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Ryanisms 2.0

Updated on November 25, 2012
My love for you was bulletproof, but you're the one who shot me.
My love for you was bulletproof, but you're the one who shot me.

25 MORE Random Ryanisms.

So. I decided to stockpile some of the things I say constantly, or rules that I live by. If you don't know me, you probably won't be as entertained, but for those of you who do, here are some things you can chuckle about after I die/get abducted by Aliens/Russians.

26. Let your work speak for you, and then people will speak for your work.

27. Never bring a guest to a party when you are already only the guest of someone else who was invited.

28. If you go out of your way to put other people down, it's only because you can't pull yourself up. It isn't their reflection in the mirror that you find so disgusting.

29. Have low expectations for everyone else and do as much as you can. You will always be content, and never disappointed.

30. Instead of Intelligence, we should measure Wisdom. They aren't the same.

31. Youth and Wisdom rarely go hand in hand. You have to live it before you learn it.

32. Nobody wants to hear your opinion about what just happened on a TV show, stop ruining it for everyone else who can't watch it yet.

33. Don't trust a guy in a bow tie.

34. To truly succeed in life, you need to be book and street smart. Knowledge is only powerful when used properly.

35. Personally, I don't plan on telling my children about Santa. I'm going to be honest and explain that I love them, and I purchased the gifts for them myself.

36. If pulled over, be courteous. You don't like that you got caught or the fine you might pay, but if someone sticks up the liquor store when you're buying treats for a party, I know who you're gonna call, and its not the Ghostbusters.

37. Slow and Steady does not win the race. That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Lets get on a race track. You go 35 the whole time and follow street rules, and I'll go just fast enough to win. The hare didn't lose because the turtle was slow, he lost because he didn't finish.

38. Being spiteful isn't sexy. You like hearing yourself talk to talk, you don't really care who is listening.

39. If it becomes a point of remembering the last night you "didn't" drink, you're doing life wrong.

40. If you go to someones house, say their wives names right, It's Christinith.

41. Stop acting like things used to be awesome. You remember the good or the bad. Never the balance. "The 90's were awesome" Oh yeah? Okay, give me your cell phone, internet, big screen TVs, direct TV, eco-efficient cars, and rights and you can go play N64.

42. If presented with a 4th and inches and you choose to go for it, anything other than a QB sneak is blasphemy.

43. Your football team is bad if you consider buying the kicker's jersey.

44. If you go to Hibachi's, order water, you will wait too long for food and the soda fills you up. Don't waste such an amazing delicacy.

45. It's never too late to start liking something, just don't pretend you've been a fan longer than you have. People are proud of the consistency of their devotion and it's disrespectful when you make a mockery of it.

46. Violence is acceptable if you don't get green bean casserole on thanksgiving.

47.If you can't grow a mustache in a couple of weeks, don't try to grow a mustache period. Your face will always look dirty. That goes for you too, ladies.

48. Don't complain about what others have to offer if you, yourself, have nothing to offer others.

49. Be goofy, save the serious stuff for when you have to be miserable.

50. Never be friends with anyone who likes Jar Jar Binks.

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      annie gelderman 4 years ago

      Re #40: only go to friends' houses who have one wife each. Then his/her wife's name is Christinith. (it's an plural/possessive/apostrophe thing)