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Singles and the Church

Updated on December 29, 2016
Efficient Admin profile image

Efficient Admin (aka Michelle) loves good hikes and good food. She currently works as a Project Coordinator for an engineering company.


Finding a good bible-believing church can be a challenge for most people, but especially singles. Navigating your way through a Single's ministry within a church can sometimes be a challenge, but don't give up. If there are any indications of genuine fellowship within the group there will be many blessings. I believe the bottom line in finding a church is to start praying everyday that you will be lead to a good church, and focus on finding a good Sunday School class that doesn't "categorize" people. In other words a class that is open to everyone no matter what age, sex, single or married, etc...

Most mainstream Protestant churches cater to a certain demographic of people. The married with young children is the demographic churches cater to the most, in that they make the effort to expend time, money, and resources to this group. However in our population almost 50% are single with no children or are single parents.

The mainstream church does not know what to do with these singles, so many Christian singles are not being ministered to and are not offered the opportunities to serve the Lord and His church because they are either ignored or shunned when they visit a church service.

The church needs to take a look at this situation more closely. They need to spend the time and money in hiring full-time staff to minister only to a Singles Ministry, just like they do for the Marrieds, Preschoolers, and Toddlers Ministry.

Hiring full-time staff positions of people that have been down that road as a single and have a good understanding of the challenges and pros of staying single, rather by choice or not. If a married couple is hired to minister to the Singles Ministry, they should have been single themselves for at least 5-10 years before getting married. They should feel called by God to minister to this demographic. If they are single, a man and a woman should be hired separately. They need to have leadership skills and lay the ground rules in a loving way that the purpose for this group is to honor and worship God first and foremost, to love Him with all your heart, mind, and soul (Matthew 22:37; Mark 12:30; and Luke 10:27). We are to view each other as brothers and sisters of the Most High God. It isn’t the church’s job to be matchmakers for the singles. Let no man tear apart what God has brought together (Matthew 19:6). If it is God will for two people to meet and get married, it will be God who will complete it.

In a church Single’s Ministry, there will be certain problems and issues that may arise and need to be dealt with. There are people that may fall into certain categories and unfortunately the church doesn’t know what to do with them, or does not want to spend the time and effort dealing with them. In any group of church singles, people may fall into one or more of the following categories:

When to Set Boundaries

The wounded, hurt, psycho messed up folks

There are those people will come into the church looking for help and support. They most likely do not have a family to lean on through no fault of their own. There seems to be more and more dysfunctional toxic families nowadays. Jesus said He would never break a bent reed (Isaiah 42:3) and Come to Me all you who are weary (Matthew 11:28).

Christians are each others families. Jesus said His real family are those who love and obey God (Matthew 12:50). When brothers and sisters gather in Christ’s name and start praying it is a very powerful thing. Iron sharpens iron (Proverbs 27:17). These folks should not be brushed aside, but rather led in the direction of repentance and humility before God, and healing will follow.

If you are single, have you ever visited a church and felt ignored or brushed aside as you tried to get plugged in?

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The Meat Market Folks

I apologize in advance if this is offensive to anyone, but these things happen. These are mostly men but women have this mentality but they act in a different way.

These are the men who come into the Single’s Ministry at a church looking for “good” women to "hook up" with. They are not looking for commitment or courtship, they just want a good time. Would a “good” woman who dedicated her life to the Lord allow herself to be used by a player outside of marriage? Probably not.

There are some women who will come to the Single’s Ministry desperate to meet a man. They are very desperate and just have to have a man and their main goal is to get a diamond ring on their finger. Would a good man dedicated to the Lord be attracted to such desperation in a woman? Probably not. She needs to get on her knees every day in prayer, crying out to the Lord for some peace in her soul.

The Catty Gossipy Back-Stabbing Two-Faced Folks

Once again, I apologize if this is offensive to anyone, but there are people in the church on Sunday mornings that behave like this. If you do not have these types in your church, you are blessed. These are mostly women who size you up when you visit their class so they have something to gossip about. They may ask you if you have any needs they can pray about, but in reality they want to gossip about you to everyone else about your problems. They are looking for a social group in the church rather than deepening their faith and strengthening their walk with the Lord. God more than likely is not moving in their lives because of the bad stinky fruit they produce for everybody else.

Of course married with children people may fall into these categories as well. The church always seems to have “Date Night” and “Couples Retreats” and “Strengthen Your Marriage” seminars for them. I have heard from a very reliable source, at a particularly large Baptist church in my town, that the Marrieds Sunday School classes were all having affairs with each other. So Adultery was running rampant there for a while on God’s property. I am not sure if anything was done about it.


In my humble opinion, the best Sunday School classes to visit at church are the Marrieds / Singles combined. You will mostly meet singles that are mature and emotionally stable and can have fellowship and intelligent conversations with them, because they are not focusing on which person in here can I date. The married people are most likely emotionally stable as well and genuine fellowship is more likely to occur in this environment. It has been my experience (most of the time) these mixed classes are made up of people who are not into head games, gossip, and back-biting. They just want to draw closer to the Lord, bible study, and fellowship with the brethren. Now that sounds like my kind of church.

Any comments are welcomed.


© 2012 Efficient Admin


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    • Efficient Admin profile image

      Efficient Admin 5 years ago from Charlotte, NC

      dianetrotter - it sounds like your church is a great place to worship and fellowship. I really love sunday school classes that are open to everyone regardless of age, sex, marital status, have kids or not, etc...where the Gospel is for everyone and Christ is the center of attention. Thank you for reading and commenting.

    • dianetrotter profile image

      G. Diane Nelson Trotter 5 years ago from Fontana

      Great article Efficient! My church has a place for everyone to plug in. No one is turned away because we don't feel they are doing or being what they should be. We want the relationships to grow so God can do His work.

    • Efficient Admin profile image

      Efficient Admin 5 years ago from Charlotte, NC

      This article was not meant to imply it is a sin to look for a mate at church. Also the comment about the meat market was not meant to be offensive, sorry you were offended, but these are observations being made in this article. I think church is a great place to meet a future mate but good luck if that's the only reason a person goes to church.

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      Sparrowfeather 5 years ago

      Never married older adults are actually treated with more suspicion (than the single mothers are) and as though there is something wrong with them because they never married.

      Often, many Christians wrongly assume such people are homosexual, and they assume they are sexual predators -

      Married pastors refuse to meet with single/never married women alone because they wrongly and arrogantly assume all such women are sex addicted bimbos who will try to 'put the moves on them.'

      I've read testimonies by many never married Christian men who are over 30 years old whose churches won't let them teach young adult ministries because they are afraid these men might hit on the young girls (or the young guys - often older single Christian males are assumed to be homosexuals, if they have not married by age 30 - 40).

      Never married men (or even divorced ones) over age 30 will not be hired to work as pastors because all churches have a bias against single men. The churches all want married men to hire for clergy, especially married ones with kids.

      It disgusts me and saddens me that there are so many prejudices and stereotypes Christians have against older single Christians, but I think it happens more against older never married men and women than it does divorced women with kids.

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      Sparrowfeather 5 years ago

      I don't completely agree with the post's "meat market" commentary.

      I am in my early 40s, a woman, and never married, though I wanted to be.

      I was taught by my Christian mother and father that nice Christian girls do not go to bars to get a husband but to church, so I found your comments under "meat market" insulting.

      Mom also told me repeatedly from the time I was a girl, to pray to the Lord for a husband, just wait, and have faith for it, all of which I did (I also tried going to church sponsored singles functions, regular church services weekly, and tried online matchmaking), and none of that worked.

      I do not think people should be having sex outside of marriage, but where and how else do you expect a single Christina woman to meet a single Christian man with the goal of marriage, if not at church?

      There is nothing inherently wrong or sinful about Christian singles hoping to meet Mr./Ms Right at church.

      The Bible says Christians are to marry Christians, and the best place to meet Christians is where they gather, which would be at, well... church.

      The only other option is to use a dating site, but I'm one of those people who do not feel comfortable using them nor can I afford them (they charge monthly fees).

      So where exactly does this author propose I meet a single Christian man to marry, if not church, which is the most logical place to go?

    • Efficient Admin profile image

      Efficient Admin 5 years ago from Charlotte, NC

      Hello Jax. Thanks for your comment. Children they say are a blessing. Most churches I know of love children. If single mothers get treated with suspicion, they should go visit another church IMHO.

    • Jax Ndongwe profile image

      Jax Ndongwe 5 years ago

      In my experience, I have noticed that single mothers in the church,are treated with downright suspicion from the onset. Please give these women a fair chance of fitting in because their pride and hope has already been wounded. Please do not add insult to injury by neglecting to fellowship with them!

    • Efficient Admin profile image

      Efficient Admin 5 years ago from Charlotte, NC

      Thanks for your comment davenstan. I'm not sure what is going on with people at church sometimes but pray for them!

    • davenstan profile image

      Katina Davenport 5 years ago

      When it comes to single women, I have seen some very crazy things in the church. Many want to test out the waters, so to speak. I am married. Women ask me how I got married, I tell them and say let me help you prepare for your husband. They refuse to hear it...some, well most.