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Relationship - Be still and Know

Updated on September 4, 2019
The Stages Of ME profile image

Our Stages are unique, Kathy enjoys sharing her latest thoughts and stages through the Hub pages and looks forward to learning about yours.

Why we Flirt with New Ideas

A relationship ebbs and flows envision a river with calm pools, rushing rapids, and rock formations. The best view may be from the embankment, where, in the stillness, one can prepare their course. Success depends on the ability to continue in a progressive motion, reaching the next level of maturity in the relationship, an attainable goal with practice.

The first step in any relational experience, whether a new friendship or task is flirtation. Flirting is, “To behave as though trying to attract without serious intention.” The states of I want, toying with the answer.

Everyone does it; they detect novelty flirting with confusion and interest. For example, considering a new diet plan, hobby, educational enhancement, or a person. We dance around our first flirts while understanding we expect them.

Little ones attend daycare with bashful poses as they warm up to being in a group and making new friends. The anxious teen enters high school knowing they will be among the nervous flirtation of an awkward mating ritual in the hallways? Kids try to take a position in the hierarchy of cool versus, well, not so cool. A weakened elderly person walks into a gym, shocking the fit millennial, believing they are only flirting with fitness for themselves. How do we detect the flirt from serious, who decides that? That “elderly folk” may have been an Olympic athlete! They worked to perfect a relationship with their body and fitness knowing they should continue even in weakness.

The progress from flirt to a relationship can advance with an action. In the flirtation phase, we entertain ideas. Imagine a puppy whose ears peaking ready to dive into the next exploration. Here is an example; someone walks into a bookstore, with the goal of a new hobby. No set plans, just a hobby, desiring a new skill. Yet, they stop and question themselves. Are they too deficient to try - this skill is for someone better than me- I will fail—or could I?

Doubt is the active destroyer of movement. It sends bombs to deter you, and those bombs create a minefield to navigate. Often we give up before even allowing ourselves to learn or grow.

How long does one stay in the safety net of non-committal flirtation? No energy to change or are we quiet in our committing and others assume.

Is it Really Like Riding a Bike

Relationship, while we seek it, what does it mean?

We define a Relationship as, “How two or more concepts, objects or people connect. The state of connecting.”

  • Are you in a Relationship? This is how a relationship should be? (Why are you so alone?)
  • Dating, are you? (Why is that important to everyone else?)
  • Sibling rivalry is real, (You will never figure one another out?)
  • Marriage, good, indifferent (Well, now I guess we need to analyze is there something wrong?)
  • Oh and God! (Is He for me not against me? Is He there?)

Why do we listen to the world? Why do we allow the doubt to overtake the joy? These questions confuse and are the breeding ground for hopeless abandon. The onslaught of attacks hitting our brain separates us from the truth. A relationship is not as difficult as we make it! Still, the inconsistency of connection within a relationship seeks to separate. It appears as the continuity makes sense people get lazy. Forgetting to appreciate the seasons it takes to make it to a comfortable point.

A newer Relationship is easy, as the new connection excites full of curiosity. A wish to seek knowledge about someone, something, and it can be a symbiotic start. While understanding fear is a demon partner in the initial breakthrough to a fresh adventure. We know fear is relative to the energy we give to it.

For example, consider learning to ride a bike. First, you want to do what everyone else is doing, second, the approach, and, at last, takeoff and ride. The manual machine flows as the pedals propel you forward. Yes, it takes some trial and error, but practical application wins.

After you achieve the balance in your center, you feel the wind refresh your spirit. A prideful feeling meets you in the air's crispness. The reward comes as you settle into the rhythmic stride. Then you come upon the first steep hill. The inconsistency of the terrain separates you from the euphoria of riding. We need to change to perform this quest. Prepare to engage in the effort.

The difficulty in choosing to engage in a new venture is inviting that attack of separation. This makes you vulnerable. To stop in the effort to move to the next quest is a real complication. Push through, you can conquer that hill.



Hopelessness is Creeping into the Core

Brokenness in Communication

Communication in relational experience is key. Seeking to better understand that which you are relating to allows for continuity.

Let’s look at continuity-

“The unbroken and consistent existence or operation of something.”

Society puts great importance on the practice and training of the unlicensed driver. At the tender age of sixteen or earlier, goals are in place to permit a driver. Hours of study and book learning ensue, then completion of a written test. Rating your knowledge base for the act of driving. The actual hours behind the wheel with a licensed driver occurs after passing. We set the young driver for their learning experience.

While we put the utmost importance of preparation for the skill set of driving a car, and investigating the news to hear about the latest crisis, what about life skills? How to be a good person, parent, Christian? Where is the prep for these important life choices? They all have the potential to run rampant and cause collateral damage.

The world says go free, live, as you want, do what feels good at the moment. Live, as you will! Who needs a God focus? Hmm, let’s see how that works out? The Opioid crisis is at an all-time high! The saddest part is finding first-time users dead. Drug dealers are lacing the drugs with a killer substance Fentanyl and who knows what else! One time use could be your only attempt at this skill set! Or kill set depending on how you look at it.

Hopelessness is turning to homelessness with answers far from reach! Rats in tent cities from overcrowding with poor sanitation. How are we using our wealth of skill sets to address change there?

People are parenting while pulling their hair out because of over-scheduling, long work hours with little to show for it, and this is depleting their energy. The constant lures of technological devices distracting send the users into a void. People are not communicating because of these distractions. Looking into someone’s eyes is diverting to uncomfortable, as we don’t do it!

The devices bombard, and social media limits actual one-on-one conversation. People confuse reality trying to keep up with what everyone thinks! They struggle to discern the fake representation of the imaginary perfect household!

Separations from the things that keep a relationship strong and connected fray. The skills to maintain growth in awareness have significant limits. Time constraints and lack of prioritization are problematic. Tools that allow growth and positive movement become extinct.

People guard their truth, and shut down, regardless of the possibility that we are playing into the hands of complacency. Belief runs rampant that constructive criticism is the work of the enemy. Since the predominant focus is on the negative. It is easier to assume everyone has an agenda for pain or self-preservation.

Come on people, move to the positive of working toward creating possibilities? We can achieve something better than our basic knee-jerk reactions. These are the real snakes in the symptom, and many stop doing the work of relationship.

I am who He says I am!

The fact is that relationship to something takes time! It requires continuity, life learning without fear of rejection while we figure things out, or the prison of becoming stagnant in desperation. Very few find comfort with any means of confrontation, or any simulation to the word, NO!

We regress to a childlike stance of no-one cares, no one gets me, and no one will! But God, people, what about God!

God gets you, and me, He knows us! Our Father is smiling as we tantrum. Like a Dad eager to hold us and ready to allow us to see His never-ending unfailing love. If you know Him, then you understand that by saying His name there is a peace that comes with the breath of Him.

I get it; the world wants to drown out the very thought of Him. The platforms of separation are all around us. Beliefs, government, he said, she said, gossip, lies, brokenness. What better way to separate from His absolute truth and love than taking control of our thoughts!

Focus on the most important relationship with Jesus. I assure you prayer changes everything, even when we get the NO, it is bearable if we are trusting God.

We cannot see with His eyes if we are not looking with His truth and love. Truth is not where the pain and separation originates. Negative thoughts make us believe that God does not have a perfect plan. And these thoughts seek to stagnate growth.

God’s plan is not that of your friends. Nor the plan of your enemies! His plan is forming in the stillness of your heart where He meets with you and speaks to you drawing you closer to Him.

If it sounds like I too am trying to convince myself of these truths, well I am! I am human, and as much as I know Jesus and feel His breath in my lungs, I too need the occasional reminder of “I am who He says I am.”

If we need to study driving manuals, policies and procedures, political agendas, the latest and greatest fads, faults, and flaws of others. Along with the lies, we tell ourselves. Then why do we not see how important studying and learning about the one who changes everything? Jesus!

It’s personal! I assure you; it is the most personal relationship you will ever experience. Though you may not believe, it is all you need.

I hope we can still know He is God. I don’t want to miss one word He speaks, quiet my heart, I’m listening because His words are life to me!

© 2019 Kathy Henderson

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    • The Stages Of ME profile imageAUTHOR

      Kathy Henderson 

      5 months ago from Pa

      Jan,

      Thank you for taking the time to read this article, and comment so thoughtfully. Also, thank you for your sweet words of encouragement. I am quite sure God has assigned you a mission as well. I am pleased to see you seeking Him. God is so good and His love never fails.

    • profile image

      Jan Abelovsky 

      5 months ago

      I read what u wrote. Much truth in those words, an power if we choose to access it. I admit much of it is total logic yet in this time of fear an hate, it’s very easy to lose our way. We all need inspiration an uplifting. I guess I need to sign up. God clearly has assigned a mission for u an I have no doubt he will keep u around to do just that.

    • The Stages Of ME profile imageAUTHOR

      Kathy Henderson 

      5 months ago from Pa

      Eric,

      You are very kind, thank you for your encouraging comment. It made me smile, I appreciate it very much. God is good all the time.

    • Ericdierker profile image

      Eric Dierker 

      5 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Wonderful. Do not have trepidation in your publishing. Just think that this hard core critic likes it.

      My favorite thing other than playing with my boy and writing is to be still.

      Your viewpoint is well received in my home,

    • The Stages Of ME profile imageAUTHOR

      Kathy Henderson 

      6 months ago from Pa

      Thank you for the encouragement, John,

      I have been on the struggle bus with my writing. Just getting the thoughts down and working out the kinks for the writing as I go.

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 

      6 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Lots of truths, wise advice and food for thought here Kathy. Thank you for sharing.

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