The Best Sentence To Use When Dealing With Verbal Confrontation
Someone I know confronted me yesterday with false accusations. While I knew I did not want to get caught up in a potential fight with them over something I knew I should not be 'charged' with, I still became defensive and verbally argumentative with this person. I felt in my heart I was wrongly accused, and that I had a right to state how I felt. But when I prayed to the Lord about it this morning, I sought Him about it. I knew that surely there was a way to disagree with someone peaceably, leaving no room for the possibility of a fight.
In some situations we are in, walking away and saying nothing does not always work. In some cases, it can acutally make the other person view you as uncaring, unconcerned, and lacking communication. So while praying to God about those times when a response is needed, and asking Him how I can take a stance on how I feel about how I'm treated in a respectful and honest way, He spoke to me immediately with one sentence, and one action.
He showed me that saying, 'I'm sorry you feel that way, but I disagree', (followed by walking away) is the best solution when someone says something that warrants response, but you want to avoid an arguement when confronted with a false accusation, or any type of confrontational attitude.
This was completely refreshing to me. It gave me a 'way out', yet a voice at the same time.
This 'method' is completely brilliant. Some have probably already learned this, and if I recall, I may have as well. Today God may have just reminded me, and that's just fine by me.
As the bible calls us as christians to live peaceably with all men as much as is possible (Romans 12:18), we must find ways to handle verbally confrontational people in the most godly way(s). You may work with them, live with them, or be related to them. In any case, we are called to avoid disagreements with people that may escalate into full-blown verbal fights. This is a particularly difficult trial for me as the people I have in my life whom are this way have the incredible ability to suck me into these fights.
For God to show me this - again - He has given me freedom from their 'hold' on me in this area of my life, and freedom from my lack of self-control at times when faced by them.
This is a fool-proof solution in my opinion. Here's why:
1. Beginning with an apology acknowledges their feelings rather than just stating yours. That generally softens a persons heart in the midst of disagreements.
2. The term 'I disagree' gives you a straight-arrow answer for how you feel, leaving out any excuses which in this case are unnecessary to even address.
3. There is nothing accusatory about this sentence in any way, shape or form, to cause another to increase in their defenses against you.
4. This statement, when spoken in love, is respectful and honoring to the Lord. Ephesians 4:15.
5. It leaves absolutely no room for argument. I thought 'well knowing the people I tend to fall into fights with, they would probably say I'm not sorry, but who cares. I'll be walking away by that time.'
This response must be coupled with walking away. If you choose to stay, you choose to fight. If you walk away, even if they are saying things to you as you do, they will be slamming their heads into a brick wall. Eventually, they will realize - after your consistant use of this phrase (and not overuse) - that their approach is obviously not working, and that they have nothing to use against you. They may even stop alltogether.
So, good luck with your 'confrontations', and I hope you find that you gain positive, freeing results from using this approach. God bless.