Monster Energy Drink and the New Religion it Unwittingly Spawned
It's Just a Drink
The Monster Beverage Corporation opened for business in April, 2002. They produce caffeinated drinks, called Monster Energy, which are designed to give energy boosts to its consumers.
The company is noted for its unorthodox marketing plan, which forgoes the use of an ad agency and never produces TV, radio, or billboard ads. They instead funnel their advertising money towards promoting rock bands, motocross and skateboarding events, substantial prize give-a-ways, and more. A small portion of their marketing budget does actually cover a few visual materials such as neon signs, posters, and decals.
Let me make it clear now, that the Monster Beverage Corporation is not responsible for the religion I am going to tell you about in this article. Although it is true that this religion would not exist if it were not for their events and company philosophy, there is no evidence whatsoever that Monster Beverage Corporation is behind it.
Monster Energy is just a popular drink; nothing more.
You Are Already a Member
This new religion is called the Church of the Beast Unleashed or Talmedism*.
One of the more interesting features of this new religion is that during the moment someone becomes aware of Monster Energy Drinks (MEDs), they simultaneously become a member of the Order of the Left Vav, one of three orders in the church. Members of this order are called Olvites.
All Olvites have the following in common:
1. They are aware of MEDs.
2. They do not regularly drink MEDs.
3. They do not attend MED-sponsored events.
By the way, Talmedists have a name for people who are not aware of the existence of MEDs. They are called pagans.
If you do not share the above three things with Olvites, then you are probably an Orvite, which I will cover next.
* Talmedism is a one-letter alteration of Talmudism (the adherence to the teachings of the sacred Talmud). This makes the three central letters "med", which stands for Monster Energy Drink.
The Order of the Right Vav
Some Olvites move onward to become Orvites, or members of the Order of the Right Vav (ORV). Orvites have one or more of the following in common:
1. They regularly drink MEDs.
2. They have clothing, decals, tattoos, and/or other paraphernalia with the MED logo.
3. They have attended one or more MED-sponsored events.
As you can see, the ORV is populated with members that cover a broad spectrum. Some Orvites just drink Monster Energy Beverages. Others support and embrace the products at a higher level, and some enjoy attending the events. It becomes obvious that without these people, the Monster Energy Corporation would fail. It is because of this that Orvites, though not members of the Order of the Central Vav, are considered brothers and sisters in the Church of the Beast Unleashed.
The Order of the Central Vav
Members of the Order of the Central Vav are called Ocvites. These people believe that the Monster Energy Corporation has unwittingly revealed a great truth about the human race. To put it simply, all people are born with an inner beast.
The Church of the Beast Unleashed was formed to teach others how to find and tame their inner beasts in order to live a more exciting and fulfilling life, and, as a result, experience inner peace.
Vavs Shown in Various Fonts
The three claw marks, which make up the "M" of the Monster Energy Drink logo, are vaguely shaped like the sixth letter of the Hebrew alphabet: vav.
Hebrew letters all have numerical values, and vav = 6. Since there are three "vavs" in the logo (666), some people believe that MED is promoting Satanism, and that the slogan "Unleash the Beast" refers to the apocalyptic creature mentioned in the Bible's Book of Revelation.
Ocvites consider this theory to be ridiculous, especially considering that one of the prototype logo designs had similar claw marks, but did not look like vavs. The Founder of the Church of the Beast Unleashed was entertained by these silly, conspiratorial believers, and started calling them Vavites. When the time came to designate the orders of the new church, he went with the Vavites' concept as a way to commemorate them.
If you want to learn more about what Vavites are saying, go to Youtube and search for "Monster Energy Drink 666". You'll find plenty of interesting videos on the subject, but keep in mind that these people are not associated with the Church of the Beast Unleashed. Many Ocvites like to share these videos with each other for laughs.
Talmedism: Core Beliefs
Here is a list of the core beliefs of the members of the Church of the Beast Unleashed:
1. Everyone has an inner beast.
2. The inner beast is a natural and vital part of every person.
3. One's beast should be appreciated, yet feared.
4. One's beast should be unleashed, but in moderation.
5. Unleashing the beast leads to a more exciting and fulfilled life.
One important rule of Talmedism is that it should never replace one's original religion, should he have one. It is a supplemental religion that is meant to coexist with all others. There is no worshiping in the Church of the Beast Unleashed. It is a religion of ideas. It is a way of life.
The Big Risk
How did all this get started? Well, when Monster Energy Corporation decided to forgo the use of an ad agency, and instead spend that money on events that involved high energy, it did so at great risk. Here's a quote from the company web site:
Most companies spend their money on ad agencies, TV commercials, radio spots, and billboards to tell you how good their products are. At Monster we choose none of the above. Instead, we support the scene, our bands, our athletes and our fans. We back athletes so they can make a career out of their passion. We promote concert tours, so our favorite bands can visit your home town. We celebrate with our fans and riders by throwing parties and making the coolest events we can think of a reality.
It was this huge marketing risk that caught the attention of the man who would soon become the Founder of the Church. Even though he recognized just how risky the strategy was, he also saw that it was actually working and he had to find out why.
Monster Energy Drinks were dominating the market. So, he began attending their events to learn more. What kinds of people were participating? What sorts of experiences were they having? Why was this unusual strategy working?
It was during the process of interviewing members of the Monster Army (whom he would eventually call Orvites) that he began to see something truly amazing. Lives were being transformed in a profound and positive way.
Many of the Founder's interviewees talked about how they had learned to "let loose" or "come out of their shells" or "experience a new level of freedom" while participating in the events. Intrigued, he decided to try it himself. That's when the epiphany happened.
A New Life
The Founder, through attending a series of MED-sponsored events, was able to change his own life for the better. But, it only had a small part to do with the drinks. It was mainly through repeatedly subjecting himself to risk-taking in an adrenaline-prone environment. The drinks did help to achieve this, though, by giving an energy boost when needed.*
Monster Energy Corporation was purposely creating environments that made it easy to get adrenaline rushes. In other words, unleashing the beast.
After attending a number of these events, the Founder was more confident, more relaxed, more focused, and in better physical health. He developed a new circle of friends who had experienced similar results, and soon they were meeting outside those events to explore the possibilities of the new-found process. He called these bi-weekly meetings Pump Parties.
It took about three years of these parties to figure out what sort of activities worked best to unleash the beast, but in 2011 he was ready to begin writing the Talmed (pronounced with two syllables); a book that, when finished, will guide others in their journeys to a better life. "I'm writing it in a style indicative of older religions" the Founder explains, "because it wouldn't be very interesting if it read like a textbook."
Over the years, the Founder has been gradually releasing excerpts from the Talmed to give guidance to the Ocvites, who say there will be a great celebration the day the book is finished.
*Any brand of energy drink will help in the process, though Ocvites choose to drink MEDs exclusively as their way of thanking the company that helped transform their lives.
Excerpts From the Talmed
"Since the dawn of the human race, the beast has been a participant in almost every pivotal moment in history."
"The beast is misunderstood by most. She is usually kept chained to a wall in a dark place, rarely visited, and often forgotten. To unleash her, one must first learn to accept that she is necessary--even vital--for an exciting and fulfilled life."
"Unleashing the beast is only the first step in achieving inner peace through a more fulfilled life. Taming her is the ultimate goal, for an untamed beast is quite capable of destroying everything one holds dear."
"Young children know the beast quite well. If you ask them, and listen carefully, they will sometimes tell you all about her. Spend time with the young ones and learn."
"The beasts of children are often more bold and creative than those of adults. They are also usually much less dangerous. This is because they are unleashed daily. Keep your beast leashed for long periods of time, and you'll see just how dangerous she can become."
"Many soldiers of war have seen what the beast can do. Both great acts of heroism and monstrous atrocities can be attributed to her."
"The beast feeds on adrenaline. It is her only source of sustenance. Keep her well-fed. This is the first step in the taming process."
"She must not be restrained for great periods of time, for she will become restless. Let the beast taste freedom."
"Do not let the beast roam free for great lengths of time. Learn her limits."
"The elderly, the infirmed, and the physically handicapped should seek out ways to let their beasts roam freely on occasion. Their quest to tame the beast is more difficult, so offer them your help, should they ask for it."
MED Company Headquarters (Holy Ground)
Monster Energy Company Headquarters
What About You?
The Founder of the Church of the Beast Unleashed has, from the start, decided to keep his identity a secret until he feels the time is right, if ever. The reason? He doesn't want to become a "holy figure" that others might be inclined to revere. As he puts it, "The Church of the Beast Unleashed is not about one person. It is about the individual who wishes to live a better, healthier life."
The story of how he started the Church without revealing his identity is one that I hope to be able to share someday. At the time of this writing, he was not ready to discuss it, but I'm guessing there are a few members who has sworn their secrecy to him.
In order to write this article, I have been interviewing him by way of email (email@example.com). He told me to share his address here, so I assume he will be amenable to receiving letters.
The Founder says the Church will launch a web site in the future. When they do, I will provide the link here.