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"Proof" of a Creator

Updated on October 18, 2018

Why I am not an atheist & why atheist confuse me

I grew up in the south, and was sent to Sunday School by my grandmother every Sunday when I was a kid. I was with my grandmother quite a bit because my Dad and Mom lived a nomadic life since he was a construction worker and had to follow the jobs, moving every year or so. I went to 14 schools in the 10 years I went until I was told at 15, "Mark, you aren't old enough to quit, but if you don't show up, we won't say anything." This was 1973, and I partied too much, even for that time. So I left home and went to work. It was hard work, because I had no education, but that matters only because of the lifestyle I was living. The Lifestyle matters for this narrative just to point out I was never a real "believer." If pressed, I would say something like, "Yeah, I believe in God, but I don't think he pays attention to us too much," or something like that. Belief was sort of expected, faith wasn't.

Anyway, I joined the Navy, dabbled in crime, got married, had kids, put myself through school in the Navy, got commissioned, left the Navy, got divorced, kept my kids and lost everything else. In trying to get another woman to love me, I was weak enough to get into crack cocaine because she was, and I thought I could go there with her and convince her to come back with me. I was an idiot. It wasn't her fault what I did, I was just an idiot.

I had to find someone else to take care of my sons after we had been 'just us' for 7 years or so, then I went to New Orleans so I could get away and try to get work on boats, running back to the ocean, because the ocean was always where I felt safe and strong. I convinced myself that land didn't agree with me, and if I got back to sea I would be okay. I did get back on sea going tugs, and would stay out for months at a time, while every other crewman would come back every few weeks to see their family and have a life. But when I was out I could convince myself I was okay, because you aren't buying dope in the middle of the ocean.

But then my sons came to stay in New Orleans, too, so they could be with me. By now they were 18 and 19. So I rented an apartment and we all moved in. I would come back after a couple of months, have checks stacked up from my time out, pay all the bills up, fill up the accounts that kept things going when I was gone, and in a week I would smoke up $5,000 or more. I always thought I was over it until I hit port and had that money. Then I would go back out for a couple of more months and start over.

My sons moved on after awhile, but I kept the apartment. It was good to have a place to go back to between trips and take a break. One night, I had about $600 of hard white on the table, a new stem, a few new lighters, and plenty of chore boy. I took a $20 blast, and after my ears quit ringing, I sat back and looked at my life and what it had become. Like I said before, I was never more than a casual believer that simply paid lip service to God so people would'nt judge me for a lack of belief, too. But I looked at my life, and I began to pray, "God if you are there, please end this. If the best I am going to do in this life, after putting myself through college, earning a mustang commission, raising my sons so they still love me, and everything else that has been in my life, is be a crack head alone, hiding in a city away from home, please let me die, now. I can't do this anymore."

In an instant, I knew God was in that room. He was as real as the chair I am sitting in now. What I felt wasn't fear, but it was an overwhelming hope and love. I wasn't high at all, anymore, and I stood up, threw $580 worth of hard white away, tossed my stem off the balcony into the woods, and trashed all the chore boy. Then I went to bed, and slept. You would have to know rock to know how crazy being able to sleep was after a blast not even an hour before. Over the next few weeks, I still would get the craves, but I would repeat the Pledge of Allegiance, the Lord's Prayer, or anything else I could remember over and over in my head until the craving would pass. I knew I could do it. I had hope.

Eventually I came back home, and now I work in a prison with drug addicts and convicted criminals. I still don't go to church, but I don't wonder at all about the existence of God, or if he cares. I tell my clients my story, sometimes, and when I do, I tell them I got two gifts that night in New Orleans. I was able to put my addiction behind me, and I was made aware that God was there, and that He does care about us as individuals, even if we don't go to church, or let slip a few dirty words every then and now. I go on to tell them that if I had to give back one of the gifts I received that night, I would be an addict with the knowledge of God and the feeling of security that gives me, because that was the greater of the two gifts.

What confuses me about some atheist is the animosity they feel towards a God that they claim isn't real. I don't believe in unicorns, fairies, magic crystals, or astrology, but I don't feel a need to insult, attack, and ridicule those that do. People are cool if you let them be. Why would you chose to create an enemy?

I can't read the mind of a man, so I certainly can't read the mind of God. He may be perfectly fine with waiting to see all the atheist after they pass, and just laugh, laugh, laugh, at the joke on them as lets them inside. It is not my place to say He won't. I do KNOW He is more loving than anyone on this earth can imagine, cares more than anyone here could begin too, and makes me feel good about the rest of my eternity without having to be someone other than who I am. So lighten up, folks. Let the argument resolve itself when the time comes. It doesn't mean we can't enjoy our life, now.

I felt compelled to write this because I read some comments in a forum on the subject, and the people were getting really nasty to each other. I have seen and lived a life that was really nasty, sometimes. If the things you read or that other people say can make you feel that way, stop reading it, or just accept it.

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    • UsurpALLevil profile image

      UsurpALLevil 

      8 years ago from Usurping Evil everywhere

      Mark, I can only agree with your sentiment and the value of your words. They are good words. I don't think that god would be the type to laugh at those that wanted to but were unable to perceive. I do not know if Jehovah is actually god's name. The Elohim may have been a race, maybe it's where Aloha, and hello come from. Maybe.

      It's obvious that we live with some of the cruelest and most antagonizing people imaginable. But they have been trained, and they have been conditioned by the system to be this way. Not everyone has been taught to engage themselves with worthwhile activities, for knowledge, entertainment, pleasure. And Not quite everyone has been taught to bite, but they're working on it, by putting all sorts of types of people together. What people need to do is learn how to recondition ourselves with actual vision.

      With an attempt to awaken new vistas within ourselves and make beneficial or better holistic changes in the world around us.

      As far as many are concerned, the British Monarchy owes the whole world free electricity and has since the 1800's thanks to a little gift from Nicola Tesla.

      I want my free energy, but Lord Byron didn't think to pass on that gift. They haven't thought to give anything back at all, really.

      I'm not disputing the likelyhood of God in the least, nor am I disputing his name, for it is still not clear enough to me to pin my life on the answers that I have. I would love to have true unbridled faith, but until someone that I'm fairly certain I haven't met in the flesh shows up and shows me the plans for his perfect kingdom, we as people are going to need some kind of protection from the human monsters that he left here to play with us, don't you agree? Because I'm pretty sure god doesn't like to be tested.

      Who of us will be smart enough to recognize Jesus? I wonder how I will.

      I don't know what to do, other than what Jesus would have done. Protect the sheep, they're all sheep after all.

    • kenneth avery profile image

      Kenneth Avery 

      8 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Right on, Mark! I agree with you, man, 100%! Great hub about THE GREATEST. Not Ali, but Jehovah! Voted up and away. Keep it up, my friend. I will be in your corner to always have your back.

      Kenneth

    • tammyswallow profile image

      Tammy 

      8 years ago from North Carolina

      Hi Mark,

      I love your open mindedness. You have a lot of courage and strength. Kudos for you turning your life around!

    • Mark Pitts profile imageAUTHOR

      Mark Pitts 

      8 years ago from United States

      It was fun speaking with you. If there is anythiing else you want to say, just drop a line. I'll keep an eye out for more from you.

    • ib radmasters profile image

      ib radmasters 

      8 years ago from Southern California

      Mark

      God is not great, and I believe your faith in God didn't cure you. I believe you did it all by yourself, but you used God as a crutch.

      How can you look at the world today and say things are getting better. Just take a look at how the US has changed for the worst.

      Not too long ago, last century people left their houses unlocked, windows opened, keys in their cars and they weren't afraid to walk in the dark. You had a lot of freedom when you were taking an airplane trip, you didn't have to worry about someone hijacking the plane.

      Then as the last century grew older, we had hijackings, street crimes and murders were on the rise. We had more serial killers, and crimes against children and girls.

      We have had child molesters increase in numbers, and some of the molesters were priests.

      Disease is on the rise and even with technological and drug advances we are losing the battle.

      Acts of God are on the increase and millions of lives are devastated.

      What is so great about a God that created this world.

      The muslims are picking up where they left off from the Crusades. So now religion and following their God, which is basically your God results in death and destruction.

      Last century it was the Catholics versus the Protestants in Ireland, and Europe.

      If you are going to follow a book, I submit that the details and stories in it should have some importance to you. Otherwise you might as well follow the Aesop Fables.

      If being a follower of God means that you cannot question him, then we could have been created with the intelligence of a dog.

      Intelligence and especially higher intelligence requires the questioning of everything. Blind faith is not intelligence it is an act of subservience.

      A God that refuses to appear to his subjects is like the little man behind the curtain in the Wizard of Oz.

      my opinion.

      I won't be offering anymore opinions to you.

      So rejoice

    • profile image

      love 

      8 years ago

      thanks for sharing your story, God is truely great

    • Mark Pitts profile imageAUTHOR

      Mark Pitts 

      8 years ago from United States

      I don't know if or why God created angels, or if both God and angels are part of the same sort of being, or how many 1/3 of them would be. Those questions don't matter to me. The answers to those questions have no effect on my own state. It is also obvious that no one alive knows what the nature of an afterlife is, or the structure of relationships once there, or that all you do then is sing hymns and pray. If that is all there is, I don't think I'll fit in with my new friends so well, but I'll find out (I believe). The security and comfort I feel from my faith tells me that I don't need definate answers to an eternal tomorrow to know that I'll be okay, that I won't be bored, and that I'll be "there," where ever the hell "there" is. It's an on-going adventure.

      I believe AD was different than BC, because until there was a BC, there was no known mechanism for us to forgive each other or ourselves. The role model of the Messiah that make that concept exist other than eye for an eye is amazing to us all, anyway, even if you are "Christian."

      Also, the brutality that was/is life not only AD, but up until today, has diminished. This is evidenced by places where people can live by a rule of law, the biggest sword doesn't decide the fate of all present, poor people eat, and I can't buy someone elses children to cut my grass or to give me pleasure. All of those are things that were almost universal conditions anywhere in the world if you go back far enough, but while such conditions still can be found in varying degrees, are not any longer the universal norm.

      Things are changing, and are getting better. We just can't be so arrogant as to judge the evolution of society, norms, mores, and morals on a timescale dictated by our personal lifespan or attention span.

    • ib radmasters profile image

      ib radmasters 

      8 years ago from Southern California

      Mark

      How many is exactly one third of the angels. It could be one, two, three??

      You really didn't answer the questions that I posed.

      This free will really doesn't work. I don't believe that the biblical God gave free will. He gave Adam and Eve a warning, and people today as back then don't follow the bible as much as they follow their primitive survival instincts. Why was it necessary for God to create humans, if he already failed with Angels. Humans are certainly more of a disappointment for God, and they like your children may someday turn on you. The biblical stories just don't make any sense, so everyone that follows them give God the benefit of the doubt. What is the purpose of creating billions of people to save only a few. Billions of people are already dead, and billions more will die before the biblical prediction of the end. Nothing that we do today or tomorrow will change what the dead believed in or did in their life. So God won't be able to judge them any better tomorrow than he could today. God should have realized that when Cain killed Abel that his creations were defective. Nothing since Cain has redeemed humans.

      Be honest there is little to no information in the bibles about the angels, what they are, how were they created, why they and God are all males. How old are the Angels, are they older or younger than God, What was Jesus doing during the Old Testament story, as well as the Holy Spirit. And many other questions.

      Here is something to think about.

      I believe it is Norton's Theorem that is used to analyze electrical circuits as a black box. That is you don't know what the actual circuit is but you know what it does outside the box.

      Using this approach with God, we see a very disturbed world that has never corrected itself. Humans have not changed for the better in recorded history. There is no real change in BC and none in AD. So we can consider the event that changed BC to AD as not affecting the box.

      Another thinking point. If there is an after life, there is no indication that it will be a continuation of your current life, or life as it exists now.

      You won't be guaranteed that you will have any family or friends there. Even according to the bible, where God lives wasn't enticing enough for a third of the Angels to leave. They were there, at least in the story. We are not and yet we are led to believe that we will be happy there to praise God.

      What are you and a billion or more other souls going to do for eternity?

      There is also a big difference between creation and a creator. We have brains and intelligence yet praising a God requires us to forget our intelligence and behave like an obedient dog. At least the dog sees their master in three dimensions. And the dog is not that intelligent.

      You mentioned that thinking was good, I hope that I have provided some food for thought.

    • Mark Pitts profile imageAUTHOR

      Mark Pitts 

      8 years ago from United States

      A third of the angels revolted because of jealousy. Humans were given something the angels weren't allowed to have--free will. God does not want obedient dogs, we really are special. I'll let my children have much greater difficulties and bounce much harder than I will my dogs. My kids have to be able to grow and join me in the adult world. My dogs will always be my dogs. Be willing to think and to accept things my be different than you thought yourself, too. Neither of us knows everything. I like to think because it makes me articulate a thought into words. If you can't do that, you are mindless.

    • lisadpreston profile image

      lisadpreston 

      8 years ago from Columbus, Ohio

      Thank you for sharing your story. I have a similar one myself, which I wrote about. I hope you are well and your honesty shows bravery. A wonderful hub that I can certainly relate to.

    • dadibobs profile image

      dadibobs 

      8 years ago from Manchester, England

      If you felt that God visited you, then stand by that. Your own life experiences are your own, no one else can say your wrong.

      It does'nt matter how you broke your addiction, just rejoice in the fact that you did!

      It really makes me happy when i hear of somebody triumphing over addiction, you mastered something, your own life!

      Well done, and keep up the great work :)

    • ib radmasters profile image

      ib radmasters 

      8 years ago from Southern California

      Mark

      Here is something to think about.

      I believe it is Norton's Theorem that is used to analyze electrical circuits as a black box. That is you don't know what the actual circuit is but you know what it does outside the box.

      Using this approach with God, we see a very disturbed world that has never corrected itself. Humans have not changed for the better in recorded history. There is no real change in BC and none in AD. So we can consider the event that changed BC to AD as not affecting the box.

      Another thinking point. If there is an after life, there is no indication that it will be a continuation of your current life, or life as it exists now.

      You won't be guaranteed that you will have any family or friends there. Even according to the bible, where God lives wasn't enticing enough for a third of the Angels to leave. They were there, at least in the story. We are not and yet we are led to believe that we will be happy there to praise God.

      What are you and a billion or more other souls going to do for eternity?

      There is also a big difference between creation and a creator. We have brains and intelligence yet praising a God requires us to forget our intelligence and behave like an obedient dog. At least the dog sees their master in three dimensions. And the dog is not that intelligent.

      You mentioned that thinking was good, I hope that I have provided some food for thought.

      Thanks.

    • Mark Pitts profile imageAUTHOR

      Mark Pitts 

      8 years ago from United States

      "Unfair" is a subjective term. If there IS a Creator, the criteria used in making His decisions would be His, and may possibly be incomprehensible to us, since we are bound by limits in time and comprehension. If there is an eternity to exist in after death, then maybe the "blink of an eye" period of suffering during even a long human lifetime, becomes much more inconsequential. Again, I would be willing to loose the past 15 years of progress, and return to a rather mean existence, if I could return and still have the awareness of His existence and His caring that I have had since that night. But you are right, my proof was personal because I was the only one there. It is no proof for another. But for what it is worth, I think God knows that, and doesn't hold doubt against someone, no matter what some more traditional "religious" folks might say. God is far above such petty judgements. I personally believe He mainly wants us to not hurt each other, and to try and help each other. The Golden Rule is a common thread in all faiths.

    • ib radmasters profile image

      ib radmasters 

      8 years ago from Southern California

      Mark

      My point is that it seems very unfair to select you at the expense of millions who are more needs and even pray for his help without getting it.

      The chances are better that there are ETs out there instead of a creator God. There have been more claims of ET in the last hundred years than there have been from God. My point is that neither of these claims can be verified without real proof.

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 

      8 years ago from England

      Hi, Fascinating story, I am glad you turned your life around, thanks for sharing! nell

    • Mark Pitts profile imageAUTHOR

      Mark Pitts 

      8 years ago from United States

      I don't. He gave it anyway. I'm not special. He will do that for anyone. I can't rad the mind of God, remember? Ask Him why He does what He does. I just accept it.

    • ib radmasters profile image

      ib radmasters 

      8 years ago from Southern California

      Why do you think you deserve that time compared to billions of others, many of which have gotten worse and some even died or got sicker.

      ???

    • Mark Pitts profile imageAUTHOR

      Mark Pitts 

      8 years ago from United States

      That is kinda the point, I didn't take His time for me, He gave me something I did not ask for. But then again, I have got to believe your comment was somewhat tounge in cheek. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment n my piece.

    • ib radmasters profile image

      ib radmasters 

      8 years ago from Southern California

      You may have cornered the God market, as he appears to be unavailable to billions of people.

      You should be ashamed of yourself for taking time for you at the expense of billions of others.

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