The Prayer That Changed Everything!
Introduction: The Restless Night
Once again, I find myself looking through past writings. I am so amazed when I realize what has changed with time.
You know, I was almost not born. I would not be writing these words right now without Divine intervention. I faced a lot of death in my life, growing up. One thing that this taught me was that my life must count! I found myself on a journey into the unknown of life beyond that which society offers. I wanted more than a home, a job, and a husband. I wanted to truly live. I didn't know that to find that life, I'd have to die first.
Late in the night, on February 16, 2008, I found myself unable to sleep. I was restless and felt like there was a tug-of-war occurring within me. I found myself unable to pray without weeping, as I just felt like I was in the midst of a massive, enduring storm that seemed like it would never end. I felt compelled to sit down and write. This is the prayer that came out. I prefaced the prayer with a statement that said, "BECAUSE YOU ARE A FAITHFUL GOD WHO HEARS OUR PRAYERS I KNOW THAT THIS PRAYER WILL CHANGE EVERYTHING…GIVE ME PATIENCE TO WAIT UPON YOU…" Little did I know that I would stumble upon this prayer again three years later to find that God did, indeed, answer every aspect of this prayer and has brought me into a freedom unimaginable!. This prayer DID change everything!
Lord, you created every part of me according to your design. I am made in the image of God. I bear the “imageo dei.” Did you not give me my desires? Do my tears not flow out of the burdens that you have laid upon my heart? Is my frustration and anger towards evil not from your righteous hand? Let me not be self-deceived. If these burdens are from you then I pray that you not only sustain them but even increase them. If my tears flow from a place of deception and imagination then I ask that you stop them immediately and reveal my sin to me. Let me not stumble—let me not trip upon the snares laid out before me by the enemy. You have given me a hunger for your truth. In your Word it is plain, but in the world around me it is distorted. I do not see black and white for I am surrounded by shadows of grey. They lurk around as a smoky screen, trying to hide reality from my eyes. I try to hear your voice, for your sheep know your voice. But it is so noisy in this place. There are so many voices that call out to me for attention—so many appear as truth and logic—yet they are laced with deception and lies. Lord, in the name of Jesus, give me eyes to see! Give me ears to hear! Whatever is not from you please destroy in me right now! If the vision set before my eyes is not yours, then destroy it at once! If the zeal that drives me is not of your power or for your glory then remove it completely! If I am sinking in the sand of self-deception and selfishness then please let me see my sin and give me the gift of repentance that I may turn towards you! I long to be near to you, my God. I thirst for your truth. I cannot live apart from your grace and love. I know that your Word says that nothing can separate me from your love and I believe that to be true. Yet let me not get side-tracked on a path that is not yours. Lead me down the narrow way—even though I may be lonely—I know that you, my God, are with me. Teach me, O Holy Spirit, the way of wisdom. Impart upon me a great measure of faith—that I may believe even though I cannot see. Let me walk in the faith of the Spirit to do the impossible, for with you Lord, nothing is impossible. If you say, “Who shall I send?” I answer to you Lord, “Here am I. I will go.” I ask only that you make clear to me the next step. Where shall I stand and what shall I say? When shall I go and when shall I wait? When shall I speak boldly and when shall I remain silent? I offer myself to you as a living sacrifice upon the altar. I will not walk among the dead anymore as one dead, myself. But I offer myself to you that I may die completely. Kill my flesh, O God. Kill the human will inside. Snuff out the evil in me and the rebellion. I shall lay here and wait to die. And Lord—I pray that you will raise me up, just as you did with Jesus, that I may be a new creation. Let me walk among the dead as one who is living and use me to give life—to offer hope—to love unconditionally—to serve those in need—to be a tangible expression of grace and forgiveness. Let me be your hands and your feet. And Father, in the name of Jesus Christ, protect me from the enemy. Let your shield of protection surround me. Send your angels to stand guard wherever I may go so that the ground I step on will be yours—let me find victory wherever I go, for your sake and for your glory. Use me to initiate change—to be a vessel that by faith moves mountains. Let my eyes not fall upon the evil that surrounds me or upon the sin within myself—let my sight not be consumed with the size of the obstacles that jump out from every corner—let the eyes of my heart be fully focused on you and on you alone. Let me not waver to the left or to the right. Give me patience that I may wait upon you and not run ahead on my own. Give me courage that I may go when you say “go.” Give me the strength to stand boldly for your truth and the grace to lay humbly at the feet of others. All things work together for the good of those who love you according to your purpose. I know that even this time that appears as confusion and chaos is allowed by you for a higher purpose. I trust you in the midst of this storm. Let me not resolve to deal with things in a human way but to depend fully on you for strength and direction. I pray for confirmation of my calling, Lord. Make clear the task before me. I cannot sleep because I keep waking up and talking about what I perceive to be words from you. I hear over and over again, “unity.” I am to focus on people—on relationships—on loving. I am to be an instrument of unity. You prayed, Jesus, for us before you went back to heaven. You prayed that we might be united and that the world would know we are yours by our unity. Yet the only way we can be united is by the Spirit. Therefore I ask that you destroy all the work that has been built by human hands. I ask that you tear down any fruit that has been produced by human flesh and effort. Tear down human efforts so that we may be built up on the solid foundation of Jesus Christ and the grace of the cross. Lord—I ask for wisdom and discernment. I ask for protection, for my enemies are the powers of darkness. Apart from you I can do nothing, but with you, my God, all things are possible. I give you my life. Do with me, O Lord, as you will. Let your will, not mine be done. Protect me from holding on—my hands are open and I let go of my life, for if I do not first lay down my life, I will not live. I depend on your to resurrect me. No longer shall I work according to the strength and knowledge of my flesh, but I shall live and move and have by being in you, Jesus, the Spirit of truth. Hold me up—teach me—lead me—empower me—to love you and to love others. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.
In the name of Jesus Christ I pray this,