Should Christian Couples Be Kissing Outside of Marriage?
I am the only Christian I can think of that does not approve of premarital kissing, which bothers me to no end. In fact, when I tell other Christians that I believe it is wrong to kiss a person’s significant other before marriage, they laugh as though I’m telling them they shouldn’t eat pork. However, before you dismiss this discussion as stupid and unimportant, consider that there may actually be a problem with our current moral standards.
First of all, when I say “kissing”, I do not mean a peck on the lips to say I love you, such as a kiss you would give your mother. I am speaking of the kissing couples engage in to gratify their physical desires. Some try to argue that kissing isn’t quite sexual, it’s just passionate physical intimacy, but those are the same thing.
- 1. Relating to the instincts, physiological processes, and activities connected with physical attraction or intimate physical contact between individuals.
Kissing is extremely sexual and that’s why it would be wrong to make out with your Dad. If it wasn’t sexual, then making out with your Dad wouldn’t be incest or homosexual. However, if you would rather use the term “sensual”, we can do that too.
- 1. The enjoyment, expression, or pursuit of physical, especially sexual, pleasure.
- 2. Of or arousing gratification of the senses and physical, especially sexual, pleasure.
- 3. The condition of being pleasing or fulfilling to the senses.
Both are deemed wrong by the Bible. Physical intimacy such as kissing is both sexual (activities connected with physical attraction or intimate physical contact) and sensual (gratification of the senses and physical, especially sexual, pleasure). Here are some of the numerous verses that forbid such acts:
2 Peter 2:18 - For, speaking loud boasts of folly, they entice by sensual passions of the flesh those who are barely escaping from those who live in error.
2 Peter 2:2 - And many will follow their sensuality, and because of them the way of truth will be blasphemed.
Ephesians 4:19 - They have become callous and have given themselves up to sensuality, greedy to practice every kind of impurity.
Galatians 5:19 - Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality,
2 Corinthians 12:21 - I fear that when I come again my God may humble me before you, and I may have to mourn over many of those who sinned earlier and have not repented of the impurity, sexual immorality, and sensuality that they have practiced.
1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 - For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God;
Romans 13:13-14 - Let us walk properly as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and sensuality, not in quarreling and jealousy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.
There are a thousand more spread throughout the Bible.
“As long as kissing doesn’t lead to sex or lust, it’s okay. Everyone has their own line and should set their own boundaries.”
Unfortunately, the problem with kissing, as just discussed, is not that it may lead to something else. We don’t use kissing as a hello to all our friends and it’s not some tribal ritual we do with our families to stay healthy. Kissing is wrong outside of marriage on its own, whether it leads to sex or not. The line doesn’t move around based on the person. Making out, making out while laying down, making out while laying down in bathing suits, making out while laying down naked, and making out while laying down naked and exploring another other person’s body are all wrong for every individual no matter how much self-control they may have.
“Don’t you think it will be awkward if you haven’t even kissed someone by the time you get married?”
Yes of course it will be awkward, but that’s something a married couple can share and go through together without comparing to other experiences. Kissing and other sexual activities are very special and should be shared only within the bounds of marriage. I’m not expecting to be my future wife’s first kiss, because that’s not what people are generally taught to do, but I would hope that she comes to agree with this principle. Abstaining from these things till then also shows the commitment you have to your future spouse.
Apart from these biblical reasons, I also believe it’s not a beneficial life choice in general. Some people, especially women, have said that they feel kissing is more intimate and memorable than sex. Adding a physical bond to a relationship you can’t guarantee will last, is very dangerous and can be very damaging. Kissing your partner is almost like making a commitment to them which is then broken if the relationship does not work out.
In 1 Corinthians 6:18, God sets sexual sin apart from all other forms of wrong doing: “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.” However, not only is it wrong, but it can also cause emotional and relational problems. I don’t look down on people who have engaged in such activities outside of marriage, but I do pray that they change how they think.