ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Letting go...of my dreams

Updated on January 20, 2012

 

       My hand is clenched tight. I don’t want to release it. It won’t pry. My hand is grabbing, grabbing hold of my hopes, my dreams, my aspirations. In front of me is Jesus. He’s standing there, with outstretched arm. Waiting patiently for me to open up my hand and give him my future. I’ve given him one hand, my left one. My right hand is still grasping my  hopes and dreams.

                I cannot grasp the future and cannot control the present. But I think I can and that’s what keeps me gripping.

                Jesus says I cannot follow two masters, but I try anyway. With one hand gripping the hand of Jesus  (for I know I can’t do anything myself) and the other hand grasping my hopes and plans, I try to advance… but I get nowhere. I struggle, teary eyed. I want to advance, but I don’t want to let go. My eyes shift from one hand to the other. Which should I let go. I don’t want to let go of Jesus because I know that I need him, but I don’t want to let my dreams go either.

                Things happen and circumstances change. I realize that what I thought I could hold onto I can’t. Slowly, my dreams, my aspirations are slipping out of my hands. I try to regrip, but there’s only tiny fragments of my dreams left that I can hold onto. I try collecting them and pasting them back together, but I can’t. Circumstances change and I have no control over them.

                I glance again at both hands. “Let it go!” my emotions cry, “you can’t handle this anymore!” I know I should. I know that holding onto these things won’t change my circumstances, but my pride won’t let it go. I want to prove that I had control over something. I wanted something I felt or dreamed of to be true.

My broken dreams have taken control of me instead of me controlling them. They’ve grown as a vine from my hand that grasped them, slowly up my arms making its way around my neck. The tighter I hold on to it the tighter it squeezes my neck. I gasp as my breath begins to escape me. My heart beats faster and faster my eyes dart from left to right.

                I feel a squeeze on my left hand. I look, it’s Jesus. He’s not going to let me go. He holds out his other hand to me, I reach for it. Still holding on to my dreams that have begun to choke me I try grasping His hand. I can’t. My hands are small and I cannot hold two things at once. I let go. At least I still have one hand in His.

                I continue gripping my dreams, and they continue to grip me. Ever so slowly they wrap themselves around my body across my heart, around my legs. Slowly, slowly they creep down my right arm until they reach my right hand. Their thorns pierce into my fingers making it difficult to keep my grip on Jesus.

                I wince and look up into my Savior’s eyes. Will I manage to hold on? The thorns remind of the thorns that pierced His brow on the night He was killed. They go deeper and deeper and begin to drain my blood.

                With watery eyes I look up to Jesus. Is this really worth it? Are these dreams I’m holding onto really worth risking my relationship with Christ. Dreams I have no control over. Dreams that can be changed by circumstances, torn by false hope.

                I begin to realize that my grip on Jesus cannot be tightened until I loosen my grip on my own dreams. Slowly, painfully, I begin to open my grip and let go of the dreams and hopes that have strangled me. It hurts to let go, but when I look in Jesus’ eyes I know that it is worth it. Carefully he begins to unwind the tangled mess and apply ointment on my wounds. I look into his eyes, it’s going to be okay. He will give me better dreams, better hopes, better aspirations.  

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • sherrylou57 profile image

      sherrylou57 

      7 years ago from Riverside

      He wants His will to be done in your life, totally surrender, to him. The unity of the spirit, one mind one accord. God bless

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)