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Personally Speaking--Part 4

Updated on January 22, 2011

Stretching is comfortable. Ripping is pain--in a single moment my life had been ripped from my hands by the enemy. After eight years of marriage my wife informed she was leaving, taking our four children with her. I thought everything was perfect, but I was perfectly wrong. Again, the self-fulfilling prophecy rang true. I was born for rejection, but to be rejected by the one I loved and gave myself to was almost more that I could bear.

Even through the hurt, I was able this time to keep my eyes focused on my God. Through tears I would cry out to Him. Maybe He too, would abandon me. I tried to be composed on the outside, but on the inside I was emotionally bleeding to death. The house seemed so quiet--and it was. Now I was wondering who I really was again. What was I really about? I clung to God, but I still didn't know the answer and I continued to bleed. Days turned into weeks into months. Loneliness and despair at times overtook me. I struggled to concentrate at work. Still, by God's grace I managed to hang on to Him.

It was a Thursday night. I was out with several others from our church witnessing in the streets of Philadelphia. It was early autumn and the days were growing shorter. The crisp air let me know that colder days were coming--a foreshadow of not only a change of seasons, but of my life. Through all the darkness around me--the darkness of the night, the darkness of the evil, the darkness of my life, God sent one of the brightest rays of light into my life.

I was watching a couple of the men across the street as they were talking with a young man about the Lord. Not expecting it, but that still, small voice spoke. "Bill, this is who you are. This is what you're about. Continue to serve me. I'll take care of the rest. Just trust me. Your purpose in life is to glorify me. So do it! Just follow Me."

I take the qualifications for church leadership seriously and literally. According to II Timothy 3:2, 4, 5 I no longer held the qualifications for ministry, but God could still use me. God can do anything He wants, anytime He wants, with anybody He wants. My dream was to plant churches and to pastor. God's dream for my life was something different. I had to come to the point of accepting God's will and making it my own will. I believe that is what took place that night, at least to some degree. I was willing to fulfill my God-given purpose, and it centered around Him, not me.

The days were still lonely and cold, but I could feel God's everlasting arms wrapped around me to protect me from the force of the storm. I looked forward to visits from my children every other week, but when it was time for them to leave, the bleeding would start all over again. Still, the God of all comfort was with me. I couldn't have made it any other way.

There were too many memories in Philadelphia. I planned to move to Central Pennsylvania. After nearly ten years of working at the same place, I gave notice that I'd be leaving in two weeks. Working as a machinist in a worldly atmosphere was never easy, but now it was coming to an end, and I realized just how much I cared about my co-workers. I had witnessed to them over the years, but they really didn't want to hear it. Still, I was sad to leave them behind. In many ways, we were like a family. But the day had to come.

I packed up the U-Haul and made the 200 mile trip to Pleasant Gap, PA, less than five miles from the town where I grew up. I always loved the mountains and it felt good to be "back home" again. The change of scenery was nice, but after a while it became routine. Life went on, and the bleeding continued. It was necessary that I find a church where I could serve God and have Christian fellowship. That was not so easy.

Part 5 is on the way.


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    • lifegate profile imageAUTHOR

      William Kovacic 

      7 years ago from Pleasant Gap, PA

      Cristina,

      He has never left or forsaken me and I know e will do that for anybody. He alone gives and sustains of life. Thanks for stopping by!

    • cristina327 profile image

      Maria Cristina Aquino Santander 

      7 years ago from Manila

      Surely throughout the ordeals and pains of life, the Lord will continue to sustain us and will never leave us nor forsake us. Thank you for bringing out this into the light through this hub.Remain blessed always. Best regards.

    • lifegate profile imageAUTHOR

      William Kovacic 

      7 years ago from Pleasant Gap, PA

      TM,

      Thanks for the visit. If I was strong it was because God wouldn't let go. Bumps and curves--yes, that's life!

    • profile image

      tinamarie9884 

      7 years ago

      I believe we have winding roads with alot of bumps and curves ( that is what I call it ), and it is very painful. The Power of GOD is like no other, I am glad to read you were staying strong. Blessings to you for just putting it into hubs and sharing your story.

    • creativeone59 profile image

      benny Faye Douglass 

      7 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona

      Thank you LG, for a good read, I'm waiting for # 5. Godspeed. creativeone59

    • lifegate profile imageAUTHOR

      William Kovacic 

      7 years ago from Pleasant Gap, PA

      Thank you all.

    • A M Werner profile image

      Allen Werner 

      7 years ago from West Allis

      Your humble sharing is truly an inspiration to us all. Peace

    • Tamarajo profile image

      Tamarajo 

      7 years ago

      How precious to have kept your faith through that trial

    • Michael Adams1959 profile image

      Isaiah Michael 

      7 years ago from Wherever God leads us.

      I was watching a couple of the men across the street as they were talking with a young man about the Lord. Not expecting it, but that still, small voice spoke. "Bill, this is who you are. This is what you're about. Continue to serve me. I'll take care of the rest. Just trust me. Your purpose in life is to glorify me. So do it! Just follow Me." Starting from Bill this is who you are I could put my name there. Been there done that, amazing hub and testimony.

    • The Minstrel profile image

      The Minstrel 

      7 years ago from Hawaii

      Lifegate

      Thank you for sharing. I agree. You should write a book. It ministered to my heart.

    • Debradoo profile image

      Debradoo 

      7 years ago from Cocoa, Florida

      Wow. I have not always left a comment but I have read each entry of your story, Lifegate. This should be a book. Have you considered writing a book on your memoirs? I honestly believe it would sell. Just my two cents.

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