Singles and the Church
Finding a good bible-believing church can be a challenge for most people, but especially singles. Navigating your way through a Single's ministry within a church can sometimes be a challenge, but don't give up. If there are any indications of genuine fellowship within the group there will be many blessings. I believe the bottom line in finding a church is to start praying everyday that you will be lead to a good church, and focus on finding a good Sunday School class that doesn't "categorize" people. In other words a class that is open to everyone no matter what age, sex, single or married, etc...
Most mainstream Protestant churches cater to a certain demographic of people. The married with young children is the demographic churches cater to the most, in that they make the effort to expend time, money, and resources to this group. However in our population almost 50% are single with no children or are single parents.
The mainstream church does not know what to do with these singles, so many Christian singles are not being ministered to and are not offered the opportunities to serve the Lord and His church because they are either ignored or shunned when they visit a church service.
The church needs to take a look at this situation more closely. They need to spend the time and money in hiring full-time staff to minister only to a Singles Ministry, just like they do for the Marrieds, Preschoolers, and Toddlers Ministry.
Hiring full-time staff positions of people that have been down that road as a single and have a good understanding of the challenges and pros of staying single, rather by choice or not. If a married couple is hired to minister to the Singles Ministry, they should have been single themselves for at least 5-10 years before getting married. They should feel called by God to minister to this demographic. If they are single, a man and a woman should be hired separately. They need to have leadership skills and lay the ground rules in a loving way that the purpose for this group is to honor and worship God first and foremost, to love Him with all your heart, mind, and soul (Matthew 22:37; Mark 12:30; and Luke 10:27). We are to view each other as brothers and sisters of the Most High God. It isn’t the church’s job to be matchmakers for the singles. Let no man tear apart what God has brought together (Matthew 19:6). If it is God will for two people to meet and get married, it will be God who will complete it.
In a church Single’s Ministry, there will be certain problems and issues that may arise and need to be dealt with. There are people that may fall into certain categories and unfortunately the church doesn’t know what to do with them, or does not want to spend the time and effort dealing with them. In any group of church singles, people may fall into one or more of the following categories:
The wounded, hurt, psycho messed up folks
There are those people will come into the church looking for help and support. They most likely do not have a family to lean on through no fault of their own. There seems to be more and more dysfunctional toxic families nowadays. Jesus said He would never break a bent reed (Isaiah 42:3) and Come to Me all you who are weary (Matthew 11:28).
Christians are each others families. Jesus said His real family are those who love and obey God (Matthew 12:50). When brothers and sisters gather in Christ’s name and start praying it is a very powerful thing. Iron sharpens iron (Proverbs 27:17). These folks should not be brushed aside, but rather led in the direction of repentance and humility before God, and healing will follow.
If you are single, have you ever visited a church and felt ignored or brushed aside as you tried to get plugged in?
The Meat Market Folks
I apologize in advance if this is offensive to anyone, but these things happen. These are mostly men but women have this mentality but they act in a different way.
These are the men who come into the Single’s Ministry at a church looking for “good” women to "hook up" with. They are not looking for commitment or courtship, they just want a good time. Would a “good” woman who dedicated her life to the Lord allow herself to be used by a player outside of marriage? Probably not.
There are some women who will come to the Single’s Ministry desperate to meet a man. They are very desperate and just have to have a man and their main goal is to get a diamond ring on their finger. Would a good man dedicated to the Lord be attracted to such desperation in a woman? Probably not. She needs to get on her knees every day in prayer, crying out to the Lord for some peace in her soul.
- Living Single and Loving God
Being single should not be viewed as a joyless, lonely existence. Rather, it should be celebrated as an opportunity to live a full and blessed life, for God.
- The Top 9 Benefits Enjoyed by Women Living Alone
Many women dread the prospect of living alone, but really, it's AWESOME, and women are choosing to live alone every year.
- Christian Singles - My Favorite Places to Get Biblical Guidance During This Season of Life
The Catty Gossipy Back-Stabbing Two-Faced Folks
Once again, I apologize if this is offensive to anyone, but there are people in the church on Sunday mornings that behave like this. If you do not have these types in your church, you are blessed. These are mostly women who size you up when you visit their class so they have something to gossip about. They may ask you if you have any needs they can pray about, but in reality they want to gossip about you to everyone else about your problems. They are looking for a social group in the church rather than deepening their faith and strengthening their walk with the Lord. God more than likely is not moving in their lives because of the bad stinky fruit they produce for everybody else.
Of course married with children people may fall into these categories as well. The church always seems to have “Date Night” and “Couples Retreats” and “Strengthen Your Marriage” seminars for them. I have heard from a very reliable source, at a particularly large Baptist church in my town, that the Marrieds Sunday School classes were all having affairs with each other. So Adultery was running rampant there for a while on God’s property. I am not sure if anything was done about it.
In my humble opinion, the best Sunday School classes to visit at church are the Marrieds / Singles combined. You will mostly meet singles that are mature and emotionally stable and can have fellowship and intelligent conversations with them, because they are not focusing on which person in here can I date. The married people are most likely emotionally stable as well and genuine fellowship is more likely to occur in this environment. It has been my experience (most of the time) these mixed classes are made up of people who are not into head games, gossip, and back-biting. They just want to draw closer to the Lord, bible study, and fellowship with the brethren. Now that sounds like my kind of church.
Any comments are welcomed.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2012 Michelle Dee