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Spirit Of Abandonment
Where is your faith?
Everyone has had that feeling of whatever can go wrong will go wrong every now and then, Right? Well what about that feeling of down right being abandoned by everything and everyone you come in contact with. So i started writing the story of my life and lost it in the shuffle but its so vivid i guess a portion of it is OK to share.
It started from the day i was born when my father told my mother i was her child for her to take care of me, First dose of abandonment, but how do i know I'm just a baby. As i grew i felt I had to win the love of anyone including my family, make a long story short i felt a lack of love and emotion at home.
No i didn't grow up being rebellious instead i did the reverse tried to please everybody wanting nothing but harmony around me. so everyone i came in contact with i had a deep emotional attachment to them, however they were only there for a season until they got what they needed then they were gone another form of abandonment. So the only way i knew i would be loved is by birthing a part of me that would never abandon me and that when i had my first Beautiful Baby Girl, then came my three boys now i was the happiest person alive, four children by four different men that all got what they wanted and abandoned me but i didn’t care cause i got what I wanted.
Soon after that though i felt like something was missing in my life thinking that i needed a man in my life to validate who i was and complete my family but each man i got with was either emotionally, mentally or physically abusive after all I had done and all i did was curse GOD asking what am i doing wrong all I wanted was to be love. Oh yea of little faith i heard a voice say have you forgotten about me. it was me that caught every tear you have cried, it was I that prevented you from dying in that car accident, and through all those detours in life you took that wasn’t my plan it was me that carried you through.
You see we all seem to forget where our help comes from as I have done and i was selfish in a since wanting only what i wanted but i later found out that its not about what you. its about what he has for you, and i heard him say it was not me that has left you i been here all the time, it was you that left me and he I stand awaiting your return. I tell you that was the best thing that i could have ever heard although it was a small still voice it was as loud as the thunder .
So although it seemed others were abandoning me God was there all the time and all i needed but i pushed him to the side trying to do it myself. People the only way we can do it is through Christ and I thank him everyday, yes i get discouraged from time to time but i have to remember where he brought me from. WHERE IS YOUR FAITH?