Spiritual Warfare: The Real War on The Saints (Part 9)
Last year was a most unusual and unforgettable year for me. 2014 was the year one of my most beloved family members reached the edge of life, that is, almost died. Then, by means that can only be called, 'divine' was restored with the breath of life (literally) at, what can be calculated the very last moment. Sounds too good to be true?
After two weeks of being hospitalized, we were told, 'say goodbye'. I was dumbfounded, steeped in confusion, hard-pressed and utterly caught off guard. After all, I stood watch throughout the course of those two weeks, sleeping or not, eating or not, but keeping a diligent eye on all the events unfolding, all the medical applications being performed and filling in for those areas of care that were neglected. (Many were.) All the while, I prayed.
I prayed at night, while the patients were supposed to be sleeping. I prayed during the day, when the patients were supposed to be supervised by the nurses designated them. I prayed while my beloved family member slept. I prayed while my beloved family member struggled to breathe. I prayed while my beloved family member struggled to eat. I prayed while my beloved family member was being given various medications, injections and tests.
The whole time I prayed, I heard the voice of The Almighty Creator say only two words to me. I struggled to hear more. This was one of the motivating factors relating to my praying harder and longer and with more diligence than ever before in my life. I prayed hoping to hear more from Him. I prayed believing something would change, so that I could take this individual, who had grown weak and more vulnerable as day shifted into day, home. I prayed convinced that my prayers were being heard, but growing more and more uncertain regarding the two words I was hearing as the days turned into weeks.
Was I hearing them? Or was I making them up? I analyzed my heart relating to the two words, because I know myself; and, knowing, I realized there was no way. Knowing me, I knew that if I was making up the words I was hearing, I would not have made up those sane two words. Nor would the words have remained unchanging for the entire hospital stay. I would have made up two other words, words I wanted desperately to hear. Yes. The words, 'go home' would have been exactly what I wanted to hear. But, no. Instead, I heard only, 'Trust Me'.
"Trust Me". Two words. Over and over again, these two words revolved in my mind, reverberated in my heart, and rang in my spirit.
I was relieved to hear these two words when we first went to the hospital; and as a result of hearing them, I thought, 'well, great. We'll be going home before we know it.' That's not what happened though. We didn't go home. We were sent to ICU instead.
I was told we would only be in ICU for the weekend; but later, I discovered (from talking to one of the staff members) in twenty-seven years of that staff member being employed in that department, only two people went to another floor still breathing. When I was being told this, I was perplexed. My mind was riveting, wondering, 'what exactly is being said here?'.
I had heard of people being released from ICU all the time. What I was being told didn't ring true to me. However, over the course of two weeks I discovered something else. There was more than one ICU department in the hospital; and the one my beloved family member had been sent to was the one where no one (except two people in twenty-seven years) came out alive.
I continued to pray. Despite what my ears were hearing, I held hard onto the two words that I heard in my heart. 'Trust Me,' He said. I did.
I trusted Adonai. I laid hold of the promises in The Holy Bible that have encouraged me during the most difficult circumstances of my life. I meditated on those promises. I repeated Scripture verses attaching The Saviour's words to the circumstances unfolding before my eyes, determined to believe that His answer to prayer was forthcoming.
Throughout the course of my spiritual journey, my faith was tried, tested and found true as a result of life lessons in which I was challenged to stand on Holy Bible promises. So, I closed my eyes to what was visible and set my heart's desires on that which I could not see, but understood in my spirit.
Standing strong in faith at this particular point in my spiritual journey was the hardest challenge I ever faced up until that time. Mercifully, I didn't know the challenge was about to get harder. The struggle between my spiritual understanding and the strategies being used by an unseen enemy to corrupt my faith through the materialization of my greatest fear was something I could not have prepared for in advance if I tried. No one can prepare to go unscathed when death knocks at the door, not in the natural.
Having already lost my parents and one of my siblings, along with several other extremely cherished members of my family, I was loathe to lose this one. I understood full well the pain of absence, when someone whose relationship you treasure is about to be forever lost. I dreaded the thought.
For this reason, when after two weeks of hearing nothing but, 'Trust Me', and we found ourselves back in ICU (after having escaped once during the two weeks ~ I have not gone into details as they are lengthy and intense) I became concerned. Though confidence in The King I serve was firm, I did not feel the same confidence regarding my own senses and what I contemplated hearing, believing, thinking, hoping.
When at the end of that last day, we were told to say, 'good-bye', I could not bring myself to do so; the inability hinging on one promise, based the two words. To me, 'Trust Me' meant, 'all will be well'. I was interpreting the words, 'Trust Me' as saying, 'don't worry'...'you're going to go home'.
But the final day at the hospital bore evidence to another end result. I watched the breathing patterns of this individual become less frequent, weaker, unstable and finally, having stared at the throat, chest and diaphragm for hours, I faced the thing I dread most. Visually, the evidence of life was all but disintegrated; and I realized something: at no time during those two weeks did The Father tell me, 'don't worry you're going home'. I simply hoped, trusted and believed it would be so, because that was my heart's desire.
The terminal circumstances confronting me were more than I wanted to experience, but I could not bring myself to walk out of the room, as I did the last fifteen minutes of my sibling's life. Instead, I got off my knees (because I was kneeling on the floor watching the diaphragm for evidence of breathing ~ and there was almost no evidence left to see) and I went to whisper into my beloved's ear.
The actual words I spoke are words I will not disclose here; but, I will say, I laid my Isaac down. I told my beloved one, that I was laying the circumstance of the moment at The Altar of The Great Physician, where I knew He would take over, and where His Will would be done. I did not say the words, 'good-bye'. I could not.
Then I walked away and spoke to my King. The emotions I expressed to Him were honest and naked. I was broken. I was emptied of all. The power to change any of the factors in the equation was outside my grasp. I knew it. He knew it.
So, I promised that no matter what He chose to do with the life capitulating at death's door, I would not hate Him. I could offer no more.
I surrendered the life of the one I loved into His care along with my breaking heart. In the only way I knew, I was trusting Him.
I could go into a longer detail of this account, but that would not change the outcome. What I will say though, is that within the hour of having surrendered everything into His Care, life returned to my beloved one. Life.
In the midst of the darkest hour My King's Will was done. The final result being more than I could have hoped for; yet, dared to believe. My beloved is home and we are working on growing stronger everyday.
I share all this Beloved of The Father to let you know: HE IS WORTHY to be Trusted! Believe Him! Grow strong in your faith. The warfare Believers in Yeshua will face is not uncomplicated, simple or pleasant; but He Will be with us every step of the way; and if we lean on Him, He Will Bless us as only He Is Able to Bless!
Forgive me for straying off topic in order to share this testimony of His Goodness; but if you think about it, you will understand, I have not gone off topic at all...