- Religion and Philosophy
My life and testimony
My Life and Testimony
I was born to an alcoholic mother and a workaholic father. I was conceived on New Years, to the discouragement of my mother’s doctor. She had trouble having my older two sisters and wasn’t supposed to be able to have a third child. But, being an alcoholic, she was irresponsible and didn’t care about anyone or anything but her liquor. My mother drank hard liquor from the time she got out of bed until she passed out and smoked Pall Mall cigarettes all day long, the whole time she was pregnant with me. I was born a month early and had 85% yellow blood. The doctors had to give me a blood transfusion or I would have died. By the grace of God, I was born normal.
My parents fought frequently and I remember seeing my father hit my mother and she flew across the room in a drunken stupor one evening when she came home drunk. I guess that was pretty frequent. My parents divorced when I was only six years old. The courts wouldn’t allow me to live with my mother because of her drinking, so I had to live with my father. He had been having an affair with a woman who lived down the street, and as soon as the divorce was final, he married her. She had two children – a daughter who was six months older than I, and a son, who was 3 years older than I.
My stepsister was bleached blonde, had tanned skin, beautiful eyes and a perfect body with a large chest. She was always popular at school and everyone loved her. My stepmother hated me and was very jealous of my dad’s love for me and because I looked like my mother. She would never speak to me unless it was to yell at me to do some sort of chore or because she would find a fault with me for something I had said or done. She was the typical ‘Cinderella’ stepmother, complete with the daughter to go with her.
Growing up was hard and I stayed in my room most of the time. I hated my life at home so much that I went to live with an aunt and uncle when I was 12. They already had five children but took me in anyway. While I lived there, my aunt couldn't handle all six children so I had to move back home. We moved almost annually to one state or another because my stepmother always wanted more money and wanted more material things and my father had to get new jobs that paid the kind of money she needed to live on.
Because my father was never around and worked late hours, I turned to boys for affection. I became promiscuous at the age of 15. My older sister demanded that she be given the right to raise me or she would take my father to court. He agreed and I went to live with her a few months later.
Then, later on that same year, I went to live with a friend and her family that I had known since I was eight. My sister was only 23 when she took me in and had 3 small children of her own. It was too hard on her to take care of me also. Shortly after I went to live with these people, we got a phone call saying that my father had been found wandering around the car lot (he was a car salesman) not knowing where he was. They assumed he had a stroke, but found out he had two brain tumors and was slipping into a coma. They did emergency surgery to release the fluid on his brain and told us to fly there immediately. My two sisters and I did just that on Friday evening, and by Sunday evening there was no brain activity and they took the machines off of him and he died at a young age of 52. Even though I didn’t live with him, I had always been a ‘daddy’s girl’ and it tore my world apart when he passed away.
I continued to live with these people until my senior year and then went to live with my grandmother in Oklahoma. I had been dating a boy while I lived with them and after I left to live in Oklahoma, I found out that he had gotten four girls pregnant and was in a serious relationship with one specific girl. I was so despondent that I decided to end my life for good. At midnight, at the age of 17, I took a brand new bottle of nerve pills and a brand new bottle of sleeping pills, which belonged to my grandmother. At 8 a.m. the next morning, they found me unconscious. They called an ambulance and on the way to the hospital, the machine ‘flatlined’ 3 times and I was listed DOA. The doctors tried to pump my stomach but to no avail because the pills had already gone through my system 8 hours before. They told my grandmother to call the relatives and start making funeral arrangements. However, God had another plan for me. Three days later I woke up and miraculously stayed alive. My hospital stay was only for a week and I stayed home from school for two weeks. I did make it to graduation and somehow achieved the journalism award that year to everyone’s surprise.
After high school I met and married a man way too young. We had been dating a year but were too different and the marriage didn’t last two years. During that time, my mother finally passed away from liver damage, also at the age of 52, from all the drinking she consumed during her lifetime. I had never been close to her. All my life, I had to spend the weekends with her. The only time she was ever sober was in the mornings for about an hour. That was the only time I knew what a real mother was like. I would beg her as a little girl, to stop drinking, so that I could come and live with her. I would tell her all the stories about my horrible stepmother and how she treated me. I would tell her about my stepsister and how she made fun of me being fat and ugly and weird to all of her friends at school. My mother’s only comment was that she could never stop drinking and she would drink until the day she died, which she did. So when she passed away I didn’t really feel like I lost a mother because I never really knew that I had one.
About five years later I met my second husband. I only knew him three weeks and married him for the sole purpose of having children. I was 26 and felt that my biological clock was ticking and I needed to start having them before I was too old to do so. From the time we got married until I left him five years later he committed adultery behind my back with many women. I even talked to a stripper that he had been seeing while I was pregnant with a set of twin daughters. I had already had a son, who was three at the time, and the stress of his infidelity, along with the death of my grandmother, caused me to go into labor early. I lost one of the little baby girls at birth, but the other one lived. The one that lived had a hole in her heart and she couldn’t tolerate any baby formula and they thought that she wasn’t going to make it.
But God somehow miraculously intervened and she did make it, but I left her father when she was only a month old and came back home to Texas to live. We had lived in Nebraska at the time. I spent the next five years raising my two children alone. I had no parents to depend on and I lived on a secretaries’ salary along with the help of food stamps for groceries and help from my older sister. My ex- husband wouldn’t give me child support until I went to the Attorney General’s office and filed for it. Those years were the hardest of my life. My baby girl was colicky and screamed constantly for the first six months of our lives together. My son was always crying and missing his father. I couldn’t hold down a job due to the stress of everything at once. My bills on my credit cards were so high, I eventually had to file for bankruptcy. Life was literally hell for the next five years.
During that time, I think God must have felt sorry for me. He knew how much I needed a good man that would love me for who I was and love the kids as his own. I weighed 250 pounds by this time and I never thought anyone could love me with two children, but God knew differently. He must have decided that I had suffered enough in my life, and brought the perfect man that would be my ‘Prince Charming’ and rescue me from my horrible life.
He came just at the time I needed him most. He admits he had never dated anyone overweight before, but my love for God is what attracted him to me. On our third date, we had rented “Jurassic Park’ and my four year old daughter was scared and ran to her room to hide from the movie. He went into her room and proceeded to read a book to her instead of watching the movie with my son and I. Within two weeks of dating, my 8 year old son had hit his head on a truck and cut it very deep. Instead of leaving and letting me go to the hospital on my own, he put all of us in his old beat up car and took us to the hospital for treatment. They had to sew up my son’s head and charged me over $100 for the bill, of which this man promptly paid without question because he knew I didn’t have the money to pay it.
By the time two months of dating had gone by, he knew in his heart that I was the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. On Christmas Eve in 1994 he asked me to marry him as we were opening presents. We were married the next year and ever since then, happiness is all I’ve ever known. He has been a real father to my children and has loved them as his very own. He has a daughter that is a week younger than mine and having her in our lives is like having the daughter I lost at birth. God even saw to replace the daughter I lost by bringing me another one to take her place!
Over the last sixteen years, I have never had to work. And before I married this man, I had worked from the time I was fifteen until the day I married him. And from the day I married this man, he’s worked hard to sacrifice everything for me and the kids. He sacrifices everything for us and I couldn’t have dreamed of a better husband! My children are ‘his’ children and he will do whatever it takes to provide for us and make us happy. After sixteen years of marriage, he moved us into our 'dream home' and it is truly a 'castle'. I feel like a real life 'Cinderella'!
My life is a living testimony that when God becomes the center of your heart and love Him more than anything or anyone else in life, He will make sure all your dreams DO come true! Trust Him and His love for you as His child and rest in His lap. He won't disappoint you and you will be at peace....