The Location of The Hell of Christiandom
I am on a quest to learn the location of the eternal hell that will roast all non believers and pagans in fire. I have put together several possibilities and have eliminated some. Probably the most accepted location would be the middle of our earth. Afterall, science knows that there is sulfur there (don't know how that would contribute to the suffering of hell's inhabitants though). It is very hot at the core which is made up of molten medals that still haven't cooled from the origin of earth. That would serve as a very severe burning for the biggest sinners (you know, those that knock on your door Sunday mornings, waking you up?). There is even an urban leagend that geologists drilled a hole so deep in the Arctic ice that they could hear the screams of those in hell. Wow, they were screaming and they weren't even at very low depths. So, what those scientists probably heard were generally nice folk who died not knowing what to believe. .. .oh, and babies that died unbaptised. So, that's where the term "when hell freezes over" came from. See, hell has frozen over with Arctic ice. Yep, bet they'll really be screamin in the lowest pits. Besides, there are many bible verses confused for describing hell in the center of the Earth. Just one problem. We know that there is no oxygen there. People would just die. How can they suffer? And please, the center of our little planet cannot hold all of those that christians assure us will be going to hell. But keep the faith people, god can give the gift of life without people having to breath. They'll get their gift. That's what the god of christiandom does. he gives life, even to those suffering in hell.
Perhaps Mars would be a better fit for hell (though way too small for everyone hell bound). It aint named after the god of War for nothing. People that love war will have their place in hell. Watch out George Dubya. Your love of war will land you where the right wingers insist the liberals are going. And do you people believe those scientists anyway? You know, the ones that say we've sent satalites to Mars and even machines to its surface? It's a cover up. Mars is the red planet because it is on fire. And fire is red when mixed with certain elements. Mars could be the place Christians call hell.
But let's not forget about Venus (the god of Love). This planet was named for them naughty thoughts that humans have for the opposite sex. And we know that churchies hate sex and all thoughts of it. While Mars is supposedly male, Venus is female. Could Venus also represent homos? Maybe they could have called Venus the god of sodomy. So perhaps Venus is this hell that everyone's afraid of. Maybe that's where them bad people like Ghandi done went. And because of the runaway green house effect, Venus has the highest average temperature of all planets in the solar system. Venus has to be hell. But I digest.
Speaking of solar, is it any wonder that the christians don't mention the very hottest body in our system? The millions of degrees at the center of our sun would probably be plenty hot to punish those god seeks his mindless revenge against. And there's plenty of room there. So is the sun hell? Blasphamy!! The bible uses the sun as a symbol for the real Son. How dare anybody suggest that hell is in the sun. Don't worry, I suggested no such thing. The sun shines on us as the Son shines on those given the holy spirit. Calling the sun hell would be a little more blasphamis than suggesting hell exists to begin with.
But back to the planets. It seems that Jupiter would make the best hell because of the conditions on that planet. The gravity is about 500 times what it is on earth so people towards the outside of the planet will be continually tormented by fighting the gravitational pull, to avoid the extreme heat towards the inner layers. Of course, those caught in the center would suffer heat well above that of earth's center. We're talking true revenge for god who supposedly knew this outcome in the beginning. You gotta love churchianity.
Now I could go through every damn planet but there is only one location fitting for the hell of christiandom. And that, my friends, would be. . . . . . . . . . . . . .
That's right. Uranus. A body which experiences freaquent outgassing and is very cold at the surface. Science has learned that Uranus also has rings all around it and those rings came from other bodies such as flying roids. That is the true location of the hell screamed from the pulpits. It is in Uranus.
And as far as I'm concerned, that is exactly where the church can shove that horendous man made doctrine.