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The Promise Fulfilled ~ Part One ~ The Beginning ~

Updated on February 17, 2016


“And you shall know the Truth and the Truth shall make you Free”.

{All scriptures in the New American Standard Bible Version unless otherwise noted}

Hi, my name is Susan and I used to be a drug, alcohol and sex addict for almost as far back as I can remember. I’d say approximately for at least 36 years, perhaps longer. I have a true story to share with you, and a testimony to give. I offer it as a “sweet smelling sacrifice” to the Lord God Almighty and to His Son, Jesus the Christ, who saved my soul and set me free from the hell that was my life. For “He whom the Son sets free is free indeed.” {John 8:36}

Jesus says in His Word; “If you continue in My word, then you are truly disciples of Mine; and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.” {John 8:32}

I was a slave of sin. No if’s, ands or buts about that. It seemed to me that all I could seem to do was commit sin. Of course I didn't realize it was sin at the time because I was lost. God is Holy and anything that is done apart from God and what He says in His Word is, in fact, sin.

Jesus also said in verse 34 , “Truly, truly, I say to you, everyone who commits sin is the slave of sin." {John 8:31b -32. 34}

Jesus came into this world so that people like you and I could be forgiven and set free from the bondage's to our sins. He came to throw open the cell doors of the prisons of our captivity by the enemy and give to us the victory and freedom found only in Him.

Sin is a prison, and I was a sinner that was bound within it. The one who held me captive has a name and that name is Satan, the “god” of this world’s system. I pray that in the reading of the glorious truth‘s I will earnestly try to put forth before you, that you too who may be bound by addictions of any kind will choose freedom. And that you will choose to ask Jesus, by faith, to become your Savior and Lord and allow Him to become the Master of your lives. For what He has done for and in me He will also do for and in you.

Today I am a gratefully saved Christian. I wasn't always, not by a long shot. I was raised as a Baptist according to denominational faith. Yet I know now that there is truly only One Church and one body with Christ the Head of that body. I have a wonderful and truly miraculous testimony of deliverance from addiction to share with you. It is my hope that you will allow yourselves to hear it with your hearts and not just read it with your eyes.

I began using cocaine in my early years as a "recreational" user but that quickly became a state of mind and body that didn't last long at all for me, in retrospect. But I get ahead of myself.

I innocently began my experimentation with drugs and sex at the young age of thirteen. But found that in later years, as hard and as long as I truly tried on my own, and in my own "power", for over thirty-one YEARS, I simply could NOT stop using them on my own. I went to a multitude of drug and alcohol rehabs, and wound up in psychiatric hospitals as well. Either as a direct result of my abuse or in a bid for deliverance from the stronghold they had upon me. I also attended some Alcoholics and Narcotics Anonymous meetings over the years as well, yet none of them worked for me with any long lasting effect.

I, who had through the God given choice of my own free will, at least in the beginning years, dug the pit of my earthly hell deeper and deeper as the years wore on. Those years became increasingly more agonizing and destructive to my spirit and soul under the weight of the bondage I had acquired to the very drugs my flesh had at first relished in. The extents to which I would go to in order to obtain them further weighed me down with the heaviness of guilt and self-condemnation.

Over time I eventually began to hate the drugs I felt compelled to use almost as much as I had begun to hate my own flesh which continually betrayed me. For despite what "I" willed it to do, it seemed to have another "will" all of it's own. One without a conscience when it came to choosing what was right and what was wrong when it was in control.

After some years I found myself caught up in a dilemma with only one plausible answer it seemed to me; death by suicide. But after I began to seek God through the reading of His Word and prayers of supplication, even though I had not yet the comprehension of exactly what it was that I was reading but continuously went on reading it nonetheless? A change began to occur within me, one might say that miracle took place inside my spirit and soul.

I didn’t understand as I have since learned that the first prayers God hears are of those who are lost. You know, the first ones in which we confess our helplessness to change our situations and admit our need of God's forgiveness and to ask for His help. The prayer in which we also ask Him to become our Lord and Savior and come to live inside of our hearts and help us to do that which we are incapable of doing on our own and in our own strength? That is a prayer that He will always hear, no matter who we are or what we may have done. That prayer He will never ignore, but will at that very millisecond receive us into His Kingdom with the rejoicing of the angels in heaven over the sinner who was lost, but now is found.

"In the same way, I tell you, there is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents." (Luke 15:10)

Before I accepted Him for Who He is? Well, I knew that God existed somewhere afar off, yet I did not know Him through Jesus in a personal way. I believed in Him, yet I did not possess saving faith that happens when one believes with the heart as well as the mind when one makes that all important eight inch decision to choose Him. Measure the distance between your head and your heart and you will find that the distance is eight inches no matter what your shape or size.

I most certainly was blessed that I cannot remember a time in my life of ever doubting God‘s existence. Having grandparents who were Christians made me assured me of that fact. There came a time through reading His Word that I came to feel a “conviction” that I wasn’t “right” with Him, but as yet did not know that He is the Way outside of the desires of my own flesh and self-willfulness.

Over time I was becoming desperate to change the person I had become in my life and desperate as well to stop committing the sins before the one and only Holy God that I habitually and rebelliously committed. It was in those times of “self” recognition, along with a sense of hopelessness and helplessness to change my own life and stop the things I was doing against Him, that I came to believe through the deception of the enemy that, as I said suicide would be the only way I could make sure to stop doing drugs and sinning before God.

I felt a deep sense of what I construed at the time as my own worthlessness. Suicide, I believed was thusly the ONLY WAY, in which I would ever be able to find my way outside of the "cocaine covered door." I attempted this in several different ways, but as you can plainly see by my writing here that I still live by the grace of God.. How? Because God didn't allow me to die. He knew the day, the hour and the precise second I would accept His unmerited invitation to come to the cross where He shed His sinless blood as the Redeemer of all who would believe and choose to receive Him as their own personal Savior and Lord.

In my many attempt's to end the torment that wracked my flesh, mind, soul and my spirit, I set myself on fire, slit my own throat, and slashed my wrists time and time again. Once or twice I even attempted to hang myself and I purposely and purposefully overdosed multiple times. I tried different things, whatever thought came to me in that period of my existence I simply did. However I must at all costs be truthful with you, not all of the attempts were serious ones "unto death." Yet at the same time, often were. I came to believe that some were a cry for help, for someone, for ANYONE to please SEE that I was out of control. And that if "they" didn't stop me, I just didn't know what lay around the next corner of my life. I never really knew, thinking back and reliving those times in my memories, from day to day IF I would be able to survive throughout that day to even “have a life“ at all.

Yet, it wasn't MY life by any means. Something else was inside of me. Controlling me -- Many times it was like I watched myself doing things from above and outside of myself. I felt a menacing presence that caused me great misery and distress. Sometimes I felt like “it” was laughing at me. Now I know what it was, a demonic spirit who had taken control of me through the drugs and alcohol that I used and the men to whom I chose to lay down with in order to get my next “fix”. I became what is strangely a most popular “fad” today, I became a zombie walking around, yet I was dead emotionally and spiritually.

Then I met Jesus Christ through the blood poured out at Calvary's cross and as I sought Him, as I said, a miracle happened. He saved me and set me free, for Whom the Son sets free indeed!

As His Word declares, "If any man is in Christ he is a new creation, behold all things become new."

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. (2 Corinthians 5:17)

He warns us to harden not our hearts against Him.

As it is said, "Today if you should hear His voice, do not harden your hearts, as in the rebellion." (Hebrews 3:15)

And He promises us...

"If you acknowledge me before men I will acknowledge you before my Father which is in heaven."

It is with much gratitude that I find myself sitting before this computer again and finally beginning to fulfill the promise I made to God a few years ago. Promises to God are not to be taken lightly, for after all, HE IS GOD. Creator, Redeemer, and I testify that He is my all in all today. Through Christ Jesus all things are possible for them who believe on His name.

I apologize to you for fluctuating back and forth, for it would be almost thirty-six years later that I met Jesus. Long and hard years in which I lived a life I am truly ashamed of. But without the fall never would have come the knowledge of God's mercy and grace and who Jesus is to me. In so that nothing will ever make me wish that time away for it led me to the foot of His cross and to victory in His name.

I suppose that I have put this off, albeit most times subconsciously, because in writing this I will have to again relive some of the terrible things that I did to myself and I will have to face full on the things that I did that were so against the Lord and God whom I have come to know and love so dearly. And too I will also have to relive memories of what was done to me..... Secondly what I did to others whom I have been fortunate and blessed enough to have love me at some point in my life. And those who, in spite of it all, amazingly forgave me and still loved me after all was said and done! Though I assure you, My “story” continues on a day to day basis at the best of times. Some good, some bad. Though in Christ my "good days" outweigh my "bad days" by far.

Worst of all though is not even the fact of how I hurt and used other people or how some people may have hurt me or used me. But how I hurt and sinned against God Himself.

I’ve attempted this labor of love several times before. My sole motivation for doing so was to share my testimony, and through that, hopefully be an instrument of God that He can use to reach out to all the other addicts “out there” throughout this fallen world who are still suffering in the same ways that I used to before I invited Christ Jesus into my heart to live and to reign as my personal Lord, Savior and Master of my every thought, word and action. Although I am not always successful in that endeavor that does not negate today that He is still Lord and Master of the entirety of my life in all it‘s multitudes and shades of choices and intricacies. My “motive” is to reach out to those who may be filled with that same awful feeling of “self-loathing” and helplessness and hopelessness I myself once did. Even in the midst of all the partying.

I actually have written this "book/blog" before on my typewriter -- this was way before I ever dreamed I’d be using my very own computer, (Thank you Vann). “We” had written it, in what I believe was it’s entirety, as far as it pertained to the subject matter I wished to express. For I hoped that what I felt compelled to share for so long would help even just one other person. I began it even while still in the midst of that particular stage of the struggle between my spirit and my flesh. This same struggle and more will inevitably, I discovered, raise it’s ugly head throughout an addicts life. I have no qualms in sharing with you the fact that I’ve went through many slips and heartaches along the way. I still do from time to time, but not in the same way at all you understand.

Each time I fall flat on my face though -- then fall to my knees asking for forgiveness and strength to begin again? Jesus met me right there at the point of my need. The Lord has never failed to help me back up upon my feet re-strengthened and recommitted to Him to begin the journey of my new life “in Christ” afresh. There’s a saying which goes: “The only failure against our struggles in this life is by that one who ceases the struggle."


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