My Pagan Calling
Empowerment as the Divine Feminine
I must point out that all of my experiences are both personal and global. I move in and out of the microcosm and macrocosm.
In 2001, I met the most beautiful soul I have yet to know and we became lovers. I didn't know how powerful he was---though he declared his Adept level of skill nearly from the moment I met him. I didn't believe in any paradigm outside Christianity. But in the end, I would know nothing but his immense ability and knowledge base---his essence and his magick.
He was my twin soul and I thought I would follow him to the ends of the earth. He left me with that overwhelming impression. It was not to be, as hard as that reality has been to accept. We were star-crossed this lifetime. This has been quite heart-wrenching.
He was like a ghost reborn in the flesh---a deeply embedded incarnation that I would share life with throughout eternity. He haunts me still. The thing is, though, that he came into my life very deliberately and I believe magickally. He "imported" me into his world like the forceful tractor beam in Star Wars. I am still confused by all that. Nevertheless, I know it to be true. In actuality, to speak more clearly, he is someone I have incarnated with multiple times and we were always a magickally oriented relationship. We were poets, troubadours, family members, practitioners of the Old Religion and such. I think I initiated into his rite during the 1400's in the Scottish Highlands. He was my father in that lifetime.
I must say my current life has been an interesting dime store novel. I spent 34 years as a Christian. My range of Christianity went from Lutheranism to all sorts of collegiate denominations to Charismatic Fundamentalism to a forlorn believer. I am currently a Syncretic practitioner of One Love. However, in the process of transitioning from Christianity, I spent three and a half years being secretly educated in the mystery schools of magick.
I learned daily about all sorts of magickal infrastructures of the mind, body and spirit. And all the while, I had no idea! My former lover was good about secretly teaching me the Occult and he was an expert at manipulating me and others. Everyday was a new lesson which would serve me in years to come. I would not come into an awareness about this until our relationship ceased and by then I had been thoroughly immersed in magickal training.
The Old Religion is usually framed as witchcraft. I dislike this contextual terminology because I think it distracts from its empowering purpose. Ignorant people draw immediate negative reactions regarding that type of practice and belief system. Furthermore, I also, had an incarnation in the Burning Times where I was torched. I fried at the stake for being a wise-woman and knowledgeable herbalist and healer. So I am sensitive about religious titles. And frankly, my mother had tremendous disdain for witchey topics as well.
I believe the Old Religion gives respect and worship to the Divine Feminine---the Goddess---the Mother called Gaia. I, also, believe the Old Religion is intimately tied to the planet and its cycles and seasons.
In the old times, magick, science, medicine and religion were one. It wasn't until until the politics of the Church became heated and divisive that that components were broken down and defined according to the historical nature we know today.
Christianity is monotheistic. It is highly patriarchal as well. It is a fear-based religion that stems from Judaism. There is a pivotal story about a baby named Moses that is raised in the Egyptian household of the Pharaoh that was in power. Moses was exposed to Egyptian Magick. He was for all intensive purposes an Egyptian citizen. Then Moses as an adult is called by God to rejoin his true people---the Hebrews---and to lead them to spiritual and physical freedom.
This story dictates the division from nations that did not worship the One True Divinity. It is the antagonism that lies between Pagans, Christians, Jews and Muslims in the modern world.
History is filled with evidence of holy wars. And yet, my heart has led me back to my pagan roots time after time throughout my life. To me, there is a rhythm to living. Modern day circumstances disrupt the natural flow of things. The Divine Feminine is routinely disgraced and disheveled. Menstruation is a time where women are supposed to reap the fruits of solitude and solace. It is a profound time to experience one's emotions and body. But this is scarcely honored. Women suffer greatly as a result. The planet feels the ricochet.
I believe the Holy Spirit is feminine. In fact I think, the Virgin Mary truly was Virgin during the conception because the Spirit was feminine in nature. In other words, no male force [whether God or man] created the baby Jesus in her sweet and innocent womb. Rather her impregnation was both Divine and Feminine---the context of the Old Religion would view Mary as Goddess, a woman holy in nature.
The mystery of the Goddess is that She lives in every woman. She gives breath to empowerment and beauty. Mary was the innocent primordial and spiritual Mother to mankind. She brought forth a Son who was fully God and fully man. This whole process is mystical in nature.
I am Syncretic. I believe in One Love. I blend spiritual systems. I practice multiple rituals and sacraments. I am called to artistry, healing and spirituality. Paganism is as real to me as Christ is. I was born to experience womanhood...and without child. I find myself mesmerized by magickal knowledge that swept through my subconscious and made me in love with my life.
Paganism is my most rooted calling. I live to experience it fully and without the residual shame of the Burning Times. It is a religious system that is 100% natural and loving.