- Religion and Philosophy
Parenting in Islam
A noteworthy story about parenting
There was once a very intelligent boy. He was the only son of his parents. His parents loved him immensely and sent him to top school and university. They provided him everything that could lead him to have a successful life in this world. They did all their very best for his bright future and career. This boy turned out to be according to their expectations and he was not only good in studies but also in other activities. In his life so far he was awarded various awards for his achievements in different fields. Then finally, one day he graduated with highest marks and also started receiving good job offers from various multinational companies.
But Allah had some other plans for him. Unfortunately, one day while travelling he met with an accident. It was a very severe one. He was rushed to the hospital but it was too late. He had already lost lot of blood. The doctors had given up on him and told his parents that he has got very few hours left of his survival. Here was a boy who was at the peek of material success in this world but little did he know that his death was just around the corner
The boy regained conscious for a while and asked his parents to bring him all his certificates and awards he won in his lifetime. His parents did as they were asked to. He asked them,
“Will these certificates and awards be of any help to me after I die? What will I answer Allah when he asks me about Salah and about obeying him when I was alive and healthy? I wish you had taught me about my deen too.”
They were tears in his eyes and of his parents too. And he breathed his last.
The moral of this story is that along with spending much of our time preparing our children for the life before death, we should also devote time preparing for the everlasting life after death.
Importance of parenting in Islam
To have fear, concern and worry for our children is an important requirement of Islam. Children have been mentioned in Quran many times and every time they were mentioned, their mention came with parents. Islam lays much emphasis on the parents responsibility to teach their children about Islam and guide them to become a good person so that they can contribute to make this world a better place to live in.
Proper teaching always comes from parents not from any imam or video or books. Children see and hear everything their parents do and follow them. Therefore, it is the parents responsibility to be careful in whatever they do in their daily lives. For example, if parents discuss only about films and other families or bills then this is what they will have in their minds and this is how they will grow, but if they talk to them about Quran, Islam and Allah then they will learn this from them and become better Muslims.
Lately, the concept of raising children has changed drastically in every house and family. Parents tend to teach children wrong meaning of success. Career has become money. They put this in children’s mind that if he or she does not become a doctor or engineer and earn enough money, they are failures. To teach children “what success is?” parents themselves have to understand the real meaning of success. They should strive to make them understand that real success is being a good person and practicing Muslim and not acquiring worldly pleasures.
Prophets had trouble with children and there is no guarantee that we will not have any trouble. Some children can be easy and some children will be a test. We need to go with both. All children are treated in same way by parents but there is no guarantee that both children will be the same. Our biggest job as parents is to teach them Islam.
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Tips on how to guide our children to be better Muslims
Converse With Your Children
Spend time with children. Communicate with them and answer their questions. Usually father’s leave for work and when they are back home children are asleep. Weekends are spent in partying or other household work. Often there is no time for children. Without communication no relation remains between parents and children. This is the reason why most children leave home when they grow. All prophets used to talk to their children without abusing or yelling at them.
Avoid Hypocrisy with your kids. If you tell your kids to pray five times a day and not to smoke, then you should also pray five times a day and should not smoke yourself. Children follow parents and tend to do whatever parents do. If parents are kind and helpful to others they will be the same. Always put on a good front before them so that your good deeds become their habit. Always be consistent yourself. Your words and your actions ought to match.
Recite Quran with children.
Spend at least 30 minutes reciting Quran and listening to translation. Discuss Quran so much that children can believe and say that my parents love Quran. Make Quran central purpose of your life. Show Allah the love for his book. You will see that by Allah’s blessing all problems will disappear. Establish Quran so much in your lives that this world will become paradise.
Tell stories from quran.
Read or tell Islamic stories which have morals. Ask them question and answer them according to Quran. Tell them Allah says this about this etc. etc., Hearing stories with lessons and morals will increase their good habits. Tell them stories of our pious predecessors, children like to listen to stories very much.
Teach them Salah
Pray Salah in front of them, recite Quran, take them to the Masjid with you, and when they are a little older, teach them the five Kalimat, important Surahs, Duas and Salah.
Name of Allah
When the child is able to speak a little, teach him or her the name of Allah. Instead of playing the music to put children to sleep, mothers can put them to sleep by chanting Allah Allah or Allah hu Allah hu.
Nowadays children tend to misbehave and disrespect elders because they no longer have fear. Freedom is given to children more than required. Being affectionate to your child is one thing but to let them free to do anything is not affection rather it is hurting the child. Parents need to set and discuss rules and discipline with the children and punish them if required for not following the rules.
Children ask for Play station, PC phone because other friends have it. Make them understand pros and cons of these gadgets. Explain them the rules and consequences ahead of time. Do not let them become victims of media. It is from media that the child gains much of his or her ill-behaviour.
Alim or Alimah or Hafiz or Hafiza
If Allah wills, make at least one of your children Alim or Alimah (scholars) or Hafiz or Hafiza (One who learns Quran by heart). A Hafiz will get three generations forgiven and Alim will get seven generations forgiven (on the Day of Judgement).
Teach them simplicity
Teach your children simplicity and do not expose them to materialism. Teach them the value of doing their own work. Send them to college, make them judges, make them doctors or make them follow any successful and halal career in this world but at the same time also make them such that they take on these professions as honest Muslims who know their religion.
Do not argue or Curse
Never, never argue in front of your children. If you have a disagreement, discuss it when the kids are asleep, or when they're not around. Because this puts a lot of stress on the child and causes them to think that they are the cause of the argument. Also Do not contradict each other in front of the children as this can lead to argument and do not curse your children as this may result in self-destruction.
Some ayaats from Quran:
Allah (Subhanahu Ta’ala) tells us of the advise that Luqman Hakeem gave to his son, “Behold, Luqman said To his son by way of instruction:
“O my son! Join not others with Allah; association with Allah is indeed the highest wrong-doing.”
“O my son! If there be (but) the weight of a mustard-seed and it were (hidden) in a rock or (anywhere) in the heavens or on earth, Allah will bring it forth; for Allah knows the finest mysteries, (and) is well-acquainted (with them).”
“O my son! Establish regular prayer, enjoin what is Just, and forbid what is wrong; and bear with patient constancy whatever befalls thee; these are affairs of determination.”
“And swell not thy check (for pride) at men, nor walk in insolence through the earth; For Allah loveth not Any arrogant boaster.”
“And be moderate in thy pace, and lower they voice; for the harshest of sounds without doubt is the braying of an ass.”