Relationship - Be still and Know
Why we Flirt with New Ideas
A relationship ebbs and flows envision a river with calm pools, rushing rapids, and rock formations. The best view may be from the side, where, in the stillness, one can prepare their course. Success depends on continuing in a progressive motion, reaching the next level of maturity in the relationship, an attainable goal with practice.
The first step in any relational experience, whether a new friendship or task, is flirtation. Flirting is “To behave as though trying to attract without serious intention.” The states of I want, toying with the answer.
Everyone does it; they detect novelty flirting with confusion and interest and, for example, considering a new diet plan, hobby, educational enhancement, or a person. We dance around our first flirts while understanding we expect them.
Little-ones attend daycare with bashful poses as they warm up to being in a group and making new friends. The anxious teen enters high school knowing they will be among the nervous flirtation of an awkward mating ritual in the hallways? Kids try to take a position in the hierarchy of cool versus, well, not so cool. A weakened older person walks into a gym, shocking the fit millennial, believing they are only flirting with fitness for themselves. How do we detect the flirt from serious? Who decides that? That “elderly folk” may have been an Olympic athlete! They worked to perfect a relationship with their body and fitness, knowing they should continue even in weakness.
The progress from flirt to a relationship can advance with an action. In the flirtation phase, we entertain ideas. Imagine a puppy whose ears perk, ready to dive into the next exploration. Here is an example; someone walks into a bookstore with the goal of a new hobby. They have no set plan, just seeking a hobby, desiring a new skill. Yet, they stop and question themselves. Are they too deficient to try - they wonder, is this skill for someone better- will I fail—or could I?
Doubt is the active destroyer of movement. It sends bombs to deter you, and those bombs create a minefield to navigate. Often we give up before even allowing ourselves to learn or grow.
How long does one stay in the safety net of non-committal flirtation? No energy to change, or are we quiet in our committing, and others assume.
Is it Really Like Riding a Bike
Relationship, while we seek it, what does it mean?
We define a Relationship as “How two or more concepts, objects or people connect. The state of connecting.”
- Are you in a Relationship? This is how a relationship should be? - Why are you so alone?
- Dating, are you? -Why is that important to everyone else?
- Sibling rivalry is real - You will never figure one another out?
- Marriage, good, indifferent - Well, now I guess we need to analyze something wrong?
- Oh, and God! - Is He for me not against me? Is He there?
Why do we listen to the world? Why do we allow the doubt to overtake joy? These questions confuse and are the breeding ground for hopeless abandon. The onslaught of attacks hitting our brain separates us from the truth. A relationship is not as difficult as we make it! Still, the inconsistency of connection within a relationship seeks to separate. It appears as the continuity makes sense people get lazy. Forgetting to appreciate the seasons it takes to make it to a comfortable point.
A newer Relationship is easy, as the new connection excites you full of curiosity. A wish to seek knowledge about someone, something, and it can be a symbiotic start. While understanding fear is a demon partner in the initial breakthrough to a fresh adventure. We know fear is relative to the energy we give to it.
For example, consider learning to ride a bike. First, you want to do what everyone else is doing. Second, the approach, and, at last, take off and ride. The manual machine flows as the pedals propel you forward. Yes, it takes some trial and error, but practical application wins.
After you achieve the balance in your center, you feel the wind refresh your spirit. A prideful feeling meets you in the air's crispness. The reward comes as you settle into the rhythmic stride. Then you come upon the first steep hill. The inconsistency of the terrain separates you from the euphoria of riding. We need to change to perform this quest. Prepare to engage in the effort.
The difficulty in choosing to engage in a new venture is inviting that attack of separation. This makes you vulnerable. To stop in the effort to move to the next quest is a real complication. Push through, and you can conquer that hill.
Hopelessness is Creeping into the Core
Brokenness in Communication
Communication in relational experience is critical. Seeking to understand better that which you are relating to allows for continuity.
Let’s look at continuity-
“The unbroken and consistent existence or operation of something.”
Society puts great importance on the practice and training of the unlicensed driver. At the tender age of sixteen or earlier, goals are in place to permit a driver. Hours of study and book learning ensue, then completion of a written test. They are rating your knowledge. Actual hours behind the wheel with a licensed driver occurs after passing. We set the young driver for their learning experience.
While we emphasize preparation for driving a car and investigating the news to hear about the latest crisis, what about life skills? How to be the right person, parent, Christian? Where is the prep for these life choices? They all have the potential to run rampant and cause collateral damage.
The world says go free, live as you want, do what feels right at the moment. Live, as you will! Who needs a God focus? Hmm, let’s see how that works out? The Opioid crisis is at an all-time high! People are dying as dealers lace the drugs with a killer substance, Fentanyl. And who knows what else! One time use could be your only attempt at this skill set! Or kill group, depending on how you look at it.
Hopelessness is turning to homelessness with answers far from reach! Rats in tent cities from overcrowding with poor sanitation. How are we using our wealth of skill sets to address change there?
People are parenting while pulling their hair out because of over-scheduling, long work hours with little to show for it, and this is depleting their energy. The constant lures of technological devices distracting send the users into a void. People are not communicating because of these distractions. Looking into someone’s eyes is diverting too uncomfortable, as we don’t do it!
The devices bombard, and social media limits one-on-one conversation. People confuse reality, trying to keep up with what everyone thinks! They struggle to discern the fake representation of the imaginary perfect household!
Separations from the things that keep a relationship healthy and connected fray. The skills to maintain growth in awareness have significant limits. Time constraints and lack of prioritization are problematic. Tools that allow growth and positive movement become extinct.
People guard their truth and shut down, regardless of the possibility that we are playing into the hands of complacency. Belief runs rampant that constructive criticism is the work of the enemy. Since the predominant focus is negative, it is easier to assume everyone has a plan for pain or self-preservation.
Come on, people, move to the positive, working toward creating possibilities? We can achieve something better than our necessary knee-jerk reactions. These are the real snakes in the symptom, and many, stop doing the work of relationship.
I am who He says I am!
The fact is that relationship to something takes time! It requires continuity, life learning without fear of rejection while we figure things out, or the prison of becoming stagnant in desperation. Very few are comfortable with any means of confrontation or any simulation to the word, NO!
We regress to a childlike stance of no-one cares, no one gets me, and no one will! But God, people, what about God!
God is parental, eager to hold us, ready to allow us to see His never-ending, unfailing love. If you know Him, then you understand that there is a peace that comes with the breath of Him by saying His name.
I get it; the world wants to drown out the very thought of Him. The platforms of separation are all around us: beliefs, government, gossip, and brokenness. When something negatively takes control, it separates us from the truth.
Focus on the most important relationship with Jesus. I assure you prayer changes everything. Even when we get the NO, it is bearable if we are trusting God.
We cannot see with His eyes if we are not looking at His truth and love. Truth is not where the pain and separation originate. Negative thoughts make us believe that God does not have a perfect plan. And these thoughts seek to stagnate growth.
God’s plan is not that of your friends. Nor the method of your enemies! His goal is forming in the stillness of your heart where He meets with you and speaks to you, drawing you closer to Him.
If it sounds like I, too, am trying to convince myself of these truths, well, I am! I am human, and as much as I know Jesus and feel His breath in my lungs, I too need the occasional reminder of “I am who He says I am.”
Suppose we need to study driving manuals, policies and procedures, political agendas, the latest and greatest fads, faults, and others' flaws. Along with the lies we tell ourselves. Then why do we not see how vital studying and learning about the one who changes everything? Jesus!
It’s personal! I assure you; it is the most intimate relationship you will ever experience. Though you may not believe it, it is all you need.
I hope we can still know He is God. I don’t want to miss one word He speaks, quiet my heart, I’m listening because His words are life to me!
© 2019 Kathy Henderson