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The Secret Society of Masticators

Updated on October 12, 2012

Not Always As It Seems

Don’t be fooled by their hidden movements and tempting wares! They are everywhere and work at luring you over too their dark and seedy, sometimes nutty and chocolate under-side. Their nefarious and often clandestine efforts will sometimes burn candles into the wee hours of the night, leaving sumptuous and sinful evidence in the fresh early morning light.

I am unclear on why they insist on such secrecy, which seems to add to the mysticism since we are all prone to mastication in our lives and for many this is a quite natural and obviously needed event to a healthy lifestyle and mental state of mind. It often appears as if the very desire to belong to the Secret Society itself is what creates the taboo of mastication, for without it – I feel that there would be no need to bring attention to the act of mastication at all.

Having said all of that, and perhaps being redundant, which in the case of mastication is a positive…I actually think that it can be scientifically proven that if one masticates more often, and more thoroughly, several times a day…that it will contribute to a greater sense of well-being, as well as a leaner physiology, and greater mental clarity. There are many side effects that remain positive to more frequent mastication and far less negatives than many right winged activists groups or die-hard religious fanatics, who are under educated or ignorant of the true facts, may actually have the average public Joe believe.

I felt it was my duty to represent the facts of both sides of this seedy underbelly, with tongue-in-cheek style logic for those of us who are simply wondering…does anybody really understand what they read these days, do they even know the complications of verbage and usage, do they care if they really don’t understand, and what exactly makes them reach for some kind of rationality in today’s society. Can they see the forest is the trees, or is it all a bunch of fire wood waiting to happen?


The views espoused in the before mentioned account may not express the majority of all masticators and has not been validated by a group of peers or approved by the American Drug users Association nor is it supported by Foriegn Policy for Digestive Affairs, however it still rocks and if you have read this far you might do additional research on the terminolgy and enjoy yourself more frequently as a side effect.


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    • MzChaos profile image

      MzChaos 6 years ago from Indianapolis

      Thank you, I enjoy playing with words a bit.

    • emrldphx profile image

      emrldphx 6 years ago from USA

      Haha, great hub! At first I was trying to place this in a scene of Beauty and the Beast, until I realized it was Gaston's expectorating, not masticating, that earned the awe of his fellow townsmen.

    • MzChaos profile image

      MzChaos 6 years ago from Indianapolis

      I am please that I am getting responses from people who can really chew the matter over some. :)

    • PETER LUMETTA profile image

      PETER LUMETTA 6 years ago from KENAI, ALAKSA

      I must confess I masticate daily and overmuch. I lothe myself for it but, I like a locust cannot stop. Thanks for this epiphany, Peter