Losing Sight And Going Blind.
There I was, in the pews of the church, lights dimmed low and the clear Christmas lights and Advent candles were the only other light. We were all quiet, preparing for the Lord's Supper! One of my favorite ceremonies, taking of the flesh and blood and remembering the Gift. A deep loving moment. We were going, one family at a time, to the alter for prayer and taking of sacrament. As I was waiting my turn and listening to the soft holiday music in the background, I stared at the tree all lit. My well worn and three times repaired glasses where sitting funny and made the lights look strange. Being wire rims, I thought, if I could just twist this a tad bit, I could fix this lens. Then all the sudden....SNAP! There laid in my hands, my glass in two.
Without them, I am blind. Can not drive, can not see TV nor can I read, except with the page almost touching my nose! I began to let tears weep from the corners of my fuzzy eyes. I have no money to replace this sacred sight. I just got a car back under my feet and a few job applications turned in and recently awarded an apprenticeship for some freelance writing online. How am I going to do these things if I can not see? My world was turning bright then all of the sudden, my world grew dim in ten seconds or less. I was heart broken. I sat in the pew and pondered on rather to walk up for the sacraments or just stay seated and stare at the tree lights that were now big optical balls.
I try not to blame God for my troubles, but rather I take the attitude, that He is feeling both the joy and pain of my life's journey. As I sat there in the darkened pew, I knew Jesus was sitting there too. Feeling crushed, but understanding that the power is there for my reaching, I realized I have choices. Being reminded of the one thing, both my mother and father had always instilled in me, keeps me propelling forward. This is faith in God and His unconditional love and how He supplies me with my most necessary of needs.
In every step of life, there are lessons being taught. This was no exception. When it was my turn for prayer, I allowed God to walk me up there from behind with Jesus leading the way, while the Holy Ghost was stirring inside of me. After I returned to my pew, with no mishaps, I decided to reflect on what it is like to go blind. Not just physically blindness, but spiritual as well.
I managed to hold my glasses up to my face long enough to get home. Lucky for me, all the deer saw me coming down those curving back roads! When I returned home, my husband was frantic over losing his VA file. With an important VA appointment the next day, those papers were vital to him and the success of finally getting his VA Disability, which he so deserves! I failed him, because I could not see to help him search. I felt the helplessness that one without sight must go through when they can not help others with those "extra set of eyes"!
He attempted to repair the glasses, but we had no luck. Even tried J-B Weld, but the broken spot was where the nose bridge meets the lens frame. I was dead in the water! We went to sleep, knowing that my husband would have to drive and, to put it politely, that is a stressful chore for him. Again, I failed. Not being able to drive, when I was needed. But my heart kept saying, remember to keep the faith.
Preparing to go north for the VA appointment, I checked my cash account balance online with the bank. Noticing that my landlady had not cashed my rent check, I humbly called, and shared with her my dilemma. She was getting ready to deposit it that morning, but graciously agreed to hold that check until January, when I will have more funds. This now allows me to have cash for some glasses! Bless her and praise the Creator! There are still good people in this world.
The odd thing about the trip to the VA, was when we got there, my husband's file was missing, so they cancelled his appointment. Normally, when an appointment is cancelled, you do not get travel pay. We are living a very humble life and traveling 150 miles round trip, is not in our budget. However, they paid my husband his travel pay! Also, my husband was extremely irritated and in no mood for this VA interview. Understand, he is a Vietnam Vet, and trips to the VA, brings up memories in which he would like to keep buried. Today was simply not the right day for this appointment and God knew it. He does work mysteriously. Yet, God also knew we needed gas money to get somewhere for my glasses!
Now I See!
My eyes check out wonderful and the eye doctor kept me within my monetary means. I am fitted with contact lens and a pair of cheaters for reading with the contacts. I am now prepared for job interviews, and to continue my work as an inspirational writer. But in the midst of this momentary strife, I discovered that I need to sharpen my focus on the righteous. When I was without the glasses, I heard more, I began to smell more, I began to sense more. I finally started to see that my other senses were dulled. When it comes to the joy of the Creator, all our senses need to be engaged. We need to understand that the feel of softness, is God's creation. The sweet sound of a voice, is God's Creation. The aromatic smells that pleases our nose, is God's creation.
So not only was I being reassured of my faith in the Lord, I also gained a valuable lesson of fully taking in the Glory. With my new contact lenses and the ability to "see" completely, I can now walk into my future with more confidence that Jesus will never let me down. As far has my husband's VA dilemma goes, well, I still have faith God will work that out too! He has my trust! So.... how well do you see these days?