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The Shape of Things That Came: 2017 Predictions
I Meant to Do That
Sooner or later you have to at least think about it. Suppose the purpose of all those Middle Eastern wars was to force Muslims to come to the west as refugees and take over western nations. So far it’s been successful. So successful that some westerners don’t know about it and wouldn’t accept the notion that it is happening even if they did know. If your community standards are looking more and more like Sharia law, there’s a reason for that….Don't be surprised if both pork and alcohol become increasingly scarce, but don't worry, there will always be a "good" reason for it. Remember when the the federal government briefly banned pork in all federal prisons...
No more BO
In the future the rich will use no deodorant. They will not use toupees or breast implants either. When injectable nanobots become perfected, the wealthy will modify the properties of their bodies from the inside. The rich and powerful will even change things like their race, ethnicity, height, weight and eye color to suit their mood or get away with crimes. They will also win all Olympic medals and sporting and beauty contests. Some of the gliterrati will choose to take on the appearance of human/animal hybrids with wings, tails and claws.
Nanos Will Rise and Rule
In the west, humans will do less and less. Computers will do more and more.
There will be a rebellion as the poor from third world countries will demand their own electronic servants to rescue them from crushing poverty. There will be two kinds of reactions to this. One group of wealthy nations will unleash a virus to kill off any human not infected with nanobots. Another group will race to infect all remaining humans with nanobots.
In the future we will get wi-fi from electronic trees. Not from metal painted to “look” like a tree. We will get usable electronic emanations from actual green plants.
In the future we will recharge some of our electronic devices from trees. The rest will be powered from all the stray electromagnetic radiation we are ceaselessly spraying into the air.
Once it was discovered that most of our genetics came from ancient worms the diabolical result was inevitable. A evil dictator forced his scientists to create giant, carnivorous worms with the faces of people and used thousands of them to attack and take over neighboring countries. Even trained soldiers dropped their weapons and ran screaming in terror at the oozing, crawling horrors unleashed upon them. It did not help the courage of the dictator’s adversaries that he leafleted them with the rumor that the worms carried a virus that turned all who contacted even one cell of the slugs into a human slug. It wasn’t true. It didn’t have to be.
A ruthless terrorist organization finally made use of the notion that countless plants and animals contribute to Global Warming. The Cow Fart Coalition rigged bovine bombs to blow on command. Oh the carnage. Oh the humanity.
Porcine Hand Grenades
Scientists discovered an economical way to terraform the Red Planet. It turned out the cheapest and easiest way was to cover Mars in blood. The blood would come from growing 1 trillion rats in orbit and then smashing them against the planet. And then growing 1 trillion pigs in orbit and carpet bombing the planet with them. After that, wait 100 years and if the planet was done stinking it would be time to move in. Both the rats and pigs would have been fed a diet high in the seeds of plants that can maintain humans. The microbes in the blood and guts of the smashed animals would decompose their flesh and fertilize the soil whilst providing a fetid atmosphere which would become breathable in about 100 years time.
Send in the Clones
A remote sensor device, not unlike the Star Trek tricorder will be created. All human beings on earth will be horrified beyond belief when it is discovered that each every one of their political leaders is a clone—the tricorders will verify this. And then it will be discovered that all the rich and powerful are clones. And finally, it will be discovered that all the entertainers in Hollywood, Bollywood, and in every entertaining Mecca is a clone. The hunt for the originals will never be completed. Overnight the schedule for replacing all human beings with clones will be expedited and the clones will have no curiosity at all about where they came from, why they were made, or who made them.
ISIS, aka ISIL, aka IS, aka Daesh will let leak the notion that they are going to do a decapitation strike against the nations of the west. They will let the Internet chatter on this build up to a crescendo, and then they will announce they will make the strike on a date certain in the fall. All of the western nations will put maxim protection on all their leaders. Then on Nov 5th, Guy Fawkes day, around the world, ISIS will fly thousands of explosive packed drones into statues and monuments. They will cut off the head of the Statue of Liberty, statues of Lincoln, the presidents on Mt Rushmore and every famous and popular statue of leaders in England and France. Some tourists will be severely injured but no living western leader will be touched.
A Fungus Among Us
Space aliens will land on the white house lawn and demand to speak to our molds and fungi. It turns out that the most intelligent life in the universe were colonies of molds and fungi. They did not expect our primitive molds and fungi to respond immediately. Rather it was the alien plan to evolve all the molds and fungi on the earth, kill all the humans and have our evolved mold and fungi take over. Nothing personal, the invaders from outer space let us know. It’s just that humans don’t make good pets.