Mrs. Brenda: Coming Full Circle
From Mrs. Brenda to Breaking the Broken
For many of us on the basic human level we have all had some type of near death experience. Some of us refer to these experiences as the moments that forever changed our way of looking at life and its experiences. For me, my first was being in what seemed to be a meaningless mini-car incident with my Mom as a kid. I remember vaguely her hitting a trash can and it was so miniscule in the grand scheme of things, however, in that moment my spirit as some would say, literally left my body.
What I mean by this is I found myself looking at myself and my Mom in the car as the accident happened. So as my Mom was asking if I was okay, I would reply, "You were in an accident not me!" She would say, "Brittany you were right there beside me." I would still argue the point I was not in the car unable to articulate how I had watched the whole thing happen in a higher consciousness. For those brief moments I was outside of myself watching the incident occur. I was most likely traumatized by the incident and could not handle that danger in my kid mind at that time. Now many other times I would as some would say cheat death, I tend to call the incidents the THANK YOU GOD I"M STILL HERE MOMENTS!!
Some might think of them as wake up calls sent from Above. My car has spun maybe three or four times in traffic, on the interstate, some of the worse places to spin, I remember spinning so hard on the interstate and there was literally an 18 wheeler on the right lane and somehow we spun from the left lane into the median. And this is not funny but I remember my boyfriend at the time having grass in his hair and literally spitting it out his mouth. He was nearly in tears, we could have been killed by a flat tire. I was the one on the passenger side, closer to the truck, watching this all happen, as he wrestled to maintain control of the car.
He later said he did some kind of penny trick to keep the car from completely spinning that he saw on some discovery channel or something. One would think I would have been petrified right? Wrong.. I was laughing, that is kind of a crazy reaction I know. I really can't surmise why I was laughing, maybe it was, because he was freaking out and to keep from crying I was laughing at him so hysterically, picking the grass out his hair and calling his Mommy. I was definitely thinking where is my room to freak out, he is doing enough crying for the both of us.
I just remember thinking, how wonderful a companion to have in a time of crisis. I thought a lot about the truck that could have ended my life, but I let him cry the tears that day. I was alive and that was all that matter. I would have plenty of time to cry my own tears when I spun on Interstate 85 in Atlanta in rush hour traffic and literally spun straight off the exit. I call that encounter divine intervention, because I just knew I was dead that day and I did cry and thank God. My near death experiences so on and trust me there are more experiences my good people, but at this juncture what I feel important to say is been there done that don't really want or have a desire to go back there, lesson learned.
So I find myself one day in SuperMom mode which I think is just on autopilot these days. I am determined more than ever to make sure Maria is afforded every opportunity in life. Currently, I am in production of my first play for profit. As hectic as it is, my little superstar will be introduced to the great public in her onstage debut. Now back to our story, I'm a Mom so I had to shamelessly plug my mini mega star Maria in. In the encounter I mentioned in full blown SuperMom mode I am determined to sell about 100 or so tickets for a costume for her dance recital. One thing I will say to my credit is I have never been afraid to walk up and speak up for a good cause, now in terms of my own needs that's a different story in its self. I will simply say when you are caretaker to others it is very difficult at times to find time to care for self.
However, if you wish to continue to care for others you better care for yourself or someone else will care for them that just might have as much care for them as you. So in the thick of ticket sales I happen upon a beautiful soul Mrs. Brenda and we talked our heads off for over nearly two hours. You ever talk to someone, most likely a total stranger, but it seems as if you have known them all your life. You know you have been talking for way too long because your four year old has literally explored every dimension of kid friendly opportunities in the yard and has become restless. Despite the fact that they have been given toys, they are done, where my daughter was two days past being ready to go.
She enjoyed her compliments, but little mama was over the whole situation. As we shared ideas, beliefs, I was entranced by her story of how she had survived two near death experiences. What stood out to me the most was how well she was handling being here after admittedly not wanting to be here, because of her experience and encounter with God. And to see her go from that to at least I know the peace and love that is awaiting me once I go back, when its time. To see a beautiful elderly experienced mother, grandmother, out in her yard doing things despite her condition and debilitating back issues that were most likely permanent. When I looked in her blue eyes I didn't see a need for pity or sympathy.
As the wind blew in her neat blonde hair, there was an air of calmness about her. I will say what she experienced on a daily basis was very hard, if you know anyone with shingles she has this type of experience several times daily. I felt for her immediately, I recalled a client I had during my chaplain hay day and she came into the Heal Clinic literally crying, sobbing, so horribly. I instinctively found myself at her side asking what was wrong. And in the middle of these gut wrenching screams and cries she managed to utter she had the shingles and it was constant torture and she was in bad need of her medication to sedate her.
Apparently when you have issues with nerve damage the only thing they can do is sedate you. The only issue is Mrs. Brenda's nerve damage was due to her near death experience and the surgery after causing irreversible nerve damage. She was basically being kept in a constant sedated state and for Mrs. Brenda that was no way to live, so she was working on being weaned off the medication. Mrs. Breada is a fighter and a brave soul my good readers, don't know that I would have her type of strength in my real life. What Mrs. Brenda gave me in our exchange was peace. I know you are wondering how can someone else's near death experience give you peace. Well, it was the way her eyes light as and the change in the tone of her voice as she talked and was very detailed in her description of what happened to her once she died on the table.
She said all her pain was gone and she was surrounded by love and peace. This gave me back my peace. I was literally tormented by the look on my mother's face when she died. You see my mother had a heart attack in her sleep. I was literally down the hall in the living room unable to sleep as my mother struggled to live. It bothered me so much because only hours earlier had she told me if something happened to her, she wanted to fight for her life and to give her every possible opportunity to live. With my spirit I am the type of person that tries to honor someone's wishes, because I feel that is there heart speaking.
I listened as she told me only life's regrets, etc. So to be the one to find her in a state and it was apparent in her face to me at the time she had done as she said hours early and probably fought and struggled to her last breath. And to be about 10 to 12 steps away and to see her Mother and my great grandmother come in and to think they were coming for me or my sick Uncle. It never even accorded to me it was my Mom. It was to say the least traumatizing. I had the hardest time getting the image of my Mother's last facial expression from my memory it was burned in almost sired. I made her promises about taking care of my sister as she would have wanted and I have fulfilled those since. She is a freshman at IUPUI in Indianapolis admitted her Fall semester to the Honors program at the Kelley School of Business.
But in that moment with Mrs. Brenda it was so important that I have confirmation that she was ok. I know it sounds weird, I knew in my heart that she was, however, I needed someone who had been through the experience and had come back to tell the tale to tell me she was okay and better off. My heart and my mind had to finally agree. It had been so hard for me to allow them to take her body out the house and leave her at the funeral home alone. She had been my constant for my entire 20 something years. Letting go, I will say to anyone who lost their Mom was the hardest, that final good bye is so final and hard.
To watch them be lowered into the ground and know you will never physically touch, laugh, rest, hug, kiss, or anything with them again is unbearable. I will say this to those who may be experiencing it now, you will learn to live with it, you don't have a choice in the matter, but no one or nothing replaces them and rightfully so. And when it is time for you to smile again you will and in the moment you smile they will be smiling because they will always want the best for you no matter if they are walking beside you physically on Earth or in another Realm. Speaking to Mrs. Brenda brought me back full circle and I finally understood. Yes, she was in pain and yes she did not want to go and leave you and her loved ones behind.
It was unimaginable pain, but she is ok, she is feeling love she could not experience in that Realm. She is experiencing peace, she could get from that Realm. When you know the very heart of a person and the things with which they value and you know in your heart the best for such a pure and sweet soul as that which my mother possessed it is best treasured there. Not many understood her the way I did and still do to this day. I see soooo much of her spirit in my own daughter. And you know what the world needs a little Sherry named Maria. Maria in her own right is a room rocker just like grandma. And its like my mother knew someone in herself she would be gone and she told me one day out of the blue. When I am not with you and Maria is its like I'm still with you, because she is a mini-me.
Truer words have not been spoken. I have carry all my mothers stories and experiences that she instinctively shared with me through our many experiences. I also have the pleasure of watching a spirit just like hers so beautiful, so pure, so honest, so caring, so sensitive grow and thrive and I will say its a sacred experience. She told my daughter she was the little queen in training and when she left throne she would reign. Maria still remembers that and takes the job very serious. I watched her the other day tell my disabled aunt to watch out and be aware of her surrounds in the very same manner my mother would. And a complete stranger remarked how sweet, smart, and beautiful she was.
Maria just looked at us like what's the big deal. She doesn't see her radiance, my prayer is in time it will be revealed to her little by little. And she eventually see what I have known from the time our eyes met in the hospital. As she screamed I knew she was going to be a voice in this world, a bit of a room rocker and what an amazing journey she would embark on. Mrs. Brenda changed my way of seeing my Mom's last moments. I knew she was okay and I could continue and rest easy in that. I just needed to know.
I wasn't present for my Mom's entire journey, but I was privileged to see her in the best light imaginable, as Mom, as teacher, as mentor, as role model, as friend, as confidant, as best friend, and my ride or die. I can't even attempt to give Mrs. Brenda the peace or love that she gave me in that moment, but I am confident that it would not even compare to the place where she will be returning and I hope to get to some day. Hope you enjoyed!