- Religion and Philosophy
The Process starting from a seed... What is your story?
Introduction to The Process
Growing up in the church I can remember going to church camp, which to be honest I disliked except for the evening services. I have many memories from the evening services both good and bad. The most memorable moments for me were sitting in the corner by myself talking to God and feeling him wrap his arms around me and hold me. At that moment it was as if nothing in the world could touch me. The negative memories came from the times that I would watch those that went to camp come home so on fire for God and every one was so awed by the transformation in their life. Their testimony sent people to their feet clapping for the great things that had happened. I am not saying that God did not do those mighty things, but I found myself becoming so frustrated a week after camp watching those same individuals fall right back into the same patterns of their lives that they had before they went. I can remember growing up thinking I did not have any fantastic testimony of what God had done in my life. I got “saved” at 5 years old, 7 years old and I am pretty sure again at 10 years old. I wasn’t one who partied with my friends or had sex. I am not saying I was perfect because trust me I had my moments which only by the grace of God I was saved from myself. However, I found myself in the same place I did as a kid growing up. Watching individuals walk through the doors of the church and dramatically change their life and become on fire for God. I can remember them telling me how I needed to be on fire for God and go door-to-door telling others my testimony. I wanted to punch them in the face instead of mentor them. I struggled with the guilt of being so frustrated with them because I didn’t have the same on fire feeling as them and yet I loved God with all my heart. I knew I should be celebrating with them and I tried, but would go home feeling so much guilt and wondering what was wrong with me. Why wasn’t I on-fire for God that I would go door-to-door and stand on the street corners telling people about what God had done for me? I didn’t think my testimony was worth telling. To be honest I did not know what my testimony was except that I loved my heavenly father with all my heart and there was not a doubt in my mind that he would ever leave me, but that he would always be by my side no matter what I did or did not do. After I got out of high school and began to experience life, God began to show me many different things and this day I found myself in a place I never dreamed I would be.
As I sat in church this Sunday knowing I was choosing a life of sin, the only word I could use to describe how I felt or have been feeling is numb. The worship was amazing and I found myself going through the motions singing the words, “He makes all things new” and I wondered at that point could he truly make me new despite all that has went on and all that I have done. Then I heard God say it’s a process. I began to become flooded with all the memories of church camp and sitting in the corner with my heavenly father sharing every fear, every joy and every painful experience I was facing. I remembered those individuals in my life that I used to become so frustrated with that were “on-fire” for God and I remember watching them mature into amazing men and women of God who are on fire for God but not for people to see them but only for God to see. God has allowed me to go through a process that at times I am sure I have caused him so much pain watching me turn my back on him and get angry at him and yet he has never given up on me. He has never left me, as I knew that he would not when I was a kid. God is taking me through a process. We live in a society where everything is instant and we can get about anything we want at the snap of a finger. We drive thru and get our food in 30 seconds or less, and if we need a car we go to a bank and get a loan to buy the car. We are used to instant and yet God is a God of process. The process that we walk through with him goes deep. It is a true transformation that goes deep not just surface for others to see and applaud you for, but a deep root that cannot be pulled out or destroyed.
I am embarking on a journey of writing about the process. Looking at the in-depth steps that we walk through during the process of maturing in Christ. Feel free to share with your friends and family if this speaks to you. I will be posting weekly through the different steps of the process. I also would love to hear your own stories or thoughts regarding the process you have walked through and where you are at in your personal journey.