The Stick and Stone Ages
Here's a thought for theologians, " You can lead the flock to knowledge and yet still sheep will sink. I have no way of verifying this, it is only rumor that I overheard from unreliable sources. "
See now I know that you never know where you might end up.
It took me wandering about California, there were some places that I found more hospitable than others, but all of them ended up being another wild goose chase for days. By the time this incident occurs, I am hungry, angry, lonely, and tired of everything.
Needless to say, that this story was not one of the more charming moments.
Let's just say, I was having a spiritual crisis. After many years of patient searching and seeking. After even more years of studying and being a good servant to my vocation. I was finally having that big breakdown that either takes you down for good, or supposedly reaffirms your faith. Will be watings
Problem was, I didn't have faith.
For most people their major spiritual crisis in life ends up being about their fear of death or mortality, at least in my experience. But not me, because I didn't fear death and I still don't. But I did have that one big question that had always been gnawing at me, day after day. Through nearly a decade of spiritual and personal quests for answers. Well today my patience was done, and I flipped the bird with both my hands skyward. I guess it was my most blasphemous undoing of what most people would have set about to praying. Well, this was the first time God or any higher power had ever had the privilage of my praying to them for an answer.
But instead of the usual humbleness that is given to receive divine answers, I flipped off the gods and shouted at the top of my voice.
" Hey God. Hey big Mama Goddess. Hey Jesus, Budda, and a partiridge in a pear tree. You listening? I have one little quesion for you and all the powers and principalities, or avatars or men from Mars, I really don't care at this point. Why does the world suffer and have wars and make the same errors over and over? And if there is a divine preseance that is influencing the whole damn scheme of things? Then tell me how does the big picture look from your perspective? Huh? That's what I want to know?"
This I yelled this to the sky while camping alone for three days in a place called Hidden Valley. It was a secluded desert area surrounded by a valley of rounded rock faces just inside the Joshua tree forrest, California. My sentances echoed in triplicate through the canyon for nearly ten sylllables as I waited for them to silence, awaiting my demanded answer.
Well I got one, which was the big surprise to me at the time. I will not claim to know for sure if it was anyone's God or higher power that caused me to have my brief visionary experience, but it did in action seem to follow the typical visionary experience I had heard of from others as a religious student.
The canyon around me sort of diappeared in a fractal like pattern around all sides, much like happens when you faint and lose you visual consciousness. But I remained standing, and that here is what I saw. I still remember it clearly today.
Before me appeared a huge mountiain of human skulls and bones, high as I could see
On the left side of the mountain was Budda praying with a golden swastika on his chest spinning, on the right side was Hitler on horseback carrying a flag with the swastika emblazen upon it, the swastika was also golden, also spinning...
At the top of the mountain was what looked like Jesus pinned upon the site of Calvary, for there were three crosses - the one he hung from with spiked nails through each palm, his feet pinned by one together, and another through his genitals bleeding still. He hung silhouetted with the sun behind him it was spinning, and as it did the cross would blink and become a swastika in the shadows, this optical illusion seemed to repeat every turn of the sun as it burned phosphenes into my eyes.
And finally at the base of the mountain of human remains, I was there standing within a few meters of a single glowing skull. It glowed like bright diamonds under direct white light, it hummed a low drone tone as it sat there infront of me, and it has eyes glowing with blue fire like from an extremely high temperature flame.
The almost as it had come before my eyes, it was gone.
That was it.
I did not tell anyone what I had experienced for several years, as I needed time to process it. To come to my own conclusions, and more importantly since it was my vision or whatever you wish to call it, I did not want it influenced by anything other than my own heart, at least not until I was ready. I have now told a few important people in my life about it. Some had much in the way of opinions about it. My mother had nothing to say, except that maybe it didn't really happen at all. That's my Mom, the true skeptic all the live long day.
But it was my friend from high school Lisa who asked me this in brief.
" Do you have an ultimate truth from it? What do you think it meant? "
This was very direct considering the story I had just told her, but she is a very confirmed Chrisitian lady. A good wife, a mother and so made suer I thought about my words. After a minute or so, this was the answer that I belive still applies today as it did back then.
" Everyone is important in the grand design, the great work of why things exist. You are as important to the future as anyone else is. Your spark is necessary and it is relevant to the outcome of the whole. So the real eternal mystery is still yet to be understood until everyone comes full circle. "
" So until you have completed your journey in life, some questions are waiting , and some maybe waiting for you for as long as it takes you. There is no real time limits on it. Because only the universal powers know for sure how the scheme may play itself out, and only as far as those powers can see it. You may even you maybe as important as Buddha, or Jesus, or Hitler, or anyone."
" The pefect child of the Earth, the divine child of God that is the best version of Lisa. She maybe waiting to have her voice and express what the divine is keeping secret is, but is simply waitinguntil that day comes along."
I paused a moment to gather these last words in my mind clearly.
" You see, the big sin it would seem, if my vision has meaning...is that we don't understand the spiritual meaning of being one with this world. Partly because we reject many of the world and its teachings. Partly also, because of the people who may have been the teachers.
Our disagreements with the world are not ours alone, or somehting like that. And believe it or not, I did get an very clear answer that day. It just wasn't the one I was expecting at all. It seems that what I thought I was looking for was actually a fixation of ideas from my upbringing, and that for whatever reason no longer nags me. "
" It is like that famous quote, that she moves mysterious ways. It appears that I needed to unlearn some of my attatchment to my expectations of what the divine energies would maifest like, cause the are listening all the time, to me, to you, and everything thatis in search of turth. Ask anyone who has tested it, human nature is something so amazing and undefinable that we are technically unable to control ourselves, unless we allow specifically for it. "
We humans are the jewels of the universe because in our dna we hold the keys to the garden.
That is really why the Star Nations have enslaved many of us because they are trying to get back the keys to the garden
" But the humans that are aware, somehere they know where these secret keys and clues are coming from. And the only way to get to these keys to the garden is through unconditional love complete acceptance of Mother Earth's reality as it is. But as a human being, we are just one piece of an elaborate puzzle . One that is greater than even the divine messengers who weild its sword. One that is surely greater than the cosmic consicousness that has found all of our flaws so great for raw materials between them. And yet, one day another will come replace all the jewels. That is when the Earth children are due to be reborn, and incanate all at once. "
That is all I can say my heart and my mind feel they are agreement about.
That much I can be sure of. How it affects reality as you and I know it...I got nothing.
Sorry. But I believe that it changed my life permanently and my Mom still says I must have had a stroke or a hallucination in the desert heat that day, that it probably never happened to me at all.
Wow. Then I guess it's a wonder I got any answer at all that day at all.