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Church of Ned Flanders A New Religion

Updated on October 8, 2014

Saint Ned

The Church of Ned Flanders Welcomes You

 

Are you tired of the same boring sermons every Sunday in your church?

Would you like church to be more upbeat?

Do you leave church depressed rather than uplifted, as you should?

Do you think that there is more to life and to the afterlife that your church is offering?

Are you thinking of converting to a new religion?

If the answer is yes to any of the questions above then maybe it is time that you made that change.

Join the Church of Flanders today Diddley! bring the joy of God back into your heart.

Flanders to God!

Everybody Loves Ned Flanders

The Man Behind the New Religion

The son of Beatnick Parents who refused to discipline him, Nedward Flanders was a wild child, until his parents decided phsyciatric help was needed to calm the young ruffian, Dr Foster the phsyciatrist sent him to the University of Minnesota Spankalogical Protocol, which involved eight months of continuous spanking.

As a result of this treatment Ned became the man he is today, unable to express anger of any kind and babbling jibberish when he gets flustered.

He is a highly religious man who would do anything to help anyone who needs it.

Flanders is a widower, having been married to the equally religious Maude. They had two children together; the sheltered and naïve Rod and Todd

Ned is usually honest and sincere in carrying out the Christian doctrines of charity, kindness and compassion. He is frequently shown doing volunteer work, and is rigorously honest and upright, even going so far as to spend an entire day tracking down a Leftorium customer in order to give him the extra change that he had forgotten to hand over.

Praise Land

The Church of Flanders

Or the C.O.F as it is Better known is a church set up to celebrate Neds Religion, The man who is often seen talking to God on Television, and being answered by the Almighty.

He is a true desciple of God and he has many followers.

In 2001 and 2002, The Greenbelt Festival, a British Christian music and arts festival, held a special Ned Flanders Night.

The 2001 event featured a look-alike contest, as well as the tribute band "Ned Zeppelin". It was held in a 500 seat venue that was filled to capacity, and an extra 1500 people were turned away at the door.

Join the C.O.F Today and insure your afterlife now.

In Ned We Trust

© 2008 James Paterson

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    • profile image

      jemma 2 years ago

      ha ha this made me laugh

    • Woody Marx profile image

      Woody Marx 9 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      thanks diddly do neighboor! good fun.

    • jimmythejock profile image
      Author

      James Paterson 9 years ago from Scotland

      lol DJ, thanks for your comments,diddley.....jimmy

    • DJ Funktual profile image

      DJ Funktual 9 years ago from One Nation Under a Groove

      What is diddley is going on with this thread. Did I kill it with homoerotic innuendo?

      If so sorry...I read it all the time.

    • DJ Funktual profile image

      DJ Funktual 9 years ago from One Nation Under a Groove

      Now this is a great freakin HUB!

      Lighten Up! indeed. Getting angry at Ned Flanders lovers doesn't usually help you find enlightenment either.

      Ned's wife Maude's character was killed off after the actress playing her demanded a raise and then suddenly quit after a decade on the show.

      Ned operates The Leftorium which specializes in selling goods made specifically for Southpaws.

      His sons Rod and Todd are on the fast track to "Sweatin to the Oldies"

    • sdorrian profile image

      sdorrian 9 years ago from Chicago

      Hilarious! Thanks for the laugh, Jimmy.

      Sandy Dorrian

    • jimmythejock profile image
      Author

      James Paterson 9 years ago from Scotland

      Thanks Guys, It was fun to write lol.....jimmy

    • stephhicks68 profile image

      Stephanie Hicks 9 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      Hilarious! Thanks for a great big belly laugh, Jimmy! :-)

    • G-Ma Johnson profile image

      Merle Ann Johnson 9 years ago from NW in the land of the Free

      what a sense of humor you have. tell me how? Thanks for the smiles it brought. and HAPPY EASTER G-Ma :o) hugs

    • recoveringredneck profile image

      Tonia L. Clark 9 years ago from Idaho

      Good humor Jimmy, I agree we all need to "lighten up". Some of us take ourselves WAY too seriously. Some days I'm guilty of that. Did they REALLY hold a Ned Flanders night or are you just messing with us gullable Americans? Either way it was funny.

    • RFox profile image

      RFox 9 years ago

      I am renouncing my faith and joining the Church Of Ned Flanders. All hail Ned! ;)

    • jimmythejock profile image
      Author

      James Paterson 9 years ago from Scotland

      Lighten up Debra, it's a bit of fun.....jimmy

    • debrakcarey profile image

      debrakcarey 9 years ago from West Plains, Missouri

      It's what comes of being brainwashed...of not thinking for your self. Of being a sheep....that follows ANY shepherd. We all have minds, we all are capable of finding the truth. Ned is one who gave up the search. Making fun of the search for truth....just makes the search that much harder for those who ARE seeking God.

    • Bonnie Ramsey profile image

      Bonnie Ramsey 9 years ago from United States

      LOL, this is hilarious! Good job, Jimmy!

      Bonnie

    • Patty Inglish, MS profile image

      Patty Inglish 9 years ago from North America

      Hilarious!

      In northwest Ohio, there was a "Christian Amusement Park" in the 1990s, based on the Bible. I never went, but I think it's kaput. Too goofy for me.

      Funny Hub!

    • Stacie Naczelnik profile image

      Stacie Naczelnik 9 years ago from Seattle

      Nice! This one is going to carry me through the day.