaration not only releases you from the situation but also releases the anger. You no longer need to feed the situation with your energy or to involve yourself with the wrongdoer. Should you chose to let the wrongdoer back into your life later is irrelevant. Letting go of the anger requires merely that you step away knowing you have done what you could and now need positive energy to move on with your life. When the pain or anger tries to fade back in, simply remember your declaration and know that the past has no more power over you. Let go and live in the present to make a brighter future.

© 2011 Evylyn Rose


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    • Larry Rankin profile image

      Larry Rankin 2 years ago from Oklahoma

      I have problems with forgiveness, especially forgiving myself.

      Helpful article.

    • JonnySwo profile image

      John Swoboda 4 years ago from Oklahoma

      I've always felt that the key to losing the anger, to getting rid of the anger, is pride. When we can swallow our pride, and forget our personal stakes in the conflict, then the anger simply fades away.

    • Ericdierker profile image

      Eric Dierker 5 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Very interesting. The total destructiveness of anger, is always unleashed on the ones who cannot let go of it. And in my experience anger very rarely has an effect or effect on the one we are angry at.

      Thanks for a great hub.

    • Evylyn Rose profile image

      Evylyn Rose 6 years ago from Colorado, USA

      Exactly! And sometimes the only way to make room for forgiveness is through recognizing we need to just let go of all perceived responsibility toward (or even connections with) the person who has wronged us. :)

    • sassyk73 profile image

      Karen A. Harris 6 years ago from Milwaukee, WI

      I totally agree. It is important to forgive others and to forgive yourself. Thank you for sharing.