Sex is awkward... But shouldn't be.
This is going to be awkward...
Let's Be Real: One of Satan's favorite weapons is awkwardness...
I bet you've never heard that one before. Possibly because there's no specific book, chapter, or verse that says, "Thou shalt not make sex awkward in thine abode." But it is absolutely true. Awkwardness branches from fear. Whether it is the fear of rejection, the fear of being mocked, or the fear of confusion, we allow this awkwardness to paralyze us from action. You may not have thought about it this way, but Satan actually uses this as a tool to damage and manipulate the lives of all people, especially the youth in the church.
I'm Just gonna say it.
Sex and puberty, vaginas and boobs, butts and penises, sperm and eggs.
All of these words and everything in between have become completely taboo in the church.We refuse to even hear about them. They're disgusting and dirty in our minds. Why? Because, Satan wants us to view these words and this topic as offensive and repulsive (when, in reality, they aren't). In our communities, he brought us here so that we refuse to address the real issues that are plaguing the people in our churches.
"Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous."
Sex is NOT Awkward!
Sex should be no more awkward to talk about to our kids and peers than music. We talk about this all the time!
Music is awesome and powerful! We use music to get closer to the heart of God and understand His love for us at the same time. Music is a beautiful thing. However, it can be misused and mistreated. A wise theologian by the name of Trip Lee once said when referring to Christian Hip Hop, "We're all sinners. Put anything in the hands of sinners and they'll find some way to distort that." Music has been distorted and perverted to where it causes disgusting behavior, terrible characteristics, and unbreakable addictions. God gave us music to enjoy and to experience and to worship him with.
Now, swap 'music' out for 'sex'. It should sound the same. But it doesn't.
Sex is awesome and powerful! We use sex to get closer to the heart of God and understand His love for us at the same time. Sex is a beautiful thing. However, it can be misused and mistreated. A wise theologian by the name of Trip Lee once said when referring to Christian Hip Hop, "We're all sinners. Put anything in the hands of sinners and they'll find some way to distort that." Sex has been distorted and perverted to where it causes disgusting behavior, terrible characteristics, and unbreakable addictions. God gave us sex to enjoy and to experience and to worship him with.
Notice what I did there? What was harder to read?
I believe one of the main reasons why we view sex as an awkward thing is based on the fact that we view it as immoral and ungodly. Living in a hyper-sexualized culture, Christians have come to treat all sex as sinful. We need to remember one thing, GOD MADE SEX! And it was GOOD! Sex is an amazing thing. It's a sign of love, a sign of commitment, and a sign of godliness.
This Awkwardness Leads to Adultery
When we neglect to address sex and teach it to our young people, we think we're helping them from thinking sexually, but we have to remember: they're still going to learn all of this information somewhere. When your awkwardness paralyzes you from action, your kids are going to go to one of two places to learn about sex: their peers or the internet. From peers, they will learn that sex is a natural part of life and that it is natural and necessary to be expressed however you want to express it (i.e. porn, girlfriends, friends w/ benefits). This is obviously not true! On the other hand, the internet will give your kids accurate biological information and maybe some good theological information. But, along with that, the Internet will most definitely introduce them to the world of pornography. Christians, parents, church leaders, need to be the ones to talk about this topic. But most importantly, when we do it, we must do it without making it feel awkward.
When we address sex in an awkward manner, we train ourselves and our kids that it's something we should never bring up or address. Now, obviously, you would probably prefer that, but remember that nobody likes awkward situations, especially youth. If the topic of sex is awkward in your home or church, don't expect anyone to turn to you for guidance and help when they're struggling with lust, porn, or puberty. Out of an avoidance of that awkward situation happening, they'll just keep this topic to themselves and they'll be eaten alive by secret sin. Not only that, but many people would rather look up what certain terms mean that ask someone else.
But, it goes even further. When we treat sex as an unapproachable topic, we teach sex as a sinful experience. Almost as if God didn't create it, but Satan did. There have been so many men and women who have brought themselves to the conclusion that all sex, even biblical sex, is wrong. Or, at least it feels wrong. This has brought newlyweds into such shame and despair to where they wish that they didn't even have sex. This can pull people from the church and damage marriages. All because we treat sex as a dirty experience.
Where did you learn the most about sex?
Talk about sex! Now, I'm not saying go ask random strangers about their sex lives. Im not saying we should make sex an everyday dinner discussion. Im saying that, when you educate your kids, walk them through the process of puberty, help them understand, they will trust you with this topic.
Be open about it. When we hide our questions and concerns, we don't allow ourselves a chance to grow, or even speak into the lives of the people around us. Maybe you can start small. Talk to a close friend. Tell them that you're trying to un-awkwify sex in your life for the benefits of your kids, future kids, or friends. Don't make it a constant topic, but don't make it awkward.
Another really good tool in this is the book of Song of Solomon. If you really don't feel like Christians should talk about sex, then you should start a petition to remove this book from the Bible. This books shows the love, the godly love, between a young man and a young bride. Yes, he compares her breast to fawns, but it shows the true beauty of what marriage leads to.
Along with Song of Solomon, there are countless scripture verses that pertain to sexual behavior, both godly and ungodly. Make an effort to study these. Understand the biblical perspective of sex.
Finally, teach on the topic of sexual immorality. Anything outside of heterosexual, monogamous sex within marriage is immoral. It all leads to regret, pain, heartbreak, and more awkwardness. It may feel right, but it will damage relationships. However, sex in the right context is a beautiful thing. Sex is a gift from God. But like every other gift, sinners manipulate it. Many Christians today are actually practicing sexual atheists. They follow god and believe in him, but their sex lives are lived as if God didn't exist. We need to educate our people on sex and on the dangers of its sinful counterpart. Along with this, we need to realize the difference between natural sexual desires and lust (Yes there is a difference).
Praise sex that is in the right context. God-honoring sex is a beautiful thing and until we realize that, our kids and the world will think that we despise all sex completely. When our kids think that, they won't ever ever ever talk to us about it.
What do you think?
Why is sex awkward to talk about?
How should Christians treat the topic of sex?
Do you agree or disagree with me? Why?
Feel free to share in the Comments below. I'd love to hear what you think.